Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A new day...

and I had lots to do but the day didn't go quite as planned.

Today is the day my painting group meets but before I could get out of here, my sister called and asked me to look for her dog. She had him outside on his lease and he got away from her. She was worried about him getting caught up in a fence or entangled because of his leash. Well it was a good thing she called me. I grabbed my dog for a walk and starting walking the neighborhood and calling for Joey (Mechelle's dog). I walked over to the next street and down to where it ends in some woods, all the while calling for Joey. When I got to the end of the street, I heard a whimpering off in the woods so I decided to investigate. There he was! Poor thing stuck and his leash was all tangled up in some vines and he couldn't move more than about six inches. I felt so sorry for him. So, I extricated him and he was so happy. I walked both dogs home and let Wiz stay on my deck while I took Joey in to his house. He drank almost a whole bowl of water as it was already hot by 10:00am this morning. He went right into his kennel and settled down. I think he was worn out from his little adventure. I felt like Wonder Woman because I'd saved the poor guys life!

I never made it to my painting class but I did h and paint some book marks and get off my registration for the 3rd Annual Historic Buford Arts and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I completed the Chakra cards that go with the Chakra stones I'm going to sell so the book marks are done and the Chakra bags and cards are done. Now, I need to work on making some more cards and a couple of Angel creations. I already have some paintings I'm going to take but I need to put hangers on them and then they're ready. I've got my table and set up and need to find a canopy/tent to borrow because it will either be hot or rainy or both. Hopefully it's just hot because I'm hoping a lot of people come out for the festival.

Off to bed now. Hope you had a good day. I did.

Namaste

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sometimes so together...sometimes NOT!

I've always said the only thing consistent about my life is inconsistency and it one of the truest statements I've ever made. I do great for a stretch of time and then I fall down and stumble and have to pull myself back up again. I've been in a dip for about a month now and although so many good and wonderful things have happened and are still happening, I have had such a heavy heart and this morning, I finally let myself feel what I needed to feel, shed a few tears and hopefully, can move on now. At least for a while, until the next time it "hits" me and I go into a dip again.

I'll use first person as I write because, after all, I am writing about ME...but it may be exactly the same for you and you'll understand what I mean, or not. I guess the important part of it all is the pulling myself up and getting it together again. We just have to do it and keep doing it.

I met someone when I was 15 and that person has always been on the periphery of my life, if not actively then in my heart and in my mind and for some reason, in my soul. I have tried, in every way, to release him even to burning 40 years of letters and momentos that I had held on to and cherished. I thought once I'd done that it would be a release and I want a release. I do. I reallllly do. I felt like I'd made some good progress over the past year and then I found myself in a situation where I had to come face-to-face with him and it was killing me to know I was going to have to see him and to be near him and I hated that I felt like that because I didn't want to feel ANYTHING...I wanted it to be the same as if I were looking at a tree. I DON'T WANT to feel ANYTHING for him. He's been my greatest disappointment, as well as my greatest joy, in this life (well, aside from my children, of course).

When I saw him, I did not look him in the eye and I gave him the obligatory hug and held my walls up as high I could so he could not get to me. Inside, I was churning and whirling and spinning and totally out of control with my SELF and I hated it for me. I just don't understand why I feel this way. It is totally irrational. Over the course of a couple of hours (which is the amount of time we were in close proximity) I kept my distance. Then, it happened. He was right in front of me, joining in the conversation and I had to look at him. It was for only a second but in that one moment our eyes connected, for me, time stood still. As quickly as it happened, it passed and he left shortly thereafter and I drank four glasses of champagne quickly and then I left as quickly I could with good graces, went back to my room and went to sleep. I think I gave a good appearance to everyone and looked okay on the outside but inside, I was a total mess. Later that evening, I went to dinner with my kids from Denver and my ex-husband, who I love dearly, almost like a brother at this point. I think I acted completely normal and I felt okay by then because I'd "slept on it."

What I felt, when I allowed myself that brief moment to see into his eyes, was a SOUL connection. I know we have been together in other lives and I know that was not our destiny this time around. Yet my soul just suffers so. The last time we were together (as a couple...and there's been more than one time that was so in this life) was for six years. On a soul level, we totally connect but on this earthly, physical plane we can't seem to maintain a give and take and he acted in ways that were totally unacceptable to me and I acted in ways that were totally unacceptable to him and we were on two totally different levels of being and neither of us was willing, or able, to be anything but exactly who we ARE.

He's materialist, religious, a control freak, a neat freak and very concerned with "outward" appearances and what other people think and he's scared to death the devil is going to get him...all the things I am NOT. I don't need much to make me happy, I get messy and quite frankly don't give a shit what other people think of me as long as I am loving myself. I try not to judge others and I don't want to be judged by others either but if I am...it's THEIR stuff and not mine. I do what I do with a good heart. So, why, why, why, why, why...do I still yearn for this person to be in my life? It's just totally crazy and I do not like this about myself. In fact, I hate it and I just don't know what to do about it. I've gone to therapy, prayed and prayed and prayed for God to take away these feelings and let me be free of it. Most of the time, I am.

So, all of that having been said, I'm climbing back out of the pit today because I've wallowed and suffered over this enough. There is too much to be joyful about to be sad about this any longer and life goes on. I have a great life. I am alone as a woman and I can't see myself being with anyone else so I will end my days alone but that's okay. I guess it's my path this time around and I need to learn something, to grow from this experience. I have had such a good life, in so many ways...and it's not over yet, thankfully!

Well, the answer to my own question has just come to me. God ALWAYS gives us what we need but he doesn't ALWAYS give us what we want. Isn't that the truth. I'm a stronger person because of this experience and I have so much compassion for others who are feeling emotionally fragile, vulnerable, heartbroken, etc. I'm not unique and I think these are common emotions and experiences. What is significant for me, is that I can't seem to let it go, as much as I want to let it go. I live on and life is good, but there's that tender place in my heart that's like a wound that just will never heal. Perhaps that is part of my reason for being in this life? To know how this feels and to learn to live with it. Maybe that's a part of how I grow spiritually? Even if he walked to my door tomorrow with every intention of being together, I know I couldn't do that either. I wouldn't want to do it. Therein lies the dichotomy. Webster's defines dichotomy as something with seemingly contradictory qualities. That's what this is for me...I want to be together, I don't want to be together. Now I ask you, how can I figure that out? It's like trying to look North and South at the same time. Just won't happen. So...life goes on and I live with it.

I met some friends for drinks and dinner last night. It was a farewell dinner for Sandy who is moving to Huntsville. She's started a new life and this is the next step in her adventure. I hope it's all good for her and that she finds the happiness she deserves and that has eluded her in the past. She is a beautiful person, inside and out but sometimes she just can't see it for herself. She seems to have found someone to share her life with who is supportive, loving and sees all of her wonderful qualities. That makes me feel so happy for her.

In about an hour, I'm going to meet another friend for lunch. We haven't been able to get together due to schedules and LIFE getting in our way so when she said she was available today, I said I'd be there. I have other things I'd like to be doing but I wouldn't give up an opportunity to have lunch with a friend because friends are more important that anything else I may have to do today and I cherish and love my friends as much as I cherish and love my solitude. It would be much too easy to become a recluse but I push myself to enjoy friends and family at every opportunity. I think that's part of the aging process in that we can prioritize and housework, for me, is ALWAYS near the bottom of my list of things to do (along with grocery shopping and going to Destin...which is at the very, very bottom of my list).

It is a gorgeous day here and I walked the yard early with my coffee cup in hand. Every day I am gifted with something beautiful bursting into color. I talk to the plants and the flowers and I thank God for all the beauty and for my many blessings. Now, I'm going to take Wiz for a nice walk and then off to meet Debbie for lunch and this afternoon, I'm going to spend CREATING. I'm working on my inventory of cards because I have a booth at the 3rd Annual Historic Buford Art and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I have to get focused and stay busy after today. So, I leave for now but tomorrow, I'll talk more about the Art and Jazz Festival. It should be a blast!

(P.S. ~ The Reid thing is really okay and now that I wrote about it, I'm feeling much better. I've tucked it away again and won't think about it for a while and when I do, I'll remember something with fondness. He's here, in my heart and a part of my soul. That's just a fact of my life and I live with it. It's the best of him and as much as I want so that's a good thing. Yes?! Yes.)

Namaste!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Back to making "Scrappies" and "Angels" and trying something new.






Monday morning. On my 2nd cup of coffee, sun's just peeking through and weather forecast calls for a wonderful Spring day. I'm going out to mow the yard later today, pull some weeds and move some plants around. I need a full day in the dirt but my house needs some attention today, too so I'll be domestic before I get outside. I play a sort of game with myself. Once I've got my inside work done, then I can go outside to "play." This is one of the first Iris I was waiting excitedly for it to bloom...there are double the number of blooms on it today and it is an amazing site to see!
Of all the flowers in my garden, these three are the most beautiful! That's Gracie, Ayden (2 of my grandchildren) and my vivacious niece, Rachel. They had a big time yesterday and I sure enjoyed their energy around my home. Of course, I had to have them pose under my arbor so you could see the lovely Clematis climbing up the side!
So, that's it for today. Much to do and looking forward to a day of peace as well as productivity.
Namaste!







Sunday, April 26, 2009

Plein Air Experience

Well, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the excitement of the Plein Air festival and felt good work came from soul to canvas over the two days of painting. Yesterday was 88F and it was the record for the hottest day for that day of the year and I felt every degree of it! By the time I got my paintings turned in, I was feeling tired but once I came home and showered I felt much better. At about 6:50pm I drove to the Tannery for the Awards Ceremony which began at 7:00pm.

My type of painting was different from that of almost EVERYONE else that was participating in the Plein Air event (which means mine were "unique" which should count for something?). Obviously, they were desiring of realistic, landscape type work and that's not the way I paint. My work was placed at floor level or not at eye level and was about the only paintings that weren't spotlighted (I guess because they were so low) so I was a little disappointed in the placement of my work. They may as well have placed my paintings outside the room and down at the end of the hall. Not only that, those that won the awards were largely (but not all) part of the group that have studio's at the Tannery or are already friends of those who are at the Tannery and one of the organizers of the event won an award which didn't feel right to me (she also has a studio at the Tannery). Also, there was only ONE judge. Oh well, live and learn. It was not about the awards for me, although some recognition is always nice but it was a delightful experience and I enjoyed being with the other artists. I'd do it again but next time, I'm skipping the awards event because there is obviously bias involved but perhaps that's just the way it is regardless. I've found there's not a lot in life that is "fair" because we're all humans, after all. I will just participate for the experience next time with no further expectations and then I won't be disappointed.

It's sunny and hot already at 11:08am and I just finished making breakfast for two of my grandchildren and my neice. Sunday's are lazy days and we got started late so I guess they are really having brunch. I have a lot to do today to catch up (house AND yard work) so I'm keeping it short this morning. Next week, I'll get back to work on my cards and start planning for the Arts and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I'm going to have a booth there, too.

So ends my first "paint out" and it was fun!

Namaste.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Plein Air Festival again today!

Yesterday was so much fun. I set up my "area" across from the Buford Variety Theatre as I had planned. I take two small tables. One table is my "sacred space" area and the other is my work area where I put all my paints and brushes. On my sacred space table, I put a vase of flowers, some Chakra stones, a couple of books that I love, my business cards and I would have put a little candy dish but all I had was M&M's leftover from Easter and those would have melted in the heat yesterday so no candy! I put a pretty cover on the table and lace on top of the cover. I also burn a candle in a small stained glass candle holder my sister gave me and I burn incense, at least first thing in the morning. I do a "clearing" and a "blessing" of the space where I will be working. It's a little ritual and I do it when I'm painting plein air at home, too. I do it to bring up the good energy and get it "roiling around" so it will translate to my canvas. Anyhow, I have earth/fire/air/water at my sacred space so I'm good to go! (The water is not in a fountain as I would have at home but it IS in my bucket for my used brushes so I have all four elements represented.) I thank God/Goddess/All there is for the opportunity to be standing where I am standing at this moment in time doing exactly what I am doing. It's a gift to me and I express my gratitude. This is my ritual and it works for me!

I put my new plein air easel in the center of the two tables and at 9:45am yesterday I put my first stroke of yellow paint to the canvas. It was a hot day yesterday reaching up into the 80's. The first part of the day I painted directly across from the theatre and the painting that came was mostly yellows and greens. I was getting great energy from the theatre because yesterday was it's opening day. The trees behind the theatre were a vibrant green and the sun was brilliant as it moved across the sky and I think that's what brought out the yellow and the green for me. I was painting "in the open" with no shade from the sun. The owner of the theater came over around 11:00am and very kindly brought cold water for me and another artist who was painting just down from me. She also offered the use of her "facilities" should I need it and I thought how kind she was and lifted her up for a brief moment in my mind and thanked God for kind people. I also said a little prayer for success for her new Variety Theater. I am thrilled to death to have it in Buford.

Shortly thereafter, I moved under the tree that was about 15 feet away and the afternoon passed more comfortably for me. I stopped and enjoyed the lunch I'd brought (a ham sandwich with cheese and baby romaine lettuce and some black seedless grapes) and watched the traffic on Main Street for a while before I started my next painting. I thought I would try to do a landscape but that's not my talent and I was getting frustrated. So, I chose some Peruvian music on my IPOD, cranked up the volume and that painting turned into a huge party. I was dancing around as I was stroking on the paint and I'm sure I looked like a party of one (and someone who HAS to be eccentric) but I didn't care what I looked like because I was having an absolute blast. I brought out the reds and the purples and the blues and just let myself get into the colors and I reached in to my memory bag and pulled out those memories of Macchu Picchu and the train from Cusco and all the colors of Peru that I so loved.

Painting, for me, is a total mind/body/spirit experience. I have such fun and I don't agonize over my paintings as some do. When I find myself getting frustrated or feeling like something' is not coming out right, I hear a gentle voice in my mind telling me to "trust the process." So, I do. I just trust the process and keep painting and when it's done, I just KNOW it and I step away. I think it's my guardian angels voice that I hear and she keeps me in line when I most need it. Oh, jeez, if my kids read this they'll call the doctor and say that "Now Mom's hearing voices..." What next! Actually, I think we ALL hear voices but we don't ALL listen but that's a topic for another day. I do have an inner child, a higher self AND a guardian angel and they are all an important part of me. But...like I said...that's a blog for another day.

My precious grandson had to go to the hospital yesterday and he was transferred to Scottish Rites last night. He had an asthma attack and even after treatments and oxygen was still having a hard time so that's why they transferred him to Scottish Rites Children's Hospital. They are wonderful there and this is the second time he's had to be hospitalized for this problem. I, too, have breathing problems (COPD) so I understand the panic he must feel and it breaks my heart for him because he is only 12. He should be out there running with the best of them. There is a bad lung gene in my family and that's a fact. My grandfather on my paternal side died of TB. My grandfather on my maternal side died of complications of empysemia and my Dad died of lung cancer. None of them a good way to end this life. The good news is that there are now medications available that are helpful that were not available when my father and grandfathers were ill. Oh well, enough of that. I brought it up because my other grandchildren will be coming to stay with me today so they'll have to hang out in "historic downtown Buford" while Mimi paints and they can find a way to amuse themselves. Just got a thought that I need to bring more water in a bigger lunch box so they'll have some, too as it's supposed to get up in the mid to high 80's again today. I think I'm going to bring Wiz with me, too and let him stay under the tree. I'll take his bed with me so he can be comfortable although he'd probably enjoy just laying in the grass. It will be a fun day, I am sure and I'm going to be a party of one again today...no, that's not true...I'll have Wiz and the grandkids so it will be a party of four!

Tonight, there is an awards reception at 7:00pm so I will take them with me to that also. I went to the "Meet and Greet" last night at 5:00pm at the Pizza-pub at Tannery Row and sat with some of the other artists and the people who organized the event and it was a delightful time. We shared our experiences of the day and the more seasoned painters shared tips for us newbies. I had a moment of feeling totally "out of my league" because some of these artists are absolutely amazing artists and can capture on canvas exactly what the eye can see. I don't paint like that because I paint what the soul can see so I had to give myself a little pep talk because I was feeling dwarfed by the star power in the room. My work is Divinely inspired and I just have to remember and be grateful for whatever comes. In my next life, I am going to go to art school as soon as I graduate from high school and then I am going to create life-changing paintings! Oh, if I knew then what I know now! :-) I did take Art Appreciation (when I was going to Okaloosa Walton Junior College in Niceville, Florida) and Elements of Design (when I wag going to San Diego City College) and I would have taken more art classes, I think, but...I had babies instead and my life took a totally different direction. Like Walt Whitman, I came to the place where "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both." I wouldn't change a thing (well, maybe one or two) but the road has come full circle and I painting now and still enjoying my "babies" and "grandbabies" so I guess I have had an opportunity to travel both roads...one as a young person and another as a not-as-young person. I guess if you live long enough...ah, well...I divurge and that's a subject for another blog!

I did want to give a little plug for the pizza/pub at the Tannery Row. They had a "classic rock" band that started at 7:30pm (actually, I think they were supposed to start at 7:30pm but they started a little later last night) called "Livin Proof" and it was a rocking band. I stayed after everyone else (from the Plein Air event) left because I wanted to listen to some music and I'm glad I did because they were fun. When they first came in, they were looking a bit spooky (like the gang from Deliverance) but they cleaned up real nice for the "show" and put on nice clothes and combed their hair (LOL) and then they just looked like an aging rock-n-roll band with thicker middles and some wrinkles but they were still rocking it and I was loving it! (There was that one guy in overalls though that looked like he'd just fed the pigs or plowed the back 40 before he came to help the band.) The nice thing about the band was that they were "classic" rock so I knew all the songs because I'm a "classic" myself (or a dinosaur...I haven't decided which...no, I'll go with the "classic." I'm aging like fine wine (or so I tell myself...not a damned thing I enjoy about aging except that I no longer care what anyone else thinks of me...I just do my thing...can you say that about yourself...and is it a good thing, or not? Hmmmm, don't know, don't care! LOL again!). Anyhow, if you live in this area, the Pizza/pub at Tannery Row was a hopping place to be on a Friday night and the food was excellent, too! Y'all come now!

From my window I can see that the dawn is breaking as I write and that means I can go out and walk the yard and see what happened overnight! I'm waiting on those English and Russian Iris and Lilies to pop open and it will be glorious I have no doubt! I know one of them is going to be a peach color and I think it's one of the ones I transplanted last year from my sister's garden. It's big though and has three buds on it that are huge so it's going to be real show-stopper! I noticed my English Irises that I planted under the Dogwood tree are blooming. They are a very interesting color and I bought them from Breck's and I've not been disappointed. They have browns and yellows and speckles of orange which make them unique. I also have some of the common (oh, I hate that word because they are all "UNcommonly" beautiful) blue and white Iris on the NW side of my house and in front there is a row of the bright yellow about to pop open. My big lily/iris/peony island is in front of my house to the left and it's going to be a sight to see in about a week! I'll see if I can get out there and take some pictures.

So, off to walk the yard and then to beautiful downtown Historic Buford to paint Plein Air again! I'm hoping there are more people in town today and I'm taking a few of my other paintings with me to put out so people can see what I do! Fun! Fun! Fun! I'm also expecting some friends to stop by (and, of course, my grandkids and Wiz to keep me company). I've charged up my IPOD and I'm ready to "get down" on canvas! God is good.

Have yourself a wonderful day!

Namaste!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Painting in a Plein Air Festival

Today is the day! If you live in my area, please come out and check out the artists who will be painting in this Festival (myself included!). I'll be set up across from the Buford Variety Playhouse (which is having it's first scheduled event tonight, too!)

It's supposed to be in the 80's today and sunny! Hoo-ray! I'm so excited. I bought my canvas yesterday and there was a 40% off sale on artist's easels so I bought a handy-dandy lightweight, in a case with a should strap, plein air easel for only $29.95 (plus tax, of course!). I took it out of the box and set it up as soon as I got home and couldn't believe how easily it sets up and breaks down. I think it was a very good investment.

Canvas was on sale for 50% off, too. I guess it was my lucky day yesterday. I bought twice as many as I'd plan to buy but paid only the price I'd planned to pay. Great how that worked out. I bought a few more tubes of paint and some brushes, too. I add sand to the paint and it really wrecks my brushes so I found some low cost but good brushes that will work just fine and I can save my more expensive brushes for other paintings.

I'm so excited as this is my first Plein Air festival and there are both money and other prizes to be won AND, even more exciting, my painting will hang at Tannery Row Art Gallery through the month of May and are available for purchase! This is a picture of one of the paintings I did at my painting group.

Isn't that full of energy and pizazz? I add sand that I brought back from St. George's Island in Florida to the paint and it adds a nice texturizing effect. I love the energy of St. George's Island and since my paintings are all about energy and the interconnectedness of everything and everyone on an energetic level, I wanted to incorporate that energy into my art. It's earth, sand, sky, beach, ocean, sun...all in one little painting. Can you feel it? I know you can see it but can you feel it? I can feel it with my eyes open when I look at this painting which is what I guess artists try to do for others. When I close my eyes and vision, I can see with my soul what I can't see with my eyes. But when I paint, I offer others an opportunity to see what I see with my soul. Lovely, isn't it!


I wanted to share one of my garden shots with you, too. I just learned that I can add photos to this blog. Isn't that a miracle (duh, to me!)!!!! Now, I'll really have some fun with this!

Above is one of the blue Iris and the one beside it is white and it opened yesterday. I went out to take pictures but realized I'd left my favorite camera (a Vivitar) at my daughters when I was over there Monday. My other camera wouldn't work so I just figured that I didn't need to be taking pictures but just enjoying them. So, that having been said, it's time for me to walk my yard as the sun is up and then pack up and get ready to go to paint!
Wishing you a joy-filled day with health and happiness.
Namaste!




A



Thursday, April 23, 2009

Awaiting the birth...

Of an English Iris...I've been walking the yard this morning, checking on all my little "babies." I noticed the white Iris is opening and another pale blue one has opened in the front lily bed. I ave such anticipation around the garden and each flowering is a moment of joy for me. I guess I'm easily pleased but when you think about it, there is such magic in the garden.

Only a short time ago, there was nothing but dirt, leaves, discolored pine bark from last year and only hope sitting there in my gardens. Slowly, as the ground warmed, small shoots of green started appearing and then, seemingly overnight, everything came alive and has started the dance of the Spring. I revel in that dance and in the magic and the hope and the glory that I know is God. I found a quote someplace that said "Nature is God's canvas" and it is so true, to me.

I'm off to Michael's here in a moment to buy my canvas for the Plein Air event this weekend. I've got a really good feeling about it and hope my expectations are met and although I don't know exactly what it is, I KNOW that something life-changing is going to occur as a result of this experience.

I've been feeling sad because it is apparent that I am not going to be able to support myself with my art, at least not at the rate I'm currently working. That means I have to go back to work in an office, which I am so loathe to do and had hoped to be able to make a go of doing what I truly love. Part of me is a little fearful about it because I'm not a spring chicken any longer and I'll be in competition for jobs with those who have many more years left in the work force that I and if I were doing the interviewing, I doubt I would hire me, simply because of my age and because I am "over-qualified" for most of the jobs out there since I've been at it for so long. I'm two and half years away from when I could retire for crying out loud and I started working when I was 12 (in a restaurant) and have worked for most of my life in an office environment (once I got out of the restaurants). That means I've already been working for almost HALF A CENTURY (almost). Isn't that enough? Why can't I just paint, make my cards and chakra bags and earn enough money to pay my mortgage and other bills and still have enough left over to buy art supplies?

I'd always believed Dr. Dyer and Dr. Campbell when they taught to "follow your bliss and the rest will follow." What am I doing wrong? I am following my bliss but not sure I can hold on long enough for "the rest to follow." I am a single woman with only myself to care for ME. I have no nest egg, no husband or 2nd income to back me up so I'm IT with a capital I and a capital T. I'm IT. I just want to work in my garden, paint, make cards, visit with my kids and my grandkids and travel a bit. Is that so much ask? I've grown accustomed (since my last job went under thanks, in part, to CF'S half-witted, lackadaisical, drug-infused sales efforts) to working in "comfortable" clothes and wearing flip-flops and Crocs instead of high heels and shoes that hurt my feet. I don't want to get dressed in suits, put on make-up every day, and drive in traffic to a job that bores me to tears and I am watching the clock for 5:00pm so I can do it all in reverse, get home and get out of my clothes. And I'm not going to do it just yet.

Thanks to SUI, I've the gift of a little more time to work on making a living following my bliss. to that end, I'm off to buy canvas today. This afternoon, I'm going to finish making 50 cards and 20 Chakra stones bags. I've got my Motivational Moments cards inventory sufficient. I bought three baskets, one for the note cards, one for the chakra bags and one for the Motivational Moments bags (why is it that everything (except my paintings) are in bags? Must be something to that and I'll think about that later). Somehow, I am going to offer those baskets up this weekend (if it's by my easel or with a sign pointing to my house where I'll have a table set up and maybe my Sister down there watching it and working it for me). I'm going to prayer over them and then lift them up and I need $500 coming in my door this weekend (at the least!). Maybe I'll get lucky and someone will fall in love with some of my paintings? Anyhow...I know that there are some $$$$ to be manifested this weekend and I just need to figure out the best way to do it. Any ideas?

Okay, I'm tired of whining and ready to take some action. Going to buy canvases. Thanks for listening.

Have a great day yourself and I'll let you know when those baby Iris and Lilies break into bloom!

Namaste!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wednesday - April 22, 2009

Didn't sleep well last night and not feeling well today. Could it have anything to do with the Little Caesar's pizza and hot wings I ate last night? That and the fact that I'm "beyond tired" from all of the fun and festivities surrounding "the wedding" and am in need of some down time. Perhaps all of the above combined?

Walked the yard this morning and am excited to see what's going to bloom next. I have a lot of Lilies and Iris' with buds that are blooming this year for the first time so it is like waiting for Christmas to see what I'm going to get from these plants. I have some blue Bearded Iris blooming and some regular Iris in multi-colors. It's always colorful in my yard and it starts with the Crocus, Forsythia and Daffodils. Next come the Hyacinths, then the Tulips and the Lilies and Iris'. I also have border Lilies that bloom later and the Lilies of the Valley are blooming now...on and on...all and each so very precious and they seem like a gift from God to me personally! Japanese water lilies, calla lilies, stargazer lilies, azaleas, hydrangeas, sage, bee balm, lavendar, hostas, ...and on and on. Sounds like I have a huge yard, doesn't it? I don't. Every space is planted though and it's a sight to see, for sure. Oh, did I mention the large purple Clematis, Lilac, gerber daisies, ...and on and on! Yes...it IS a sight to see. And...along with all of it come the WEEDS...so many WEEDS! I need to get out there in the next few days and pull some as they are crowding in with my little beauties.

Today is my painting group but I'm not going because I don't feel up to it. Friday and Saturday are the days of the Plein Air festival and I need to get my energy up for that as I'm painting on Main Street and want only good to flow from soul to the canvas. Maybe I'll even sell one or two, which would be most welcome!

Okay...much to do today so let me get off the computer. Jen and Elliot moved into their new home last night. Poor Ian was having a hard time trying to figure it all out. I'm wondering if they actually put him in his bed last night or if he slept with them. I'll go with "slept with them!"

Within two weeks there has been a shower, a bachelor/bachelorette party, a wedding rehearsal, a wedding, a house closing AND a move. (Not to mention the out-of-town guests we so enjoyed.)WOW! It's enough to make my head spin. It's all good though and life waits for no one...just jump on that horse and ride it for all it's worth.

As for me, I'm having a cup of peppermint tea and going back to bed. No more Little Caesar's pizza/wings for me. Bring on the raw veggies.

Wishing you a joyful day.

Namaste!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A new day...

I'm feeling great today and more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin than I was yesterday and I'm excited to paint with my group tomorrow and Friday/Saturday is the "Plein Air" event I'll be painting up a storm in downtown Buford across from the new "Variety Theatre" on Main Street!

I bought more art supplies yesterday and am going to try my hand at some watercolors. I took a lot of pictures of clouds yesterday and am feeling the urge to paint some clouds. Today the sky is monotone in the palest blue but what is even more exciting to me is that as I look out my window, I can see the trees are really getting into the Spring finery and greens of all hues delight my eyes.

I need to get into the studio today and make more cards and I will do that this afternoon. This morning, I am all about housework and laundry (so mundane!). Would that I had a housekeeper/valet and could focus only my art. That would be too much fun! I think the housework and other stuff keeps me more balanced. I think when I get to heaven I can paint to my hearts content. Maybe the clouds will come easy as I'll be sitting on one or two.

Actually, speaking of that, I'm reading "The Gnostic Discoveries ~ the Impact of the Nag Hammadi Library" by Marvin Meyer. The jacket says that he is one of the foremost scholars on Gnosticism, the Nag Hammadi library, and the texts about Jesus outside the New Testament. Gnosticism is a term derived from the Greek word, gnosis which means "knowledge." Before the Nag Hammadi library was found in 1945, Gnostics were considered "heretics" by early Christians who thought their way was the ONLY way (scares me to think about it) and they were the ONLY right ones on the history of Jesus and his truths and they either killed or abolished anything that said otherwise, including any knowledge of Gnostics (who were tortured and killed by the thousands). The book has been a source of inspiration for me and I've had more than one "aha!" moment while reading it and it makes me want to read all the other sources mentioned in the book, too. It's pretty heavy reading though and I read a chapter, at most, at a time and then I have to stop and asbsorb and assimilate all the information. After I finish the book, I'll go back and read "The Gnostic Bible" which was co-edited by Marvin Meyer and contains Gnostic Texts of Mystical Wisdom from the Ancient and Medieval Worlds (Pagan, Jewish, Christian, Mandaean, Manichaean, Islamic and Cathar). I find it all immensely interesting.

Phone just rang and it's Jen reminding me I'm going over to help them get it together for their BIG MOVE today! Mostly, I just get to play with Ian while they do all the work. It hardly seems fair, does it!

So, I'm off and running (I'll get to the housework later, I guess...or not! Hope no one stops by to visit unannounced!). Wishing you a happy day filled with everything you desire!

Namaste!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Celebration of Love

Monday morning and I'm glad for the new week. We've all been so wrapped up in wedding preparations and now it's over and the families are all going back to their respective lives and reality is seeping back in and life is settling down and we're on to the next thing.

The "wedding in a meadow" was a beautiful event. The kids were married under a rustic arbor that Elliot and Arlo had made just for the day and it touched my heart in so many ways. It was a beautiful wedding and pretty much what THEY wanted, from invitations to reception. I felt a little left out of the planning process and lost in the middle of it all because I wasn't the one "in charge" and no one seemed to be "in charge" and everyone was wary of stepping on anyone else's toes (a result of "blended families" I suppose) and it felt, for me, out of control but I did the best I knew to do and if I offended someone with what I did or didn't do, oh well...it was never intentional. The most important thing, in my opinion, is that the KIDS were happy with EVERYTHING and so from that perspective, it was a tremendous and wonderful SUCCESS. It certainly was a touching ceremony even if I didn't expect or understand the "readings" which are, I am assuming, an "Episcopal" part of the service and it was a lovely addition to have even more family involved. God certainly shined on those two because the day could not have been any more glorious, full of sunshine and warmth. It was about as perfect a Spring day as one could imagine. (I lifted them up to God/Goddess/All There Is, in my own way when I bowed my head.) The sun was shining brightly, there were sounds of moving water in the background (from a bubbling brook) and birds sang from trees under a cloudless sky. It was glorious.

It seems odd to think of my daughter being a part of another family now. I went to the home of her new family the morning after the wedding to offer help to clean up since they had hosted the reception (since the kids were married on their property) and most everything had already been cleaned up but I did what I could do or was asked. For some reason, it felt a little "frosty" and I am not understanding why but can't worry about it so I am just letting it go (I guess I felt "judged" and I don't know why so that was a bit uncomfortable for me. It was like I'd done something wrong but I don't know what I did, if you know what I mean.). My grandson, Ian, was there, sleeping and it felt odd not to see him or hold him and to step back and let them have "their" time with him. They don't get to enjoy him as often I do so it was the right thing to do.

The rehearsal was interesting because Jenny and Jessica got lost on the way up and they arrived in the meadow an hour and a half after the rehearsal was supposed to begin...but we got through the rehearsal just fine and then got to the rehearsal dinner where Elliot's Mother had prepared a nice Greek meal. Afterwards, my WHOLE family went back to the hotel and it felt so good to know that ALL of my children were under one roof, as well as their Dad. That doesn't happen too often! My room had two queen beds so I had my 3 grandsons and 2 granddaugther's spend the night in my room and it was cozy and comforting to have all of them in my room, if a bit crowded. They didn't seem to mind and I sure enjoyed seeing all of them as they slept so peacefully!

My brother and sister totally missed the wedding ceremony and arrived just as it was all over and everyone had headed up to the house for the reception. Fortunately, Jenny was still in the meadow talking to friends so my brother, Jack, gave her a ride up to the house on his Harley. We've got the pictures to share! I felt badly for my brother because he spent a lot of time, effort and money to be at her wedding and he was distressed to have been late (that's another story...you'd have to know my sister to understand). My sister (who was traveling in a car behind my brother and his wife who were on the motorcycle) had made the jewelry that Jen was to wear in the wedding (and it obviously didn't make it in time). As it was, Jen had to borrow jewelry from Elliot's stepmother to wear (which didn't make me happy) but Jenny was, as she is about almost everything, cool with it. She put it on when Mechelle got there and was happy enough. Poor Mechelle was as distraught as my brother but it is what it is and they missed it so we'll show them the pictures and at least they made the reception and got to see the toast, cake-cutting, etc.

Part of the reason Jenny and Jess were late getting to the rehearsal is that they went to pick up the cakes. Well, unfortunately, the wedding cake somehow fell over in the box (going up the mountain roads, I guess) so it looked like a leaning tower of Pisa when it came out of the box. Jen and Elliot took it all in stride and it still tasted wonderful. It was a 3-layer cake, very simple with their initials and a curl of fresh daisy's as decoration. Elliot's cake was a drum (because he is a drummer, of course) and it was equally delicious and fortunately, suffered no damage. Oh, and the cake knives were left in the box at the hotel so we had to use one of Elliot's Mom's knives for them to cut the cake. At least Elliot remembered the "bridge and groom" glasses when we did the champagne toast. We were getting ready to do the toast and Elliot looked at Jenny and said "where are our glasses?" and then she remembered and Jess went to get them! As I said, NO ONE was in CONTROL of anything but EVERYTHING worked out just fine! Elliot's brother offered up a touching, heart felt toast and then we put Jessica (Jen's sister) on the spot and she offered up a very sweet toast. It was lovely.

I saw my old boyfriend (who I had hoped to never have to see again) and it was okay to see him and I had a nice wall that will never be let down again so it didn't hurt to see him. I was happy he was able to be there to see Jen married as it was always my dream that he would be a part of it so I guess it was a dream come true although not exactly as I had once envisioned it. There was still that little place within me that was holding the hand of her own first love...I guess that's okay...still I was sitting next to the man who was the REAL partner in my life and who I love dearly still).

The best part of everything, for me, was having my son, his wife and two children, my older daughter, her husband and three children, my ex-husband (and friend) and Jenny all TOGETHER in one place and I hugged and kissed them all as much as I possibly could! I also especially loved seeing Jen's grandmother and her half-brother and yes, it was nice to see Reid, too. That was as exciting to me as the actual wedding ceremony (which was much too traditional for my taste but it wasn't my ceremony...but THEIRS and that's what they wanted).

Jen and Elliot were already a couple in my mind as they have a child, just bought a home and have a promise to each other and a life together. The ceremony cemented it FOR THEM and ON PAPER FOR POSTERITY. Elliot was brought up "in the church" so this was all very important to him and his family who are still active in their church. Jen's great-grandfather was a Presbyterian minister and her Grandmother rarely misses a Sunday at the church she has attended for years. I guess the "church" is more-or-less in her blood. I'm sure they will incorporate the church as a part of their lives and Ian's (who was baptised (?) or is it christened (?) in the Episcopal church the Saturday before Easter. I didn't attend but not for any reason other than I was tired because I had a shower for Jenny the same day and the event for Ian was in the evening.).

I, personally, don't align myself with a particular church but with God/Goddess/All There Is (for God is neither male or female in my opinion...God is the "nameless") and don't feel the need for the church for support. However, that having been said, I do attend Church, on occasion, when Spirit moves me and it doesn't matter the denomination because I don't believe the teachings of any one particular church but I go to Church to celebrate God and because the church is a symbol of God's house. I love to take communion for the same reason. However, I feel as close to God when I am working in my garden or walking in nature or sitting in my chair, as I am now because GOD is always with me, no matter when I am, God is right here with me. So why do I need to go to a church to celebrate and worship God? I don't. I have been involved with different churches over the course of my (seemingly long) life and have been a "born-again Christian (Baptist Church when I was 24) witnessing on street corners and praying to bring souls to Jesus so they wouldn't go to hell. I've chanted Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo and recited portions of the Lotus Sutra to the fundamental Object of Worship called the Gohonzon when I was learning about and practicing Nichoren Shoshu Buddhism. I've stood, genuflecgted and sat in Catholic churches including the Basilica in Washington, DC (where I took communion even though I "wasn't Catholic"...I told my good Catholic friend that I didn't think God would mind...as I lined up for the wafer and wine) and Catholic churches all over South America (thanks, Kris) and I took my confirmation at 12 years old in the Destin Presbyterian Church. I've read my St. James version of the Bible (which was a gift on my 24th birthday from B.J. Stevens) several times, especially the New Testament. I've read The Bhagavad-Gita, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, The Essential Kabbalah, the Tao Te Ching, studied Joseph Campbell's and Carl Jung's beliefs and on and on...so MANY different views and ways to reach enlightenment and grow spiritually and yet it all comes right back to me...sitting here in this chair as I write...with GOD in me...a part of me. And that GOD within is celebrating the love my daughter feels for her new husband and for her child and her family. It is the LOVE that is the most important part of ALL...for GOD IS LOVE and what more is there? May their love deepen and grow throughout the days of their lives and may they raise their child(ren) in the way that seems most appropriate to them, be it in the Episcopal Church or not and may they always listen to their HEARTS and the GOD WITHIN instead of basing their lives on a canon or what someone else tells them is truth for there are many truths. Okay, so I got off on a tangent there but organized religion makes me a little nervous, especially when one is told "this is the ONLY way..." However, I understand the purpose and the meaning behind organized religion and accept that it is "A" way and necessary for some. God speakes to each of us in a different way and the churches do a lot of GOOD in this world, too so that's a good thing.

Wow, writing this blog today has had me "all over the place." Bottom line...the wedding was beautiful, the kids are now a Mr. and Mrs., family and friends came together to witness, celebrate and share in love...it is ALL GOOD...God is good, my family is healthy, happy and all three of my children have WONDERFUL people as mates who love them dearly and whom they love equally and good lives before them with healthy, happy children. It's all a Mother could ask for her children.

So, to Jen and Elliot...I celebrate your LOVE and wish you joy, happiness ,togetherness, prosperity and health...all the days of your lives.

Wishing everyone a glorious, love-filled day!

Namaste!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I hit the wall running...

Yes...I was doing great until I hit the wall running and was stopped cold. I've been dusting myself off and trying to find my legs again. More on that later.

I succeeded with the fast for 3 days and then had a spinach quesadilla and hated myself for a week, maybe longer. Still beating myself up about it but I'll try again and maybe succeed for the full 10-days next time. I should NEVER have left the relative safety of my own space. I drove to my daughter's (26 miles) and it was 26 miles of unending restaurants of every kind and billboards of food of every kind. Earlier in the day, I had gone to my painting group and I skipped the lunch afterwards even though they were going to my FAVORITE Mexican restaurant. I came home and drank my lemonade like a good girl. Yet that Mexican food was floating around in my brain, taunting me and I had almost made it to my daughters house but at the last turn, there it was, like a beacon of light in the dark night...a brand new Mexican restaurant flashing NOW OPEN. My car turned of it's own violition and next thing I knew, I was sitting in a booth at a table with a multi-colored tablecloth in front of a basket of chips and a bowl of salsa and my mouth was saying "spinach quesadilla" please. Someone else within me (the "naughty" girl) just took over and the FASTer (the "good" girl) in me went someplace else. Such is my life. I try and I try and I try.

Today is Thursday and my son, his wife and my two grandchildren are arriving from Denver to be a part of the wedding. Tomorrow we all head north to Blue Ridge where we'll staying in one of the town's new hotels. It is a rare occasion because ALL of my children and grandchildren will be together in one place because of "THE WEDDING." I could write for an hour or two about THE WEDDING but I've much to do today around THE WEDDING so I'll keep it short. It will be a beautiful, outdoor wedding and I'll post pictures later. The wedding is coming AFTER the baby carriage but what else is new these days? He'll be in the wedding instead of the gleam in his Dad's eye at the wedding! :-)

For me, the ONLY dark spot in all of this and it may yet turn out to be a silver lining is having to see someone I could live the rest of my life and be completely happy never to see again. Yet see them I must and I will and then it will be a memory and I will hopefully never have to see them again. I started to say there are not many people in my life I don't wish to see again but the truth is that there is only ONE person in my life I have a desire to never see again and it is the person I'll come face-to-face with on Friday night at the Rehearsal Dinner. There's no getting around it and believe me, I've tried and tried to think of a way to avoid seeing them but it's not happening. So, this is my greatest challenge, my "opportunity for growth", my worst nightmare...whatever...we'll see. It's got my stomach in an uproar, I can tell you, and it's making me sweat when I think about it. I "pep talk" myself with the old "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" and "what's the worst thing that could happen" and then "what's the best thing that could happen?" Yet, I come up with a complete and total blank and I can't answer even one of those questions. I'm the answers lady and I can't find an answer for my own dilemma. I can't pep talk my own self to the other side of this one and it is making me me crazy. So, what to do? What to do?

I'm going to put it out of my mind for now. I've got a lot to do today so I'm going to make my list and stay focused on what I need to do and not let this "other" pull me off focus. It's like walking headfirst into a wind tunnel....I'll just keep my head tucked down and keep moving my feet, one step at a time and I'll get to the end of this tunnel and walk out into a beautiful day of sunshine, brightly colored flowers and birds singing. I am focusing on watching my grandchildren on Saturday, scattering rose petals, doing cute grandchildren things that make us all smile...watching my daughter in her beautiful dress walk down the aisle towards her handsome fiancee and her future...oh geez, I'm getting the lump in my throat and misty eyes just thinking about it. I'm not going to let the "other" get my day...it's a beautiful, sacred moment and I am going to float into that moment and just enjoy the moment of LOVE and FAMILY and let the "other" take care of itself in the way that is best for all concerned. If it weren't for that "other" NONE of this would be happening and life would be so different so I will focus on that and be grateful. Yes, that's what I'm going to do. I'm sure it's going to be fine. I have so much to be grateful for and that's where I choose to put my focus.

Now...up and at 'em! There's a wedding happening in two days and my beautiful little Sabra and Timothy are probably at the airport in Denver already getting on the plane with their Mommy and Daddy to come and visit and have some fun with the family! It's all good!

I'll write more AFTER the wedding. I'm leaving my computer at home for the next few days and won't even be checking (gasp) e-mail until Monday morning. So, have a great weekend and I'll let you know how it all goes (even the "other" experience).

Namaste!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Master Cleanse - Day 3 - Morning

Happy April 1st! April's showers bring May flowers and sure enough it's raining! Love it.

I woke up around 5:00am and did my "salt water flush" and then started on my morning meditations and learned exactly what I need as I go through my day today. Once that salt water flush started kicking in it was up and down so I've already had some exercise this morning. If you do this flush, be aware that you really need (1)to be close to a bathroom, very close and (2)buy extra soft tissue because you'll be using a lot of it. Those are two important facts that Stanley Burroughs forgot to mention in his book!

In about 15 minutes I leave to go paint with the ladies and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm definitely taking my easel today after my little back experience last week. I'm working with red, orange and yellow today. That's "hold on to my hat" painting although I don't have to wear a hat today because my hair looks and feels great! The painting is dying to get out of me and I keep seeing it in my head so I know exactly what it wants to be so I need to just let it flow out onto the canvas.

Wedding update: I've got some invitations out for the Bridal Shower which is after the christening on Saturday the 11st. I'm going to Loganville tonight to meet with the kids (since they didn't come here last night as I had hoped) so I can tie them down on some details and I can feel it's "all in order." It's just an illusion anyhow...order, that is but from all of the craziness will come a beautiful event. Staying in touch with the in-laws via e-mail and hoping for a beautiful experience for all involved!

Off and running now. It IS a great day to be alive, all is well in my world and I am expecting a miracle today. Sending love and light to YOU and a reminder to be on the lookout for your own miracles!

Much love...

Namaste!