I'm in the middle or removing everything from my living room so the floors can be refinished tomorrow. Taking all my books and "stuff" and putting them in another room is a tedious process so I thought I'd stop a minute and write since I haven't blogged in a while.
I have a house full of "stuff" but the most important things in it are (1)my photographs, (2)my books, (3)my journals and files and my Wizzie. Other than that, the rest could go away and I would hardly care. Sometimes I wish I could sell everything (or give it away), put the aforementioned items in storage and get into my car and hit the road.
Where would I go? I know my car would automatically head west because that's where my soul yearns to be and even more specifically, in the Bay area. What would I do once I got there? Good question. Sometimes the "trip" is more exciting than the "getting there" because it's all about anticipation. A long walk on the beach would be first up for me and feeling the course sand under my feet, the fog and wind on my face and the roar of the ocean ringing in my ears. When I am at the beach, I am more aware of being one with God and one with all. Perhaps that is what I most long for and the beach is where I most feel it. Some feel it more in the mountains or the desert but for me, it will always be the beach.
I'm contemplating a return to school. It's been a life long dream to "finish up." It's one of those things that's "hanging out there" unfinished in this lifetime and I am feeling a strong urge to complete it and have more tools for writing and more knowledge and confidence to write. I've been writing most of my life and keeping journals and reading, reading, reading and I've several books in the works that are also "hanging out there." I'd like to leave something of value that will make my children and grandchildren proud of me but mostly, I'd like to do it for myself.
In moving some of my books to another room, Wayne Dyer's "Real Magic" fell onto the floor. Ah, a sign, I think. It's about "Creating Miracles in Everyday Life." Finishing school is a miracle I think I could create. It would be a miracle, too, for more reasons than one. Ah, but that's a story for another day and I have only a few more moments to write.
As I sit here at 12:20pm on Sunday, from my window I can see a sky filled with dark clouds and I know the rain is ready to fall. On my back deck are half eaten pecans that fall from the pecan tree over my deck as the squirrels munch and toss the bits of shells onto my porch. I've become accustomed now to the sound of falling pecans and in the front yard is a black walnut tree that drops golf ball sized nuts onto my roof. When I first moved into this house I was awakened from a dead sleep more than once because of those noises, afraid someone was trying to come in to my house. Now, I pay the noises no mind and in a month or so I'll go out with a basket and pick up the walnuts from the yard and sweep the pecans from my deck. Nuts outside and a big nut inside! :-)
My "job from Hell" ended almost 60 days from it's beginning. I have never had a more stressful job but I left feeling I had accomplished something most wouldn't have been able to do under the circumstances of which I was working. I left feeling compassion for the owners, no regret and great joy at being set free. Now, I'm back on unemployment (although that's not been totally approved yet but I've applied) and I'm trying to figure out how to get back in to school.
I've been looking around on a "Seniors" dating website and why I reached out I don't know. I guess it's my annual "I want someone in my life" moment but I know it will be a fleeting moment and I'll have a little fun with it and then leave as quickly as I went in because I have no time or room for another in my life. It's just fun to think about sometimes. I think I'm just meant to fly solo for the rest of my life and I'm cool with that because my "Big 2" didn't turn out very well so maybe that's just not my path. I love being alone (with my Wizzie) and prefer the "anticipation" of finding "someone" rather than actually finding them. I guess that's why I don't find them. I can't even imagine being with someone and until you can imagine it, how can it happen?
Here comes the rain and it's time for me to get back to moving my "stuff" from the living room. Hope your day is wonderful. I'm loving life today for no reason other than I'm breathing! :-)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
My new job is stimulating and exciting and I'm still trying to get organized and learn what I'm supposed to be accomplishing. My greatest challenge right now is structuring my time so that I can accomplish all that I want to accomplish in my day, including "MY" time for the things that are important to me (like my blog, e-mail, journalling, working on the books I'm writing, staying in touch with family and friends and taking good care of my Wiz-man!). I don't have it down yet but I'm getting better. As it is, I have 3 more minutes to write and then I have to jump in the shower, walk Wiz and hit to door running. That's the way I like to hit the door...RUNNING. I'm learning to become more consistent and I have to write down my daily goals just to help me remember all that I need and want to do although I haven't yet reached a point where I get to tick off everything (I mean, that takes TIME, too).
Time is a concept but it's also a gift to each of us and something I just never seem to have enough of so I stop, take a few deep breaths, get into the MOMENT (instead of the moments that are to come), remember to smile and feel the air enter and leave my body and just give THANKS for the many, many blessings in my life and for the health and energy to do what I want and need to do. How do YOU structure your day to "maximize" it's potential? I'm always interested in knowing a better way and always looking for the better way. Even though time and minutes may be just a concept...I want to make the most of every SECOND of every DAY so that when it's all said and done...well, let's not talk about all said and done and let's just stay in this MOMENT...SEE, I AM LEARNING AS I GO!
So, to that end, carpe diem! It IS a great day to be alive in America and I am expecting a miracle (actually, more than one) today. I've already had a couple so I'm ahead of the game (is it a game?)...just a figure of speech but perhaps like a game...it's what we make of it!
Loving you all...
Namaste! (and now I AM off and running...and LOVING it!)
Time is a concept but it's also a gift to each of us and something I just never seem to have enough of so I stop, take a few deep breaths, get into the MOMENT (instead of the moments that are to come), remember to smile and feel the air enter and leave my body and just give THANKS for the many, many blessings in my life and for the health and energy to do what I want and need to do. How do YOU structure your day to "maximize" it's potential? I'm always interested in knowing a better way and always looking for the better way. Even though time and minutes may be just a concept...I want to make the most of every SECOND of every DAY so that when it's all said and done...well, let's not talk about all said and done and let's just stay in this MOMENT...SEE, I AM LEARNING AS I GO!
So, to that end, carpe diem! It IS a great day to be alive in America and I am expecting a miracle (actually, more than one) today. I've already had a couple so I'm ahead of the game (is it a game?)...just a figure of speech but perhaps like a game...it's what we make of it!
Loving you all...
Namaste! (and now I AM off and running...and LOVING it!)
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009 - HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
Remembering five wonderful fathers in my life this day! My own Dad, my ex-husband, my son and my two son-in-laws! God bless them!
Well, it's been a pretty exciting couple of weeks for me and I've been so busy I haven't had the time to sit down and blog and I've missed it! I am still an Artist in transition but the total transition will have to wait a few more years but in the mean time, I'll paint whenever I can and make my cards, angels and motivational moments as time permits but I have a new focus to take up a very large percentage of my time and I intend to give it my best effort.
After 7 months of unemployment I am "gainfully" employed once again and excited to be working full time again. I'm excited because this is, hopefully, my LAST project and I am delighted to be working with good people and I hope I will be a good influence and a good employee. I'll do my best, that's for sure.
Working will enable me to get a little more financially secure so that I can get the things I will need when I do art full time, which is retirement which is about 5-1/2 years from now. My goal now is to be able to save enough to do my rafting trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon next year. There are adventures ahead for me and helping these good people attain their goals and vision will allow me to do the same for my own self. I feel like God had put me where I am and I am grateful for his goodness!
I'm still in the midst of my "Artist's Way" workshops and a lot of good is coming from the weekly meetings. I'm glad I've still got this going on for another 9 weeks because it will help me to keep myself focused on my art as well as my livlihood. What I have found is that I need to be more organized to accomplish all that I want to accomplish in a day.
I was called Thursday a week ago to come in for an interview, which I did. She called and I showed up! I didn't hear anything on Friday but on Monday, they called me back for another interview and before I left, they offered me the position and I was to start the NEXT MORNING! I didn't even have time to get my head wrapped around it before I dove in. Such is the way of my life. I didn't even think twice, I just say yes and then I praised God all the way home for bringing us together.
It was a bit of a crazy week for me and next week will be even crazier because I'm IT and the girl who I am replacing left on Friday so I've got to start getting things figured out for my own self next week. I will and I'm looking forward to the challenge.
There is no such thing as job security any more so I don't know if this job will last a week, a month, a year or the whole 5-1/2 years but I will take it one day at a time and do my best each day and if it goes the full 5-1/2 years, wonderful and if it doesn't then I know something else will come along but I will do everything within my power to help them be successful. I've worked for two "Entrepreneurs of the Year" and I've got a gut feeling that the man I'm working for now has that same potential. He's very smart and he has a vision AND he seems to be a good family man and that's important to me, too. My family is the most important part of my life so I enjoy working for someone who feels the same way.
I missed painting with my group of artists last week but I am not regretting no longer being able to paint with them. I am, instead, feeling very grateful for the time I had with them and will perhaps see them in the future in some other way. I want to stay in touch with my painting friends, for sure.
Things are pretty good in my life right now. I finally put the "RBJ" "thing" (I don't even know what to call it) to bed...that relationship is now buried and I have a big wreath on the mound that says "Thank you for my lessons learned." Am I looking for another relationship? Nahhh...not yet. I've so much to do right now and there's barely enough time to get through my day and I don't know where I'd fit a relationship in to my schedule. I'm fine without it. I know some people who can't seem to survive without having someone in their life in that capacity. Fortunately for me, I'm not one of those people. I do pretty well on my own and whenever I get lonely, I just grab my grandkids and go have some fun.
Saturday I picked up my 3 Alvarez angels and took them to see the new Ben Stiller movie, "Night at the Museum - Smithsonian" and we had a good time and some good laughs. We ended the evening at Dairy Queen and they walked out with "blizzards" and long spoons! I filled them with candy, popcorn, soda pop, hot dog, popcorn shrimp, french fries and ice cream! I'm a good MIMI! I don't go it often so what the heck. A little sugar never killed anyone, did it? I enjoyed listening to them laugh at the movie and my granddaughter's laugh makes me want to giggle myself! She's such a joy to me!
Well, much still to do but I did want to pop in and say hello and bring you up to date on what's going on with me. Every day, I expect a miracle and I'm never disappointed! Everymore I wake up and thank God for one more day!
I'm so grateful the drought is over and I'm watering as I write (sprinkler) because it was so hot today! This has been a wonderful (and long) Spring and the gardens have been a joy. I still have lots of lilies blooming and now the Glads have started blooming and I have some pink and red ones in a vase in the house. God is good.
It IS a great day to be alive in America! Look for, expect, your miracles, too...I'm sure there are many in store for you!
Sending love and light to all of my wonderful friends. I love you all so much!
Namaste!
This picture was taken on June 11th when I went to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens with my dear friend, Sam. We had a blast and I love this found and this is one of the remaining Dale Chihuley's that remains at the Garden. I LOVE IT! It was a wonderful day and I felt blessed to be able to celebrate the birthday of a special friend in such a wonderful way!
Well, it's been a pretty exciting couple of weeks for me and I've been so busy I haven't had the time to sit down and blog and I've missed it! I am still an Artist in transition but the total transition will have to wait a few more years but in the mean time, I'll paint whenever I can and make my cards, angels and motivational moments as time permits but I have a new focus to take up a very large percentage of my time and I intend to give it my best effort.
After 7 months of unemployment I am "gainfully" employed once again and excited to be working full time again. I'm excited because this is, hopefully, my LAST project and I am delighted to be working with good people and I hope I will be a good influence and a good employee. I'll do my best, that's for sure.
Working will enable me to get a little more financially secure so that I can get the things I will need when I do art full time, which is retirement which is about 5-1/2 years from now. My goal now is to be able to save enough to do my rafting trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon next year. There are adventures ahead for me and helping these good people attain their goals and vision will allow me to do the same for my own self. I feel like God had put me where I am and I am grateful for his goodness!
I'm still in the midst of my "Artist's Way" workshops and a lot of good is coming from the weekly meetings. I'm glad I've still got this going on for another 9 weeks because it will help me to keep myself focused on my art as well as my livlihood. What I have found is that I need to be more organized to accomplish all that I want to accomplish in a day.
I was called Thursday a week ago to come in for an interview, which I did. She called and I showed up! I didn't hear anything on Friday but on Monday, they called me back for another interview and before I left, they offered me the position and I was to start the NEXT MORNING! I didn't even have time to get my head wrapped around it before I dove in. Such is the way of my life. I didn't even think twice, I just say yes and then I praised God all the way home for bringing us together.
It was a bit of a crazy week for me and next week will be even crazier because I'm IT and the girl who I am replacing left on Friday so I've got to start getting things figured out for my own self next week. I will and I'm looking forward to the challenge.
There is no such thing as job security any more so I don't know if this job will last a week, a month, a year or the whole 5-1/2 years but I will take it one day at a time and do my best each day and if it goes the full 5-1/2 years, wonderful and if it doesn't then I know something else will come along but I will do everything within my power to help them be successful. I've worked for two "Entrepreneurs of the Year" and I've got a gut feeling that the man I'm working for now has that same potential. He's very smart and he has a vision AND he seems to be a good family man and that's important to me, too. My family is the most important part of my life so I enjoy working for someone who feels the same way.
I missed painting with my group of artists last week but I am not regretting no longer being able to paint with them. I am, instead, feeling very grateful for the time I had with them and will perhaps see them in the future in some other way. I want to stay in touch with my painting friends, for sure.
Things are pretty good in my life right now. I finally put the "RBJ" "thing" (I don't even know what to call it) to bed...that relationship is now buried and I have a big wreath on the mound that says "Thank you for my lessons learned." Am I looking for another relationship? Nahhh...not yet. I've so much to do right now and there's barely enough time to get through my day and I don't know where I'd fit a relationship in to my schedule. I'm fine without it. I know some people who can't seem to survive without having someone in their life in that capacity. Fortunately for me, I'm not one of those people. I do pretty well on my own and whenever I get lonely, I just grab my grandkids and go have some fun.
Saturday I picked up my 3 Alvarez angels and took them to see the new Ben Stiller movie, "Night at the Museum - Smithsonian" and we had a good time and some good laughs. We ended the evening at Dairy Queen and they walked out with "blizzards" and long spoons! I filled them with candy, popcorn, soda pop, hot dog, popcorn shrimp, french fries and ice cream! I'm a good MIMI! I don't go it often so what the heck. A little sugar never killed anyone, did it? I enjoyed listening to them laugh at the movie and my granddaughter's laugh makes me want to giggle myself! She's such a joy to me!
Well, much still to do but I did want to pop in and say hello and bring you up to date on what's going on with me. Every day, I expect a miracle and I'm never disappointed! Everymore I wake up and thank God for one more day!
I'm so grateful the drought is over and I'm watering as I write (sprinkler) because it was so hot today! This has been a wonderful (and long) Spring and the gardens have been a joy. I still have lots of lilies blooming and now the Glads have started blooming and I have some pink and red ones in a vase in the house. God is good.
It IS a great day to be alive in America! Look for, expect, your miracles, too...I'm sure there are many in store for you!
Sending love and light to all of my wonderful friends. I love you all so much!
Namaste!
This picture was taken on June 11th when I went to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens with my dear friend, Sam. We had a blast and I love this found and this is one of the remaining Dale Chihuley's that remains at the Garden. I LOVE IT! It was a wonderful day and I felt blessed to be able to celebrate the birthday of a special friend in such a wonderful way!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Synchronicity?
Wednesday - 06/10/09 - 9:15am - It is truly a wonderful day and I'm filled with so much energy the air is popping around me. I don't have much time to write this morning because I've got to drop Wiz off at the groomer's at 9:45am and then get to my painting group by 10:00am. It's a tight schedule but it WILL work! I'm so happy to be able to get Wiz in to the groomer's today. I haven't been able to have him groomed as regularly as I would like since the "end of the job" but my brother's paying for this one so I'm sending much gratitude out into the Universe for my precious, generous, kind and so sweet brother, Jack! I love you, Bro! (Just like to say that...tee hee!)
When we started our journey on the "Artists Way" three weeks ago, we were alerted to be aware of synchonicity or events that occur "seemingly out of the blue" but really have relevance and inter-relatedness. This morning, synchronicity and the abundance of it are high on my "I see" list!
Yesterday, I was going through the books at Goodwill and there was "The Way of the Wizard" by Deepak Chopra. I had purchased the tapes years ago (1995-1996) but when I picked up the book yesterday, I was ready to REALLY hear what he had to say. The Way of the Wizard is "Twenty Spiritual Lessons in Creating the Life You Want." Hmmmmm.... The work we are doing at our Artist's Way workshops is about "creating...the life we want...through our "spiritual journey" to creativity and realizing that we each have the power WITHIN us that we need to complete our journey. The Way of the Wizard is about finding that wizard WITHIN us that we need to complete our journey. And not just complete the journey but completing it IN THE WAY WE WANT. It's our choice. It's all within us. The answers are all there. Synchronicity?
The Law of Attraction, Science of Mind, the "Secret" (not really such a secret!)...it's all about changing your thinking, changing your life. How do we change our thinking? Conscious thought? Oh...synchronicity in action in my life!
My affirmations for today are that I follow my heart and I'm open and ready to go where it may lead me. I find the strength I need at my center. My life is IN ORDER and I am ready for my new beginning." WOW. And so it is.
Seems we ALL have everything we need WITHIN. It's when we take the time to BE STILL we can connect with the Universal Spirit, the Oneness, GOD, Goddess, our Higher Self, Higher Power, whatever words you want to use the message is the same.
Is this an epiphany? No! Is it something that I didn't already know? No! Is it something I've been using consciously? No! I am making that conscious choice to live with awareness and I am expecting miracles in my life EVERY DAY...and it's working. Change your mind, change your life. I've heard it and heard it and heard it and I think I am FINALLY getting it. Yes, I am FINALLY getting it!
I hope you GET IT today, too. Those of us who are pseudo-hippies from the "old days" knew all this "back then" and we just got caught up in "the world." More on that tomorrow. It's still all about LOVE...the holy grail...
Time to run but this is getting interesting. Hang in there with me and we'll transition together! Have a beautiful day and NAMASTE!
When we started our journey on the "Artists Way" three weeks ago, we were alerted to be aware of synchonicity or events that occur "seemingly out of the blue" but really have relevance and inter-relatedness. This morning, synchronicity and the abundance of it are high on my "I see" list!
Yesterday, I was going through the books at Goodwill and there was "The Way of the Wizard" by Deepak Chopra. I had purchased the tapes years ago (1995-1996) but when I picked up the book yesterday, I was ready to REALLY hear what he had to say. The Way of the Wizard is "Twenty Spiritual Lessons in Creating the Life You Want." Hmmmmm.... The work we are doing at our Artist's Way workshops is about "creating...the life we want...through our "spiritual journey" to creativity and realizing that we each have the power WITHIN us that we need to complete our journey. The Way of the Wizard is about finding that wizard WITHIN us that we need to complete our journey. And not just complete the journey but completing it IN THE WAY WE WANT. It's our choice. It's all within us. The answers are all there. Synchronicity?
The Law of Attraction, Science of Mind, the "Secret" (not really such a secret!)...it's all about changing your thinking, changing your life. How do we change our thinking? Conscious thought? Oh...synchronicity in action in my life!
My affirmations for today are that I follow my heart and I'm open and ready to go where it may lead me. I find the strength I need at my center. My life is IN ORDER and I am ready for my new beginning." WOW. And so it is.
Seems we ALL have everything we need WITHIN. It's when we take the time to BE STILL we can connect with the Universal Spirit, the Oneness, GOD, Goddess, our Higher Self, Higher Power, whatever words you want to use the message is the same.
Is this an epiphany? No! Is it something that I didn't already know? No! Is it something I've been using consciously? No! I am making that conscious choice to live with awareness and I am expecting miracles in my life EVERY DAY...and it's working. Change your mind, change your life. I've heard it and heard it and heard it and I think I am FINALLY getting it. Yes, I am FINALLY getting it!
I hope you GET IT today, too. Those of us who are pseudo-hippies from the "old days" knew all this "back then" and we just got caught up in "the world." More on that tomorrow. It's still all about LOVE...the holy grail...
Time to run but this is getting interesting. Hang in there with me and we'll transition together! Have a beautiful day and NAMASTE!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Back at it...and feeling WONDERFUL!
Sometimes, we just need to "feel" what we need to feel and I have to admit I went through a time of "feeling" but I am the better for it. I worked through all the "stuff" around RBJ and I think I've got it figures out. At least enough that I am feeling good again and back to painting, sketching, studying, gardening, and HAVING FUN! Every day is a gift and I unwrap it slowly and savor it, starting my morning with my spiritual work.
I'm facilitating an "Artist's Way" workshop at in my studio and we are on Week 2 in the book although we're meeting for the 3rd time. The first week was about how the workshop would run, what's expected, and a basic introduction to the plan. The second week, we covered the first chapter in the book "Recovering a Sense of Safety" and did a fun exercise together. This week, we'll cover "Recovering a Sense of Identity." I am excited about the next 10 weeks and my journey with these wonderful ladies who have joined me in this voyage inwards to discover, recover and explore our creative selves from a place of spirituality and trust. "As you teach, so you will learn" rolls around in my mind and I am learning so much, not only about my fellow travelers but about my own self. I'm liking my own, too.
I think the month I took off was about learning to love my own self again. I let myself go into "victim" mode. I needed to experience that and then, one day, it was like waking up from a dream. Maybe delving back in to the Course in Miracles shook my soul enough for me to see that I was choosing to play the victim role. It was a choice and I was choosing to be miserable. So, I wallowed in it for a while. I wallowed in self-pity and self-abuse long enough to KNOW that I was making the wrong choices for the way I want to live my life. I forgave myself. I forgave RBJ. I forgave everyone who I perceived had ever "hurt" me because I really don't think anyone I have or have had in my life sat down and thought..."hmmmmm, what can I do to really f-up Sabra?" Nope, I don't believe that was the case but I was just wallowing around in the deep hole I'd fallen in to and bathing in the self-pity, martydom until I looked up and saw the sunlight at the top of the hole and noticed the rope and I pulled myself up out of the mire. I like the sunlight much better than the scary hole but as I climbed the rope out of the hole, I got stronger with each movement to get up the rope. I got stronger and stronger and it became clearer and brighter and when I got to the top of the hole, I looked down and gave thanks for my time there because I was sure a better person as a result of having been there. I make the conscious choice to be all that God wants me to be and to enjoy every single moment, to the best of my ability, for the rest of my life.
I've been on the South Beach diet for about a month and my clothes are starting to be more comfortable. I want to be physically healthy so I can enjoy all the opportunities available to me. I want to ride my bike and feel the freedom of movement and the wind in my hair and the sun on my head. I want to walk, swing my arms and feel the fresh air entering my lungs as I breathe deeply. I want to find love again. Yes, this was a biggie for me but I do want to have someone to share my life with and I know, when the time is perfect, he will appear in my life. I'm not looking but I just know it will happen. I know everything I DON'T want in a companion so that must mean I know what I DO want...I want someone who will read poetry to me, bring me flowers and do thoughtful things for me just to see me smile. In return, I'll go to baseball games and do the same thoughtful things for him. I want someone independent who doesn't NEED me but wants to be with me just because I'm fun to be around. So, to make that happen, I NEED to be fun to be around and the Sabra that was in that hole was NOT fun to be around and that's why I "went away" for a while. I needed to get things sorted out.
That having been said, I am also aware that perhaps a companion is not a part of my destiny and I have things that I am meant to accomplish. So, that could be a possibility and if it is becomes a reality, I'm okay with that, too because I won't live my life "waiting." I will LIVE my life, every day, in the way I want to live it. I will do what I want to do and be who I want to be and I can do it with or without someone at my side.
I found a handwritten note in one of my books that RBJ has written when we first got back together. It had a list of things "we" wanted. A home, a garden, a picket fence, etc. Guess what...I brought every single thing on the list into my reality. I did it and I have all of the things "we" wanted. I made it happen and I guess I pushed him out of my, too because his words didn't match his actions. In many scenarios, his actions didn't match his words and I finally realized it. It was an epiphany and something I had resisted for too many years. I didn't want to believe that he was NOT who I thought he was and finally, I did. I believe it. That's when I started seeing the light. I first had to forgive my own self for seeing only what I wanted to see instead of seeing the whole, true picture. It doesn't mean he's a bad person, at all. In fact, he's a very good person. He's just not the right person for ME and I accept that now and I believe it and I am ready, at last (after over 40 years) to move beyond trying to hold on to something that was never there.
You'd think I'd have gotten to that place many, many years ago. I would never have dreamed that I wouldn't have it all "figured" out by this age. But "this age" is just more of any other day that came before. I'm still a newborn, but more. I'm still a toddler, but more. I'm still a teenager, but more. I'm still 30, but more. We're still EVERYTHING we ever were, but MORE and yet sometimes, we get stuck in a place and time
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Going on a journey until June 5th...see you then!
Okay, I'm going offline for 30 days. No INTERNET for 30 days. No blog. No e-mail. It is a challenge I have set for my own self and one that is needed. I need to be successful in this (better than I was with the fast, I hope and pray).
I'm in such a wierd place right now, I don't feel like I can be of any help to anyone until I can help myself. So, I'm shutting down, going within and looking for the strength and resources needed to find my ...I don't even know what it is I'm looking for so I don't know how to finish that sentence. I guess I'm looking for some peace of mind, peace of spirit and a healing not only for my body but moreso for my soul. I'm looking for some hope. I am sick. I can't get my breath. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and loaded up on sterioids to knock out the inflamation and other drugs to help but I know that my physical illness is a direct result of the sickness within my soul, my spirit. I am gasping for breath in more ways than one and feel as if I'm sinking fast.
So, that's why I'm shutting down. I accept responsibility for my own happiness. I accept responsibility for my own self. If I am feeling as I am feeling and I believe that I create my own reality, then I need to do some very serious soul seaching and focus on within which is where my answers lie. I am almost 60 years old (okay, closer to 59 but what the heck at this point) and I am still feeling the pain of an 18-year-old that I just never got beyond and it keeps coming back to me, over and over again, so that I can move on but instead of moving on, it just puts me in a tailspin and it's like having to start ALL OVER again. Just when I think I'm good to go...there it is...in my face again and I'm right back to square one. It's like playing the game "Sorry" and I'm always getting bumped back to home. I don't have too many more years to get bumped back so I need to get this figured out pretty quickly now.
So, the question is...am I feeling this way because I am sick or am I sick because I am feeling this way? Perhaps a little of both. Normally, I am a positive, upbeat person that you just can't keep down but I'm in a dark space right now and I know that I am the only one to pull myself out of it. So, I can't get online every day and write joyful things and send out positive, happy e-mails when that's not what I am feeling and it makes it me feel like I am living a lie. So I have to shut down and get my head together. It's difficult even being honest about this because it feels as if I failed in some way to accomplish something I was supposed to accomplish. I haven't gotten IT yet, but I'm trying.
I'll be back on June 5th and I will be in a much better place than I am this day, I AM SURE. I still have faith and "Faith is the little bird that feels the sun and sings though the dawn be dark." So, it's dawn and it's dark for me right now. But I know the sun rises shortly. Just give me 30 days and I will back to being myself and I guess I will always be...an artist in transition.
Happy month to you and we'll talk again on June 5th. I promise. I'm off on a journey...an adventure...into a deep, deep forest wherein sits a wise woman and a wise man...who are there to show me the way back to the light...they're waiting...and I'm packing up and going in...
I'll tell you about my journey on June 5th...
I'm in such a wierd place right now, I don't feel like I can be of any help to anyone until I can help myself. So, I'm shutting down, going within and looking for the strength and resources needed to find my ...I don't even know what it is I'm looking for so I don't know how to finish that sentence. I guess I'm looking for some peace of mind, peace of spirit and a healing not only for my body but moreso for my soul. I'm looking for some hope. I am sick. I can't get my breath. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and loaded up on sterioids to knock out the inflamation and other drugs to help but I know that my physical illness is a direct result of the sickness within my soul, my spirit. I am gasping for breath in more ways than one and feel as if I'm sinking fast.
So, that's why I'm shutting down. I accept responsibility for my own happiness. I accept responsibility for my own self. If I am feeling as I am feeling and I believe that I create my own reality, then I need to do some very serious soul seaching and focus on within which is where my answers lie. I am almost 60 years old (okay, closer to 59 but what the heck at this point) and I am still feeling the pain of an 18-year-old that I just never got beyond and it keeps coming back to me, over and over again, so that I can move on but instead of moving on, it just puts me in a tailspin and it's like having to start ALL OVER again. Just when I think I'm good to go...there it is...in my face again and I'm right back to square one. It's like playing the game "Sorry" and I'm always getting bumped back to home. I don't have too many more years to get bumped back so I need to get this figured out pretty quickly now.
So, the question is...am I feeling this way because I am sick or am I sick because I am feeling this way? Perhaps a little of both. Normally, I am a positive, upbeat person that you just can't keep down but I'm in a dark space right now and I know that I am the only one to pull myself out of it. So, I can't get online every day and write joyful things and send out positive, happy e-mails when that's not what I am feeling and it makes it me feel like I am living a lie. So I have to shut down and get my head together. It's difficult even being honest about this because it feels as if I failed in some way to accomplish something I was supposed to accomplish. I haven't gotten IT yet, but I'm trying.
I'll be back on June 5th and I will be in a much better place than I am this day, I AM SURE. I still have faith and "Faith is the little bird that feels the sun and sings though the dawn be dark." So, it's dawn and it's dark for me right now. But I know the sun rises shortly. Just give me 30 days and I will back to being myself and I guess I will always be...an artist in transition.
Happy month to you and we'll talk again on June 5th. I promise. I'm off on a journey...an adventure...into a deep, deep forest wherein sits a wise woman and a wise man...who are there to show me the way back to the light...they're waiting...and I'm packing up and going in...
I'll tell you about my journey on June 5th...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A new day...
and I had lots to do but the day didn't go quite as planned.
Today is the day my painting group meets but before I could get out of here, my sister called and asked me to look for her dog. She had him outside on his lease and he got away from her. She was worried about him getting caught up in a fence or entangled because of his leash. Well it was a good thing she called me. I grabbed my dog for a walk and starting walking the neighborhood and calling for Joey (Mechelle's dog). I walked over to the next street and down to where it ends in some woods, all the while calling for Joey. When I got to the end of the street, I heard a whimpering off in the woods so I decided to investigate. There he was! Poor thing stuck and his leash was all tangled up in some vines and he couldn't move more than about six inches. I felt so sorry for him. So, I extricated him and he was so happy. I walked both dogs home and let Wiz stay on my deck while I took Joey in to his house. He drank almost a whole bowl of water as it was already hot by 10:00am this morning. He went right into his kennel and settled down. I think he was worn out from his little adventure. I felt like Wonder Woman because I'd saved the poor guys life!
I never made it to my painting class but I did h and paint some book marks and get off my registration for the 3rd Annual Historic Buford Arts and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I completed the Chakra cards that go with the Chakra stones I'm going to sell so the book marks are done and the Chakra bags and cards are done. Now, I need to work on making some more cards and a couple of Angel creations. I already have some paintings I'm going to take but I need to put hangers on them and then they're ready. I've got my table and set up and need to find a canopy/tent to borrow because it will either be hot or rainy or both. Hopefully it's just hot because I'm hoping a lot of people come out for the festival.
Off to bed now. Hope you had a good day. I did.
Namaste
Today is the day my painting group meets but before I could get out of here, my sister called and asked me to look for her dog. She had him outside on his lease and he got away from her. She was worried about him getting caught up in a fence or entangled because of his leash. Well it was a good thing she called me. I grabbed my dog for a walk and starting walking the neighborhood and calling for Joey (Mechelle's dog). I walked over to the next street and down to where it ends in some woods, all the while calling for Joey. When I got to the end of the street, I heard a whimpering off in the woods so I decided to investigate. There he was! Poor thing stuck and his leash was all tangled up in some vines and he couldn't move more than about six inches. I felt so sorry for him. So, I extricated him and he was so happy. I walked both dogs home and let Wiz stay on my deck while I took Joey in to his house. He drank almost a whole bowl of water as it was already hot by 10:00am this morning. He went right into his kennel and settled down. I think he was worn out from his little adventure. I felt like Wonder Woman because I'd saved the poor guys life!
I never made it to my painting class but I did h and paint some book marks and get off my registration for the 3rd Annual Historic Buford Arts and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I completed the Chakra cards that go with the Chakra stones I'm going to sell so the book marks are done and the Chakra bags and cards are done. Now, I need to work on making some more cards and a couple of Angel creations. I already have some paintings I'm going to take but I need to put hangers on them and then they're ready. I've got my table and set up and need to find a canopy/tent to borrow because it will either be hot or rainy or both. Hopefully it's just hot because I'm hoping a lot of people come out for the festival.
Off to bed now. Hope you had a good day. I did.
Namaste
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