Monday Mornings...

Monday mornings are great! Monday signals new beginnings for me although I do admit that in the past there were times when it meant only the end of a wonderful weekend I was loath to let go.

There have been break-ups, divorce, death, sadness and pain in my last week for people I care about and I feel and am compassionate about their feelings and experiences without letting my own SELF get bogged down in it, knowing they will come out the other side changed but after a time, it can be like a Monday for them, too. Perhaps that makes me come across as a little cold but I am not, I am just hopeful for a new tomorrow, always.

I have experienced loss, of many different types and what I have found is that with every loss comes a new opportunity, a change in direction but life can still be a wonderful, amazing experience if we look for the amazing, wonderful things that are still here. It is difficult to know exactly what to say to someone I care about when they have experienced a loss or are going through a life changing experience such as death or divorce. I want to bring them comfort and facilitate their healing process. I want to "make it better." I know that it is really not within my power or my control but in the power and control of the one who is experiencing the pain and the loss. Sometimes, I think it helps to hear the words from another so there is value in saying what I feel is positive and uplifting.

I've always been a bit of a loner although I enjoy and dearly love my friends and family. I have relied upon my own SELF to get through my sufferings and I'm too prideful to let my pain show. Happiness is an inside job. I know that I am the one that has to find my own happiness and no one else can do it for me and it's not their job anyhow. I consider myself a strong person, able to "roll with the punches" but there have been times in life when I have felt humbled and brought to my knees and wallowed in my own self-pity. Divorce, loss of love, loss of a child, loss of a parent, loss of a friend, loss of love, children leaving home...it's all a part of the process we know as life. Still, I believe in LIFE and I believe in LOVE and more than anything, I believe life goes on regardless of the experiences. As long as I am breathing, there is hope. Hope for a Monday morning, a new beginning, a new path, a new experience.

Many years ago, my brother gave me two little placques for posting on the refrigerator. The quote on one was the "Happiness is an inside job" and the quote on the other is "Along the way, Take the time to smell the flowers." I've tried to model my adult life around those two quotes. I say "tried" because I've not always been successful and I've had my "black holes" but I always manage to pull myself back up, with the help of God and my faith. Another of my favorite quotes is "Faith is the little bird that feels the sun and sings, although the dawn be dark." Another way of hanging on to hope and having faith. If I have given my children nothing else, I hope I have been able to pass on to them this faith and this belief in life.

We all struggle. We struggle with loss, love, finances (always a struggle for all of us in my family but we seem to be able to always "have enough"), moods, divorce, loss of trust, betrayal and sometimes we betray and sometimes we are the betrayed. All a part of life. It is what we do with all of these losses and struggles that define our character and the quality of our life. As long as we keep breathing, there can be a Monday morning, a new beginning, a new opportunity. Let go and move on and MAKE the minute, the day, the week what we need it to be for our own happiness. Grieve, suffer, be depressed. These are all feelings that we experience at one time or another but don't linger long there in the darkness. Feel it and then move on and get back into the sun. We are all capable of it and if not, get some help to find it.

Today I am going to wrap some Christmas gifts, work on my book for my family, write a little, organize a little, enjoy my Mom a little, walk Wizzie and enjoy the fresh air a little, e-mail my friends a little and all those little bits will add up to one big, fine day.

I had someone say to me this morning, "It sure was a crappy weekend outside, wasn't it." Instead of following along with that train of thought, I said, "Yes, it was wet and cold out but it made it that much more comfortable to be inside and I accomplished a lot inside of my house this weekend." It changed the whole tone of the conversation. Yes, it was wet and cold outside but hey, it's December and we have a lot of those days in December. Still, it was a great weekend! I didn't leave my house but it was a fulfilling weekend and this morning, I am sitting here writing in an environment that is neat, orderly and fun to be in because I had the time to make it that way this weekend.

I had a custom wall-unit built for my bedroom and it was installed last week. It was built by Tim Ford and Arlo Alvarez and they knocked my socks off with their expertise. I had a vision and they brought that vision to a reality. Here's a picture of what it looks like and I am happy as a lark with my "new" bedroom!



If you need anything built and you are in Georgia, Tim Ford Woodworking at 678-776-8315 is the place to go for custom woodworking. The work is beautiful and he is a master at creating a lasting and beautiful work of art, of a sort. He is definitely a master craftsman and I highly recommend him.

That having been said, I'm off now to create a wonderful day for myself. I hope you do the same for your own self. Remember..."happiness is an inside job" so work hard at that job and you can succeed admirably!

Namaste, my friends!

Just thinking...

It is winter quiet this morning and the day is gray outside and the remainder of summer's sage, wilted and begging for me to come out and cut it back, is blowing in the wind. There is just a hint of purple left on the ends but the leaves look sad and worn out from the frost we had a few nights ago. I like the peaceful quiet of a winter's morning but not as much as the vibrancy of a Spring morning yet both are a part of the cycle of nature and of life. I've been thinking much of both since I brought my Mom up from Florida to live with me.

Somedays, I feel like the sage because I am tired and growing older by the minute. Yet I am happy that I can find peace, still. This is a test of my character and of my beliefs, which are tested daily.

My Mom and I have had a strange relationship most of my adult life and I've lived away (far away) from her since I was old enough to leave home. I left and never looked back when I was 18 and I made my way on my own, stumbling and bumbling but making it on my own and I liked it that way.

She's still my Mom, though and nothing will change that and I love her for giving me the gift of life and I am trying now, to get to know to her as an adult. Yet it feels as if I have another child because she can't get around very well (which is why I brought her up here to live with me) and she uses a walker and a wheelchair, when we go out. I'm glad I am physically able to help her although I admit that sometimes, it does take a lot of energy to do all that needs to be done around just "moving" her from place to place. Yet, I feel compelled to do what I can to help her enjoy her final years. She will be 80 on December 21st. The scary thing, to me is the reminder that 80 comes up real fast behind 60 (which I will be on March 1st).

My Dad's gone, most of her friends have already passed over and there was no one (of any merit) in Destin to care for her. So now, I have the opportunity to be a bigger person and to grow and I'm finding that I enjoy having her around. I've cleared out my studio and made it into as a nice a room for her as possible, with bright colors and pretty things. I put a birdfeeder up outside the window so she can enjoy the birds and have done all I know to do to make her comfortable.

We play cards every day and eat our meals together but she sleeps alot and so I still have time for my writing and "thinking" and although I'm feeling heavy, I'm not sure it's because of her because I always get heavy in winter which is my least favorite season. Usually I endure it rather than embrace it but perhaps this year I can learn to embrace the winter, too.

Mom is in the winter of her life and I'm in the fall. I'm not ready for winter and I'm not even ready for fall. I want to be in Spring eternally with perhaps a hint of summer. That's what I feel in my heart and soul most of the time but when I look in the mirror, the reflection yells back FALL and I hate it but I'm trying to be more zen about it.

If we manifest everything in our life, and I believe we do, then I have created this opportunity to allow my spirit to grow. In my opinion, that's my purpose in life. I came here to grow spiritually. Now, in the FALL, I'm being given a wonderful opportunity. Now to seize it and GROW. What does that mean? I don't know right now but I know there is a lesson here for me.

Already, good things have happened for me around the changes. Life is not what I had in my "dream" five years ago but I know that I am very, very blessed and I am hoping to pass through THIS WINTER and come out the other side without falling into my usual "winter depression" and as always, even though it is a gray, winter's day outside, I am looking ahead to the Spring. I've planted more bulbs this year and put in more crocus so I can see them from my desk as I write. Crocus are the harbingers of Spring,along with the Forsythia, and I put a lot in because by the time they show their beautiful little faces, I need their color to bring my hope to fore.

I'm not painting right now and that's put aside until the Spring when I'll paint in the annual Plein Air event again. Yet I can write and I'm working on my book of poetry for my family. I don't know if they'll appreciate it because it is so personal and much of what brought me great joy brought them pain and I was selfish about my love. Perhaps it will have more meaning for my grandchildren when they are grown and have had loves of their own and I know one of my children will understand better how life throws us a curve ball now and again. I won't say which one but as an adult having passed through a similar life experience the "ah ha" light should go off and the door to greater understanding and growth opened a lot wider.

I could write more about how interesting it is to watch the growth of another human being (and admittedly, their pain is my pain because my child's pain is always my own, too, as well as their joys) but...

AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER...

Mom smelled the Nag Champa essential oil I had in the burner and came in to see what I was doing so I made her some breakfast and played a game of rummy with her and now she has gone back to bed to watch TV for a while (and probably sleep). She sleeps a lot but that's understandable. Babies and old people...(well, okay..."older" people) seem to need lots of sleep. Some because they are growing and some because they are slowing.

Time for me to move into my day. I'm still "reorganizing" and trying to fit in my home and I have a large box for Goodwill of good things that no longer have a place but may help another or perhaps there's a need that can be inexpensively filled and that would make me happy. Mom asked what I was giving to Goodwill because she might want something and I said "don't even look because it is all going to Goodwill" and we had a laugh about it.

I have to go to the Post Office because I didn't get out to my mailbox in time for pickup and to Goodwill and to the Food Bank to drop off some canned goods. I had thought to have a full day at home but it looks like that's not to be. It seems there's always something that has to be done that requires me leaving the house and I suppose that's okay. Before Mom came, there were days at a time when I just "snuggled in" or spent the day working in the yard from sun up until I came in, dirty from head to toe and tired to the bone but feeling satisfied with a day well spent and something to show for the effort. Sometimes I'd just sit at the computer for hours, writing, musing, sending e-mails and reading blogs or something else I found interesting (or looking at something relative to OH MY GOD Robert Pattinson who has captured my fancy like millions of other women of ALL AGES. He sure is "purty"...there's something about that "bad boy" persona with a "heart" that captures my fancy and provides stimulus for my fantasies! Lord, make me 18 again! LOL!).

So, wishing you a joyful day, filled with all that makes you happy!

A Mini Adventure

In about 4 hours I will be leaving for a mini adventure with a woman who was one of my best friends in high school. We lost each other for some time in our wanderings and life experiences but reconnected, joyfully, about ten years ago. Her name is Regina and she's a Real Estate broker now and was the agent for the purchase of my little home that I love so much here in historic downtown Buford. She also helped my brother get in to his house. We go to the high school reunions together and enjoy social events at each others houses and although our paths took us in different directions, we find that still, we are heart-to-heart. She's a conservative (I forgiver her) AND I'm a liberal (she forgives me). Her husband is a "hunter-gather" and their home abounds in dead, stuffed animals that always gives me the willies but it makes them happy and I love them anyhow. Her husband is one of the sweetest, kindest men I've ever met (she teasingly calls him "Daniel Boone" and he would have lived well in that era) and the two love each other madly and I so appreciate that about them, especially given my dismal history with love.

They own a darling beach home in Carrabelle, Florida and Regina and I are having a "get-away" for the next four days with the high point (aside from one-on-one time together) being the Apalachicola Seafood Festival which occurs on November 6th-7th. I'm excited to check out the artist's booths as I've been looking around for shows and festivals where my art may sell.

I've been working in the yard again and last weekend I bought a couple of flats of pansies (50% off at Lowe's, how could I not?) so I've been in a dead heat to get them all in before leaving on my mini-adventure. I finished yesterday and already I'm so excited for the color and the joy they will bring through the cold winter months when the trees are barren and everything else has gone to sleep. I also moved a climbing rose bush that tries to overgrow my house to a place beside the arbor in the front and I am hoping it will be happy there. Actually, I am just hoping it survives the move. What a job! It took me a good half-hour to get it dug up because after 3 years in that spot, it was well-rooted and I had to cut some of the roots just to get it out. I ended up with about a 12" diameter of a root ball and I can tell you it was NOT easy getting that rascal up and then it was so heavy I had to use the wheelbarrow to move it. I had a clematis at the place where I moved the rose bush so I had to dig that up first (it got moved to a place by the mailbox and again, I'm hoping it survives the move as it is a beautiful plant through the spring and summer). Anyhow, another two holes to dig. When I got up this morning, I could hardly move my arms and I have a streak of pain in my back. It's all good though! Nothing like manual labor to clear the mind.

After the planting and cutting back of some things, I transported two wheelbarrows of yard debris to the street for pick up and then I got out the blower and blew my walkway, driveway, back deck and front porch. Now, it looks neat and clean but by the time I get back, the leaves will have built up again. I don't mind because I love the trees and so I put up with the leaves and the mess (see my earlier blog about the pecan messes!).

Time to start packing. I hit a bonanza jackpot at Goodwill last week and picked up 3 college Literature textbooks (Elements of Literaure, 3rd, 4th and 6th) for $2.50 each and they are the teacher's editions so more prized by me. I'm sure the books probably cost in the hundreds because textbooks are so expensive. I was so happy with the find and can't wait to delve into them because there are many, many good authors represented. I also bought a book of Shakespeare that can be read with children (maybe I'll "get" it now, too!) I'm taking a few books with me. I'm also reading a book about Eastern Philosopy, Greek and Roman Mythology and Vein of Gold by the wonderful Julia Cameron. I would be equally happy just staying home and reading but I make myself do fun things and socialize because I could too easily become reclusive.

People ask me if I'm lonely because I'm single and I'd have to answer truthfully and empathically NO! I am never bored, I like my time and space to do what I want whenever I want. If I want to go to the Comedy Club or to listen to music or whatever, I can always find a friend to go with but most of the time, I'm happy as a clam (are clams happy?) just puttering about the house or writing or painting... whatever strikes my fancy. I communicate daily with friends by e-mail or phone and I'm never lonely. I also have my brother and sister on the same street and that's a comfort and my children and grandchildren are close so am I lonely? Never!

I've had two big loves and several minor ones in my life and I think that's my quota and that's okay with me. Right now I'm obsessing over Robert Pattinson because he's so darn sexy and pleasing to look at and dream about being with someone so intelligent, talented, and easy on the eye but if I had the choice, I'd choose to just obsess as I do (he's less than half my age, after all, but I'm not DEAD even though I'm not lonely!) from afar. My kids think I'm crazy but there was a time when John Travolta held that place of honor for me (back in the "Staying Alive" phase of the 80's). It's no different from men obsessing over Megan Fox or Marilyn Monroe or Angelina Jolie (oh, I almost forgot my past obsession with Brad Pitt but he's looking gnarly to me these days and John Travolta, well forget it! They are ex-sex symbols for me. Robert Pattinson is thre man and check this out and I'm sure you will agree. This is the link. I hope it works because it is SMOKING HOT! You'll have to cut and past it in to your browser because I don't know how to embed it in this blog. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKlkGxfpTHU

I've made that video one of my favorites and I watch it at least once a day (talk about obsessing!) It's just good fun and nice fantasy. I can't wait for New Moon to come out this month and I blew through Stephanie Meyers four books a day at a time and one was 700 pages! Because I am "alone" I could do that so why would I not enjoy this life?

Back, but to my mini-adventure. It will be interesting and fun to see the weekend unfold and we'll walk the beach and take pictures at sunset, go to the Blessing of the Fleet, eat copious amounts of oysters, drink too many martinis and have some good laughs! She lets me bring Wiz with me (can't be too far away from him) and she's considerate in that way because she has had "elderly" dogs that adore her and she has adored so she understands and I'm so happy for it. If he's not at my side, my feet or in my room I feel like something is missing. Last night he was curled up in his bed snoring! It made me laugh as I remembered others in my life with only two legs snoring equally as loud! We'll walk the Seafood Festival and enjoy all the arts and crafts and eat nice meals. It will be lovely, I'm sure and I'll tell you all about it when I get back.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend filled with everything you love!

Namaste

Ramblings of a dreamer looking SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD...

In 1977 when my first child, a son we named Joshua, was in my arms, only three days old, I marveled at his perfection and was filled with the wonder a first time Mother will understand. In the span of a moment, I saw his conception, birth, childhood, teen years, graduation from high school and college and marriage. The tears on my face brought me back to reality and I realized all those events were somewhere down the road and right now, I was holding a small bundle of possibility.

Somewhere down the road, I was blessed with two more small bundles of possibility and today, in 2009, they each have their own bundles of possibility and somewhere down the road has happened for all three of my children who are now parents themselves and are dreaming their own dreams for their children and travelling their own road.

A marriage to a wonderful person who loved them dearly and a beautiful ceremony to commemorate that love was something I had dreamed for each of my children. That dream did come true and all three experienced a beautiful wedding, in a way that was perfect for them and a delight to me.

Joshua was married in a small, intimate wedding at a “Victorian Garden” in Denver, Colorado on a beautiful Spring day, April 30, 2000. A a violinist in a long, flowered gown played aoft, sweet music in the background as the guests were seated. A quote by one of my favorite poets, Kahlil Gibran” was spoken as a part of the service. The verse was about love and it was their choice because neither knew how much I enjoy Gibran so I was touched that they had found him on their own. For the Mother/Son dance at the reception, Joshua had chosen the Stevie Nicks song “Landslide” for the two of us to dance together and we both cried tears of joy and sadness at the same time and the song will always be meaningful to me. Bubbles were blowing from a machine above the dance floor and the softly falling bubbles gave the room a feeling of joy and lightheartedness. I’ve always thought bubbles contained wishes and hearts desires so the bubbles were perfect for the occasion. The event was a lovely coming together of two hearts and two families.

Jessica, born two years after Joshua, was married at a place called "Vecoma at The Yellow River" near Stone Mountain, Georgia on November 1, 1997. "Vecoma at The Yellow River" is marketed as Atlanta's most charming and distinctive special events facility that is set upon a magnificently wooded forest and is the perfect location for weddings. The plan was to have the ceremony, at dusk, with Jessica and Arlo standing at River's edge, under the trees which were wearing their fall splendor of orange, yellow and red. However, just before the ceremony began, it started to rain. So, we moved the wedding inside the lovely, riverside lodge with 14-foot-high ceilings, a huge stone fireplace, and french doors leading to a HUGE deck overlooking the Yellow River where they would have been married. Instead, they were married in front of a roaring fire which had been made to take the chill off the wet Spring evening. They were married under an arch which had been quickly set up in front of the fireplace. Huge candelabra filled with white candles were placed on either end of the fireplace. The wedding, like my Jessica, was more traditional and perfect for her and her new husband. Her Dad and I cried tears of joy and sadness as she walked down the aisle and took her place beside Arlo. The event was another lovely coming together of two hearts and two families.

Jenny, my third child born in 1988, was married to Elliot on April 18, 2009. The ceremony took place in a meadow, reached by crossing a small foot bridge over a bubbling brook. The vows were spoken under an arbor her husband had built of saplings he’d cut for the occasion as birds chirped and the sound of the brook played it's own song for the occasion. We had hung white tulle from the arbor to dress it up a bit but otherwise left it rustic. The meadow was at “the Briar Patch” in the North Georgia mountains near Blue Ridge which is property owned by her husband’s family and the ashes of his grandfather, whom he had loved dearly, had been scattered in that meadow so his spirit was strong there for Elliot. It was another of those perfect early Spring days with flowers bursting abloom and the trees putting on their new raiment of green and everything smelled fresh and new as we celebrated their love and beginning of life together.

Three of life’s dreams come true, not only for me but for my children. The road I was on in 1977 veered right and I was along for the ride. What a journey it has been!

I didn’t foresee on that day in 1977 when I was first marveling at my newborn son that by the time of the first wedding in 1997, their Dad and I would be divorced but neither of us remarried. In addition to the happy memories of each wedding, I also carry the memory of a rather big fight that got physical the day before Josh’s wedding between his Dad and myself that ruined what was otherwise a perfect day. On the day of Jessica’s wedding, my grandmother died and that was the first time her Dad had brought his new girlfriend to a “family” event and I felt shamed and embarrassed at the same time. Jenny’s wedding was memorable for another reason because I had to see someone that day (her biological Father, but that’s another story because he was not her “Father” but more of a “donor” although I had loved him dearly) that I could have lived the remainder of my life without seeing but there he was, right in front of my face, as he should have been. I was happy for Jen's sake that he was there and maybe for his, too. Not wanting to see him and not loving him are two separate issues and perhaps another story for somewhere down the road.

Life’s funny, isn’t it? For every bit of joy and happiness allotted to me comes a little bit of darkness. I have a choice to focus on that darkness or remember the joy and beauty of those moments. I haven’t forgotten the moments of darkness but they were not the DEFINING moments of the day. They were only moments, along with all the others that were included in that day. I can’t forget them because they happened but I can choose to tuck them away in a dark corner and just let them sit there with the other dark memories. Their corner is a part of the room but such a smaller part of a large, well-lit room.

My dream for my children came true as each of them have found peace, happiness, joy and a good friend to walk beside them as their mate. My three little bundles of possibility, hearts of my heart. What an adventure being their Mother has been and one I would not have any way other than the way it has been, even with the little dark corner filled with the sadnesses and pain, betrayals and missteps. It’s MY dark corner and I own it. Sometimes, I think of my life as a house and sometimes I think of my life as a journey, one long road trip.

The beginning of journey occurs when we draw our first breath and there’s not much we can control about our journey in the beginning but perhaps we have that set up before we make our entrance onto the road. Somewhere down that road, we learn about choices and consequences and it is at that point in time, we begin to chart our own coarse. Looking back, with a wizened eye, I can see each side road and what brought me to it and I can see that each side road had a beauty of it’s own. I went through many scary forests and deep rivers,mucky swamps and barren deserts to get to the place I am today. I look forward to the reminder of the journey which could end in minutes, hours, days or years and I’m ready for anything.

There were times along the journey when I felt like pulling off the road, closing up the house and calling it a day. I went through great depressions but I always made myself get back on the road even if I had to claw my way back to it. I made myself remember that it IS a great day to be alive in America and tomorrow IS a new day. Not just were my beautiful children bundles of possibilities but EVERY DAY is a new bundle of possibility. If I gave my children nothing else for their own journey, I pray that HOPE is the gift I gave to them and the gift they pass along to their own children. Faith, hope and charity are fuel for the journey.

EVERY DAY is a bundle of possibility and if life throws little bits of darkness our way, so be it. Somewhere down the road, we can look back in that corner, remembering the pain but not wallowing in it and if we choose, we can remember all of the light of that day, too. Surely the light is stronger than the darkness. We realize this even moreso somewhere down the road.

Daily, I remind myself to keep the focus on the positive and live the life you dream and dream the life you want to live.

I think I wrote this for myself because I have been forgetting to dream and my car has stalled and the drape fell over the window of my room making it all dark. Now, it's time to jumpstart the car, pull back the curtain and get back on the road to see what’s up ahead. Looks like sunshine with a slight chance of rain!


Namaste

Two latest paintings...

This one is 4' X 3', acrylic on canvas and it was a birthday gift for my sweet Sister. I call it Tres Flores!


I painted this for my grandson. My sister said it is too "girlie" and I thought that a rather sexist comment. Boy have hearts, too, after all!





Actually, the one for Ian is upside down but I didn't realize it when I took the picture and it can actually be viewed from any direction and work, I think.

My sister-in-law's birthday is the 24th of this month so today, I'm working on painting a butterfly for her. It should be fun and something I've not done before.

Enjoy!

Life Goes On

Been a while since I sat down to write here. A lifetime, in fact. At my age, life seems to be on fast forward and I'm afraid it doesn't get any slower as I head toward the finish line.

In the family, there's been a separation that's fast becoming a divorce. The joy of a new baby that has now become a sadness of loss. An appeals hearing travesty that hopefully will go in my favor but was cause of a month's worth of anguish. So much...so many changes.

Yet what occurs to me is that each ending SHOULD be grieved and given it's due but that each ending is also a brand new beginning. Another opportunity. The roads diverged and now that other path is being taken but it may just turn out to be the most glorious one of all.

Along our walk of life (and mine's at a sprint now, as I said) there are many roads and many side trips but they all lead to the same ultimate destination so the reminder to focus on the journey, not the destination feels even more poignant for me today.

I've been so sad for the changes and the hurt and sadness of my loved ones but one of the benefits of being at the sprinting age is that I've already lived through a multitude of changes of my own and KNOW we can come out on the other side, down another road, with equally beautiful trees and equally fun, exciting things to see and do. Had we stayed on the path we were on, we wouldn't have the chance to see and do all that's on the new road.

Look how many years I spent in agonizing anguish because I was not with the one I thought I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Oh, how AWFUL that truly may have been for me. When my daughter lost the baby this week, it came to me to tell her that "God knows what he's doing, even if we don't understand and we need to have trust and faith." I wanted to say that "God knows what SHE is doing but it was on a site that may have caused severe panic and shock throughout the system because a lot of my "old friends" are on there and a lot of my old friends are staunch "good Christians" and I didn't want to offend anyone. Then, last night I watched a movie called "This Thing Called Love" which was River Phoenix's last movie and in it, the heroine writes a song entitled "Maybe God Is A Woman" and I felt a hand on my shoulder saying "yep, it's okay." It made complete sense to me. Synchronistic events occur in my life so often that I'm no longer shocked but pleasantly surprised.

A friend of mine had her home robbed and she's feeling violated. Another friend of a friend who is engaged and about to be married found out his fiancee is cheating on him and she's given him back the ring and told him she no longer loves him. In this case, there are also two children involved who had already come to love him. We're all just barely hanging on to our homes in these tough economic times. My Mom's about to come up to live with me. OH, WOE IS ME...or NOT!!!!

My point is that all of these things need to be grieved or experienced but they don't have to be a bad thing ultimately. It's just another road to travel.

I had an epiphany (another) about my "life long love interest" and once I had it, I find I can't find the sadness I need to write the book I'm working on and I've hit writer's block. Perhaps I've just finally "written it out" which is what I do to my "stuff." Angst is good for the creative process but I suspect it was eating me up and my soul is giving me a reprieve or a respite and I'll get back into the "zone" so I can finish the book but when it's done I will move on to bigger and better things.

I am receiving an incredible amount of new creative energy and am inspired to try new things in my painting and some good work is flowing out of me that is different from my previous work. It's almost like watching a movie and although I'm the one creating, I am also the one being created. It's an interesting concept, at least to me, who thinks about things like that and way too often! I guess I'm wired differently than some but that's okay, too.

My friend Kris has invited me to go to Guatemala with her and although the funds are no where in sight I'm holding the resonance that within the next 30 days, the $$$$ will appear as I am sorely in need of a trip and it is loooong overdue. It will happen if the Universe (She) has it as a part of my plan.

So, all of that having been said, it's a new day and life goes on. Maybe your path will take you down a different road today. Never fear and oh my, look ahead, do you see that beautiful tree with the red leaves being slightly ruffled by the breeze and do you smell that awesome smell of Eucalyptus (or whatever smells nice to you) and ginger lilies and oh, look, a lovely young deer with a white tail just fleeted across the road... lovely, isn't it. Now if you hadn't been forced down this road you would have missed all that beauty and that would have been a shame! Enjoy the journey and keep your eyes open to the joy, the beauty and the love that IS there for you.

Namaste!

Working on a book of poetry

I started working on a book of poetry which I will give to my children and a few select friends for Christmas. Every Christmas I try to do something for my family that is a "part of me" to share. I've done a cookbook (Sabe's Faves) and a short-story entitled "Daddy's Story" and this year will be the book of poetry. It's fun because I am re-living the moments when I wrote each poem and I've a lifetime of memories, some happy, some sad and some poignant. All have their place in the book as all have their place in life.

I'm just back from driving my brother to airport. I thought traffic would be a horrendous nightmare due to the time but it was a breeze, both ways and that was a relief. I was prepared for anything, though, and whenever I get in the car I'm prepared to go with the flow and not let anything bother me. I listen to FM 97.1 which plays the good old classic rock and roll of my younger days and bounce around and/or sing along with the music and I'm a party of one in the car!

Sun is shining brightly outside and it IS a great day to be alive in America. (21 days and counting until New Moon comes out. Can't wait for another taste of eye candy (love me some Robert Pattinson!).

Namaste!

Let the fast begin...

Day one of the Master Cleanser fast. I'm just taking one day at a time and won't go into much detail here. First day is always the worst for me because of caffeine withdrawal. I stayed in bed until almost 3:30pm today (well, I was up a couple of times) which is unheard of for me. I don't know that I've ever slept until 3:30pm but it's okay. I'm just trying to take care of me.

The sun is shining in right now and that feels good after all the rain we've had here. We were fortunate because we live on a hill and the water rolls down the street...right onto my brother's property into his pond. The pond has an overflow system that leads to the creek behind his house. He's on a hill from the creek so that's a good thing. We were fortunate, indeed.

On the positive side, there will be work for those who have had a hard time finding work and that's a good thing. One man's woe is another man's joy. Such is the way of life.

Josh and I worked through our misunderstanding and came out the other side of it more understanding of each other, I think. I have to remind myself how it felt to be in my 30's because I consider most people, including my own children, peers and we're not. That is what was brought home to me in full force yesterday. I LOVE the age that I am and I wouldn't want to go back and re-live anything. I can do that in my mind anyhow and sometimes the version in my mind is much better than the "real" version. It's my story and I'm sticking to it has another meaning altogether in that sense.

I had a conversation with someone I shared a lifepath with for a number of years and the memories he carries of the SAME TIME when were together are so different from mine. I just wonder if it was all a dream and we were never really together for all those years because our sense of that time and memories are so very different. Perhaps that's the "way of life," too?

A sense of peace and calm have settled into my soul, ever since the HELL JOB ended, amen and thank you! I feel as if I am currently in "coast" mode and just taking an easy ride down a gentle slope. I'm enjoying the ride because I have lived long enough to know that there's another hill that begins when this one ends I'll have to go up before I can go down. That's for tomorrow though so for today, I'll just enjoy and revel in the peace and calm.

Speaking of the HELL JOB, the employer is "appealing" my claim for unemployment. In 35 years in the business world I never experienced anything like I experienced working for those people. The lack of professionalism, organization, systems...everything was lacking there and the people were a piece of work. Husband yelling at the wife right in front of me, wife calling the former employee a bitch and others worse. She wrote in the appeal that I was "difficult to work with" and I had a good laugh over that statement. I was difficult to work with because I asked if I were to be compensated for using my personal vehicle for their business. She almost got apoplexic over that request. I was difficult because I asked they follow the procedures put in place to help the organization's record keeping. I worked harder at that job than any other job I've ever had and it's because EVERYTHING was in such a mess when I got there. I went in early, stayed late, put up with their dog and their kids and their bad tempers and dog hair and dust everywhere and she says I was difficult to work with. I just wonder what rock they crawled out from under and how do you run a business and be so clueless? I felt some compassion and sympathy for them because they were in over their heads, had no money, had a lot of debt and had no idea what they were doing on the business/book end and were the most reactive business people I'd ever met and every day was a CRISIS. There was no planning and no forethought. I think they must have ridden the coattails of another to get to the financial position they were in previously and when the housing market tanked so did their fortunes which brought them to their knees and that's when I came in. Now, I've got to defend myself to the GDOL and have talk to an "appeals tribunal" (sounds scary) and the bottom line is that the woman from the HELL JOB is trying to screw me and I'm not going to allow it. She WILL be sorry and if she thought I was difficult when I was working then, she'll know what difficult really is when this is all said and done.

Whew...what a rant. Felt good to get that out! Have you ever had a HELL JOB? I guess I was lucky in that it was my first and it came at the end of my career. What a way to go out!

I didn't do anything this week with regards to starting back to school and that's my next hill. Once I get through the fast I'll make that my next priority. I'm still sending resumes but nothing much is out there.

Time to walk Wiz. Hope you have had a wonderful day for your OWN self!

Namaste

TMI...

Too much information! I deleted my Facebook and MySpace accounts this morning. I guess I have my son to thank for that, too. He helped me inadvertently, to make that decision.

Those sites are called "networking" sites and as soon as possible after becoming aware of them, I signed on and put my "life" out there for anyone and everyone to see. So proud of me. Well, it was a phase and I'm moving on from there and trying to get BACK to good old verbal (or written) communication. I don't need to know where my cousin is today or what someone had for dinner, their latest trip, their problems sleeping and on and on and on. TMI. When I see a picture of someone I love and respect looking frazzled and shooting a bird or another with a lovely, buxom lady draped around his married ass then it's time for me to go...TMI. None of MY business!

I think it's time to realize I'm too old for the bullshit and the drama. I'm tired of getting people hating Obama or loving Obama or the health care reform (which is NEEDED) or invitations to join a Mafia or get a heart for the day and on and on and on. So much wasted time. So much wasted energy.

Yet here I sit blogging about my LIFE...well, here it is. Take it or leave it. If you don't care and don't want to read it, then don't. We all have choices to make and this morning, I am choosing to respect and love my very own self. Yep, that's what this is today. I'm loving and respecting and caring enough about Sabra to take two steps back and reassess what is really important in my life. I know that Facebook, Myspace and all the inane chatter thereon is no longer in my best interest. I have more productive things to do with my time.

I have three children and one is a mystery to me and it hurts my heart but it also helps me to grow. I think it is only natural to want to be loved and respected, especially by one's children. When I allow an ex-significant other to disrespect me, especially IN FRONT of my children, then how can I expect my children to respect me. So I'm fixing that right now, today and it won't happen again because I won't let it.

I find myself, as I'm aging, pulling more and more into my own self. Yes, I'm very comfortable here and I like myself just fine and my life is happy and content. I think I'm becoming a bit of a recluse and I guess that's okay, too. I have a rich life, filled with many good things. People, and not all people, but some people, continue to shock me with their actions. Reading certain blogs or comments about stories can almost make me fearful because there is so much anger and suffering and downright HATE spewed on the internet. Why is that? I just don't understand why we can't just live and let live. I really don't.

Well, I'm wondering but not wandering this morning and just wanted to get this out for what it's worth. Have you ever felt this way, too or is it just me?

So now, I'm moving on in to my day of being productive around my house. I'm cleaning and then I'm going to do something creative because that's what makes me happy and being happy is what we all want, isn't it?

So to anyone reading this who is on Facebook and/or MySpace...call me if you want to talk to me...or don't. I'm here but I bow out of those sites and the drama surrounding them, in an effort to allow more peace, understanding and joy into my life.

Wishing you a happy day without TMI!

Namaste

Painting Today - Dream Series

Doors are a symbol of transition. There is a lot of symbolism here. Enjoy!

This is my Dream Series...all have doors. Do I have the courage to enter therein?

Henry David Thoreau

I was reading in "Walking" by Henry David Thoreau this morning. On page 18, from his poem, "The Old Marlborough Road" he's talking about taking a walk in a place not frequented by many and he says:

"Not many there be
Who enter therein
Only the guest of the
Irishman Quin.
What is it, what is it,
But a direction out there,
And the bare possibility
Of going somewhere?"

He goes on to say "What is it that makes it so hard sometimes to determine whither we will walk? I believe that there is a subtile magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright. It is not indifferent to us which way we walk. There is a right way; but we are very liable from heedlessness and stupidity to take the wrong one. We would fain take that walk, never yet taken by us through this actual world, which is perfectly symbolical of the path which we love to travel in the interior and ideal world; and sometimes, no doubt, we find it difficult to choose our direction, because it does not yet exist distinctly in our idea."

Oh, I do love Henry David Thoreau because he ponders and questions and loves Nature so much. I can't count the number of times I've felt the same about the bare possibility of going somewhere, somewhere new, someplace I've never seen before because I have a wandering spirit.

The next paragraph is about intuition, which we all have but not all of us "tune in." How many times have I taken the wrong path because I was being heedless or stupid. I didn't stop to think, I just did even when my heart or my spirit was telling me, don't do it. It is sometimes difficult to know which direction to take because of the unknowns. Of course, I'm not taking about literal travel but the interior and ideal world of our inner selves.

I wanted to share that bit of Henry with you this morning and maybe it will lead you to do some wondering, pondering...and maybe some wandering, of your own!

As I write, there are three Cardinals on my back deck eating the bits of nuts that the squirrels threw down. When I looked out this morning, I sighed because there is it again! Nuts everywhere! But, it's good thing because now it's providing some nourishment for the birds. Later in the day, I'll sweep it up again.

Wishing you a joyful day. Remember to EXPECT A MIRACLE!

Namaste!

I can't believe it...

I wrote my blog and was about to post and somehow ended up closing out and losing it all because I didn't save it. It was a good one, too! So does that mean that I wasn't meant to share that information or that I am supposed to write about something else? Hmmmm...such things to ponder! I see signs in everything and feel there is meaning in everything that happens. Then I remember that the only meaning is the one I assign to it!

The whole and half-eaten pecans are hitting my back deck with such frequency this morning it sounds like drum beats before the band kicks in. I imagine there's a large group of squirrels sitting up on the branches, munching to their hearts content and then tossing the remainder onto the deck below. It does create some extra work for me to get out there and clean up behind them but I wouldn't trade the squirrels and the mess for the tree because I love that tree. It's an old tree and has been around since before I was born (so it really must be a very old tree). It provides shade for the house in the hot summer and helps keep my house cool. The green leaves soothe my soul and I enjoy looking at it and breathing the oxygen it gives to me. Soon, the leaves will fall and I'll have another mess to clean off the back deck. I imagine the tree is giving me it's gift before it goes to sleep for the winter and I accept that gift, sweep up the leaves and put them out back to compost for next year, as I do all the nuts I sweep up off the porch. Sometimes I feel annoyed at the extra work created and then I make myself remember these are nature's gifts to me. It's all a matter of perception, much like life is a matter of perception. The only meaning is the one I assign it!

I'm reading Richard Bach's "Running From Safety" and I am remembering what I had forgotten and what he remembered a long time before a lot of us. He's talking to a 12-year-old version of himself, trying to give him the secrets to "life" so that he's one step ahead of the game. What he's really doing is figuring out what he already knows and what we all know although we don't know we know it until that moment of understanding when we say "oh! I get it now!" Reading the book has helped me "know" and understand what I said before, the only meaning is the one I assign it and that applies to EVERYTHING in life. It's personal and it's SELFish.

Being SELFish is a learned skill. I don't mean selfish as in greedy or not considerate of others but I mean taking care of the self, loving the self, acknowledging the beauty of the SELF and loving the SELF. (Oh my gosh, a beautiful red cardinal is sitting right outside my window looking in at me. He's perched on the back of my slider and is only 2 feet from my face. How exciting and how absolutely beautiful to me. Well will you look at that...he's picking at one of the half eaten pecans. Who knew Cardinals liked pecans, too. Another reason to love that tree!)

I look to nature to understand life and what I know this morning is that life can be "messy" if we choose to see it that way or it can be abundant, nourishing, and with a little work (like sweeping the deck and composting for another day) greatly rewarding. So, what is the meaning of LIFE? The only meaning is the one I assign it.

Right now, I assign myself to get out there and sweep up all those gifts, move in to my day and accomplish as much as I can from the list I made for myself this morning. It's my "road map" of the day.

Today, I EXPECT A MIRACLE and I guess the Cardinal was one of many that will come my way today. Thank you God for the gift of seeing that beautiful little creature so close to my face (most things have to be close to my face for me to see them these days...the eyes are getting weary and thank you GOD for the person who created eyewear!). Wishing you a day filled with miracles, joy, peace, and everything that makes you happy.

Namaste!

A beautiful new day dawns...

NOTE: This is the blog I thought I'd lost but it was automatically saved in my drafts folder so I'm going to go ahead and post this although some of the information in the next post will be redundant.

Fall is definitely in the air this morning and it brings to mind the football games of my youth when I was in high school. Wearing a football player's jacket was a sign of being someone "special" or I thought when I was in high school. I wore my number 68's jacket with pride and when he'd make a play and they'd call out his name over the loudspeaker I felt as if I'd done something special. It was all just a feeling and an illusion because I wasn't really any more special than anyone else in the crowd. It was merely a perception. Was it wearing the jacket that made me special? Was it that my boyfriend was a football player that made me special? Being "popular" in high school was so important and going with a football player lumped me into that crowd. I didn't realize then that I was special just because I am me and now, being older and wiser, I understand that is an illusion, too. It's not the external that makes us who we are but what's inside. I've learned to love myself for me and I like myself which is something it has taken many years for me to learn. High school is a place of learning and it's more than what's in the books. It's a time to learn how to "come into one's own self." I wasn't smart enough to know that then and when my boyfriend and I broke up, I felt as if I were nothing. Again, an illusion and an misperception. I thought I needed him to define me. If I have taught my children anything, I hope it is that they have a realization that they are perfect just as they are because they are kind, considerate, caring and loving human beings. I think we've made some progress since I was in high school and it's one place I would NOT want to go back and do over.

I was reading "Running From Safety" by Richard Bach yesterday. I've been reading it for about five years. It is so insightful and touches my soul in a way that I have to read a bit, digest it and then get back to it. He had some things figured out before I even knew there were things to figure out and I love his writing and his views on life. This book is especially poignant because he's talking to a 12-year-old version of himself trying to teach the kid about what he's learned in his life and help him to see what it took Richard Bach a lifetime to learn. His writing touches me and I want to hug him as I read because I can intuit the pain he went through to get to the place he is today. It's the lessons in life that we all have to learn and many are painful...until we GET IT!

As I write the pecans are hitting my deck with such abundance and speed I am sure there's a group of squirrels sitting up there having their morning breakfast. I swept the deck last night and already there are hulls and bits of pieces covering it again. I love that pecan tree and it offers great shade and helps keep my house cool in the heat of the summer. It's beautiful to look at because it's lush and a beautiful shade of green. Then there are the nuts on the deck that make such a mess and in a month or so, I will have a hard time keeping up with the leaves that will fall. In the Spring comes the little yellow things that fall in such abundance and let me know the pecans will be profuse this year. Nature, like life, has it's yin/yang, the good and the bad and we can learn a lot from nature. I am hoping someday to put a roof over the back deck...

MY NEXT POST MIRRORS THIS ONE IN SOME WAYS...BUT I HOPE BY NOW YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH MY PECAN TREE, TOO!

To paint, or not to paint! That is the question.

My clock said 9:42am when I woke this morning and my first thought was "I love my life!" I made coffee and sat down at the computer and the clock on the computer said 8:02am as did the clock on the stove. I guess I inadvertently pressed the "hour and minutes" button when I hit "snooze" on Monday morning (because I spent the night with my sister on Monday night when they refinsihed my floors). So, my next thought was "I love my life!" because now I have an "extra" hour and 40 minutes in my day. It's all subjective, isn't it? Either way, I love my life and that's a good thing!

They finished the floors and moved the big furniture back into the living room and I worked on it a little last night and I have fallen in love with my little home again. The floors look awesome and add a warmth and richness to the room and I am so happy just sitting in the room, relaxing and enjoying the peaceful ambiance. Now, it's time to bring back order from chaos AND I get to look at all my books again as I put them back into the bookcases. I'm sure this project will take until Friday to complete because I know how I am when I reorganize. I'll put some beautiful music on and enjoy the process of reorganization and the peace of the day.

Today is the "Painting Group" meeting at Anita's ArtsCool and she sent an e-mail asking if I was coming. I think I will wait until next week to go again because I want to stay in and work on the house. To paint or not to paint? I can't paint when everything is disorganized (even someplace else) so I'll get my house together and next week I will start painting with ladies group again.

I have a party on Sunday (Monday is a holiday) and on Monday I'm going to start the fast again and get back to my exercise routine. I find I am finally shedding all of the negativity I'd absorbed during my short 60-day stint at the job from hell. I was NOT loving my life at that time although it was something I knew I had to do and I'm glad the Universe provided that opportunity to grow because I certainly learned a very valuable lesson. The owners were nice people but the company was already at it's bottom and there was so much stress because they had not only already lost a lot but had more to lose and their downward spiral was like a vortex and I was being caught up in it and felt I were drowning as surely as they were. It was not entirely of their own making but greed got them where they were and I wanted out and when the Universe provided that option I was overjoyed to no longer have to be a partipant in their opportunity to reassess their lives. I felt their anger at loss was being directed or projected is more apt, onto me. I was happy to get out of Dodge!

Now, it's upward and onward again to creating the life I want to live and today, I am loving that life. It is a gorgeous morning outside, the sun is shining brightly through the trees and I have the day to my self. I have also been given an opportunity to make a difference in a child's life and I am happy to be a positive force for a bright, happy, growing child. She's my niece and she is in the third grade and comes home from school at 3:30pm to my house. I help her with her homework and we read together and I am enjoying her energy. My sister and I have reconnected as a result so it's all good.

I'm going to call the Director of Financial Aid at University of Georgia again today and hope I can actually talk to a person. I tried on Monday and after 3 times of 20 rings and no answer, I gave up for the day. If it's meant to happen, it will. I'll do my part and we'll where it goes. I'd love to get my degree in Journalism from UGA.

Two cups of coffee down and time to move into my day (the nuts are still falling onto my deck and today I need to go out and sweep them off!). It IS a great day to be alive in America and everything in MY WORLD is absolutely wonderful. Hoping the same for you (don't read the news!).

Namaste!

Here it comes...

I smelled Fall in the air this morning as I stepped out onto the porch. Time for leaves to fall and the weeds to die off, at last. With all the rain this year, keeping up with those weeds has proved to be a losing battle. I give up, you win. Next year, I WILL spray weed and feed at the first sign of Spring.



I spent the night at my sister's last night because they were finishing up re-doing the wood floors at my house. I'm excited to move back in and have my space reorganized and it will feel like a new home to me.



I made the mistake of looking at the news this morning. More of the same, economy sucks, GOP and Democrats squabbling, people doing mean and hateful (and deadly) things to other people, LA is on fire (again) and I'm sure it's flooding somewhere and another hurricane headed to Mexico. Same-o, same-o. Nothing I can do about it but shake my head.



I had an opportunity to watch TV yesterday (she has cable...I don't) and watched a great show on National Geographic channel about some new finds in Egypt that put writing being developed there long before it was developed in Mespotamia. It was an interesting program and worth the time to sit and watch. I woke up to Sponge Bob Squaredpants and my sister telling her daughter what she needs to do after school today. Glad it's her time and mine is done! It takes a lot of energy to raise a child and the most I do now is have to walk my Wiz a couple of times a day. Much easier now.



9:44am and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas. I had to catch up on the news of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (I need to get a life). I tried to call the Director of Financial Aid at UGA yesterday and let it ring over 60 times. Either they weren't in or they weren't taking calls and NO VOICE MAIL. What is the world of academia coming to these days? I'll try again later today.



Sending out a few resumes and trying to make more constructive use of my day. Surfing around on "SeniorsMeetPeople.com" and that's interesting. I've perused hundreds of seniors but they all look so old. LOL! I have to remind myself that I, too, am "old." I don't feel old but when I look in the mirror, I sometimes wonder who is that old woman looking back at me. Age just catches up to us sooner or later. In my heart and soul I'm still young, though! Just wiser. I like the phrase that "age is just a number." It's not completely true but I like it just the same.



Haven't been painting much but I've a couple of paintings rolling around in my mind and once I get my house back together, I hope to do some painting later in the week. One is really trying to break lose and it's a gift for my daughter and her husband. Canvas is sitting there calling to me and I hope to touch it soon and let it flow.



Time to get dressed, step away from the computer and do something productive with my gift of this day. I love my life.

Another day...

I'm in the middle or removing everything from my living room so the floors can be refinished tomorrow. Taking all my books and "stuff" and putting them in another room is a tedious process so I thought I'd stop a minute and write since I haven't blogged in a while.



I have a house full of "stuff" but the most important things in it are (1)my photographs, (2)my books, (3)my journals and files and my Wizzie. Other than that, the rest could go away and I would hardly care. Sometimes I wish I could sell everything (or give it away), put the aforementioned items in storage and get into my car and hit the road.



Where would I go? I know my car would automatically head west because that's where my soul yearns to be and even more specifically, in the Bay area. What would I do once I got there? Good question. Sometimes the "trip" is more exciting than the "getting there" because it's all about anticipation. A long walk on the beach would be first up for me and feeling the course sand under my feet, the fog and wind on my face and the roar of the ocean ringing in my ears. When I am at the beach, I am more aware of being one with God and one with all. Perhaps that is what I most long for and the beach is where I most feel it. Some feel it more in the mountains or the desert but for me, it will always be the beach.



I'm contemplating a return to school. It's been a life long dream to "finish up." It's one of those things that's "hanging out there" unfinished in this lifetime and I am feeling a strong urge to complete it and have more tools for writing and more knowledge and confidence to write. I've been writing most of my life and keeping journals and reading, reading, reading and I've several books in the works that are also "hanging out there." I'd like to leave something of value that will make my children and grandchildren proud of me but mostly, I'd like to do it for myself.



In moving some of my books to another room, Wayne Dyer's "Real Magic" fell onto the floor. Ah, a sign, I think. It's about "Creating Miracles in Everyday Life." Finishing school is a miracle I think I could create. It would be a miracle, too, for more reasons than one. Ah, but that's a story for another day and I have only a few more moments to write.



As I sit here at 12:20pm on Sunday, from my window I can see a sky filled with dark clouds and I know the rain is ready to fall. On my back deck are half eaten pecans that fall from the pecan tree over my deck as the squirrels munch and toss the bits of shells onto my porch. I've become accustomed now to the sound of falling pecans and in the front yard is a black walnut tree that drops golf ball sized nuts onto my roof. When I first moved into this house I was awakened from a dead sleep more than once because of those noises, afraid someone was trying to come in to my house. Now, I pay the noises no mind and in a month or so I'll go out with a basket and pick up the walnuts from the yard and sweep the pecans from my deck. Nuts outside and a big nut inside! :-)



My "job from Hell" ended almost 60 days from it's beginning. I have never had a more stressful job but I left feeling I had accomplished something most wouldn't have been able to do under the circumstances of which I was working. I left feeling compassion for the owners, no regret and great joy at being set free. Now, I'm back on unemployment (although that's not been totally approved yet but I've applied) and I'm trying to figure out how to get back in to school.



I've been looking around on a "Seniors" dating website and why I reached out I don't know. I guess it's my annual "I want someone in my life" moment but I know it will be a fleeting moment and I'll have a little fun with it and then leave as quickly as I went in because I have no time or room for another in my life. It's just fun to think about sometimes. I think I'm just meant to fly solo for the rest of my life and I'm cool with that because my "Big 2" didn't turn out very well so maybe that's just not my path. I love being alone (with my Wizzie) and prefer the "anticipation" of finding "someone" rather than actually finding them. I guess that's why I don't find them. I can't even imagine being with someone and until you can imagine it, how can it happen?



Here comes the rain and it's time for me to get back to moving my "stuff" from the living room. Hope your day is wonderful. I'm loving life today for no reason other than I'm breathing! :-)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

My new job is stimulating and exciting and I'm still trying to get organized and learn what I'm supposed to be accomplishing. My greatest challenge right now is structuring my time so that I can accomplish all that I want to accomplish in my day, including "MY" time for the things that are important to me (like my blog, e-mail, journalling, working on the books I'm writing, staying in touch with family and friends and taking good care of my Wiz-man!). I don't have it down yet but I'm getting better. As it is, I have 3 more minutes to write and then I have to jump in the shower, walk Wiz and hit to door running. That's the way I like to hit the door...RUNNING. I'm learning to become more consistent and I have to write down my daily goals just to help me remember all that I need and want to do although I haven't yet reached a point where I get to tick off everything (I mean, that takes TIME, too).

Time is a concept but it's also a gift to each of us and something I just never seem to have enough of so I stop, take a few deep breaths, get into the MOMENT (instead of the moments that are to come), remember to smile and feel the air enter and leave my body and just give THANKS for the many, many blessings in my life and for the health and energy to do what I want and need to do. How do YOU structure your day to "maximize" it's potential? I'm always interested in knowing a better way and always looking for the better way. Even though time and minutes may be just a concept...I want to make the most of every SECOND of every DAY so that when it's all said and done...well, let's not talk about all said and done and let's just stay in this MOMENT...SEE, I AM LEARNING AS I GO!

So, to that end, carpe diem! It IS a great day to be alive in America and I am expecting a miracle (actually, more than one) today. I've already had a couple so I'm ahead of the game (is it a game?)...just a figure of speech but perhaps like a game...it's what we make of it!

Loving you all...

Namaste! (and now I AM off and running...and LOVING it!)

Sunday, June 21, 2009 - HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

Remembering five wonderful fathers in my life this day! My own Dad, my ex-husband, my son and my two son-in-laws! God bless them!

Well, it's been a pretty exciting couple of weeks for me and I've been so busy I haven't had the time to sit down and blog and I've missed it! I am still an Artist in transition but the total transition will have to wait a few more years but in the mean time, I'll paint whenever I can and make my cards, angels and motivational moments as time permits but I have a new focus to take up a very large percentage of my time and I intend to give it my best effort.

After 7 months of unemployment I am "gainfully" employed once again and excited to be working full time again. I'm excited because this is, hopefully, my LAST project and I am delighted to be working with good people and I hope I will be a good influence and a good employee. I'll do my best, that's for sure.

Working will enable me to get a little more financially secure so that I can get the things I will need when I do art full time, which is retirement which is about 5-1/2 years from now. My goal now is to be able to save enough to do my rafting trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon next year. There are adventures ahead for me and helping these good people attain their goals and vision will allow me to do the same for my own self. I feel like God had put me where I am and I am grateful for his goodness!

I'm still in the midst of my "Artist's Way" workshops and a lot of good is coming from the weekly meetings. I'm glad I've still got this going on for another 9 weeks because it will help me to keep myself focused on my art as well as my livlihood. What I have found is that I need to be more organized to accomplish all that I want to accomplish in a day.

I was called Thursday a week ago to come in for an interview, which I did. She called and I showed up! I didn't hear anything on Friday but on Monday, they called me back for another interview and before I left, they offered me the position and I was to start the NEXT MORNING! I didn't even have time to get my head wrapped around it before I dove in. Such is the way of my life. I didn't even think twice, I just say yes and then I praised God all the way home for bringing us together.

It was a bit of a crazy week for me and next week will be even crazier because I'm IT and the girl who I am replacing left on Friday so I've got to start getting things figured out for my own self next week. I will and I'm looking forward to the challenge.

There is no such thing as job security any more so I don't know if this job will last a week, a month, a year or the whole 5-1/2 years but I will take it one day at a time and do my best each day and if it goes the full 5-1/2 years, wonderful and if it doesn't then I know something else will come along but I will do everything within my power to help them be successful. I've worked for two "Entrepreneurs of the Year" and I've got a gut feeling that the man I'm working for now has that same potential. He's very smart and he has a vision AND he seems to be a good family man and that's important to me, too. My family is the most important part of my life so I enjoy working for someone who feels the same way.

I missed painting with my group of artists last week but I am not regretting no longer being able to paint with them. I am, instead, feeling very grateful for the time I had with them and will perhaps see them in the future in some other way. I want to stay in touch with my painting friends, for sure.

Things are pretty good in my life right now. I finally put the "RBJ" "thing" (I don't even know what to call it) to bed...that relationship is now buried and I have a big wreath on the mound that says "Thank you for my lessons learned." Am I looking for another relationship? Nahhh...not yet. I've so much to do right now and there's barely enough time to get through my day and I don't know where I'd fit a relationship in to my schedule. I'm fine without it. I know some people who can't seem to survive without having someone in their life in that capacity. Fortunately for me, I'm not one of those people. I do pretty well on my own and whenever I get lonely, I just grab my grandkids and go have some fun.

Saturday I picked up my 3 Alvarez angels and took them to see the new Ben Stiller movie, "Night at the Museum - Smithsonian" and we had a good time and some good laughs. We ended the evening at Dairy Queen and they walked out with "blizzards" and long spoons! I filled them with candy, popcorn, soda pop, hot dog, popcorn shrimp, french fries and ice cream! I'm a good MIMI! I don't go it often so what the heck. A little sugar never killed anyone, did it? I enjoyed listening to them laugh at the movie and my granddaughter's laugh makes me want to giggle myself! She's such a joy to me!

Well, much still to do but I did want to pop in and say hello and bring you up to date on what's going on with me. Every day, I expect a miracle and I'm never disappointed! Everymore I wake up and thank God for one more day!

I'm so grateful the drought is over and I'm watering as I write (sprinkler) because it was so hot today! This has been a wonderful (and long) Spring and the gardens have been a joy. I still have lots of lilies blooming and now the Glads have started blooming and I have some pink and red ones in a vase in the house. God is good.

It IS a great day to be alive in America! Look for, expect, your miracles, too...I'm sure there are many in store for you!

Sending love and light to all of my wonderful friends. I love you all so much!

Namaste!


This picture was taken on June 11th when I went to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens with my dear friend, Sam. We had a blast and I love this found and this is one of the remaining Dale Chihuley's that remains at the Garden. I LOVE IT! It was a wonderful day and I felt blessed to be able to celebrate the birthday of a special friend in such a wonderful way!

Synchronicity?

Wednesday - 06/10/09 - 9:15am - It is truly a wonderful day and I'm filled with so much energy the air is popping around me. I don't have much time to write this morning because I've got to drop Wiz off at the groomer's at 9:45am and then get to my painting group by 10:00am. It's a tight schedule but it WILL work! I'm so happy to be able to get Wiz in to the groomer's today. I haven't been able to have him groomed as regularly as I would like since the "end of the job" but my brother's paying for this one so I'm sending much gratitude out into the Universe for my precious, generous, kind and so sweet brother, Jack! I love you, Bro! (Just like to say that...tee hee!)

When we started our journey on the "Artists Way" three weeks ago, we were alerted to be aware of synchonicity or events that occur "seemingly out of the blue" but really have relevance and inter-relatedness. This morning, synchronicity and the abundance of it are high on my "I see" list!

Yesterday, I was going through the books at Goodwill and there was "The Way of the Wizard" by Deepak Chopra. I had purchased the tapes years ago (1995-1996) but when I picked up the book yesterday, I was ready to REALLY hear what he had to say. The Way of the Wizard is "Twenty Spiritual Lessons in Creating the Life You Want." Hmmmmm.... The work we are doing at our Artist's Way workshops is about "creating...the life we want...through our "spiritual journey" to creativity and realizing that we each have the power WITHIN us that we need to complete our journey. The Way of the Wizard is about finding that wizard WITHIN us that we need to complete our journey. And not just complete the journey but completing it IN THE WAY WE WANT. It's our choice. It's all within us. The answers are all there. Synchronicity?

The Law of Attraction, Science of Mind, the "Secret" (not really such a secret!)...it's all about changing your thinking, changing your life. How do we change our thinking? Conscious thought? Oh...synchronicity in action in my life!

My affirmations for today are that I follow my heart and I'm open and ready to go where it may lead me. I find the strength I need at my center. My life is IN ORDER and I am ready for my new beginning." WOW. And so it is.

Seems we ALL have everything we need WITHIN. It's when we take the time to BE STILL we can connect with the Universal Spirit, the Oneness, GOD, Goddess, our Higher Self, Higher Power, whatever words you want to use the message is the same.

Is this an epiphany? No! Is it something that I didn't already know? No! Is it something I've been using consciously? No! I am making that conscious choice to live with awareness and I am expecting miracles in my life EVERY DAY...and it's working. Change your mind, change your life. I've heard it and heard it and heard it and I think I am FINALLY getting it. Yes, I am FINALLY getting it!

I hope you GET IT today, too. Those of us who are pseudo-hippies from the "old days" knew all this "back then" and we just got caught up in "the world." More on that tomorrow. It's still all about LOVE...the holy grail...

Time to run but this is getting interesting. Hang in there with me and we'll transition together! Have a beautiful day and NAMASTE!

Back at it...and feeling WONDERFUL!

Sometimes, we just need to "feel" what we need to feel and I have to admit I went through a time of "feeling" but I am the better for it. I worked through all the "stuff" around RBJ and I think I've got it figures out. At least enough that I am feeling good again and back to painting, sketching, studying, gardening, and HAVING FUN! Every day is a gift and I unwrap it slowly and savor it, starting my morning with my spiritual work.

I'm facilitating an "Artist's Way" workshop at in my studio and we are on Week 2 in the book although we're meeting for the 3rd time. The first week was about how the workshop would run, what's expected, and a basic introduction to the plan. The second week, we covered the first chapter in the book "Recovering a Sense of Safety" and did a fun exercise together. This week, we'll cover "Recovering a Sense of Identity." I am excited about the next 10 weeks and my journey with these wonderful ladies who have joined me in this voyage inwards to discover, recover and explore our creative selves from a place of spirituality and trust. "As you teach, so you will learn" rolls around in my mind and I am learning so much, not only about my fellow travelers but about my own self. I'm liking my own, too.

I think the month I took off was about learning to love my own self again. I let myself go into "victim" mode. I needed to experience that and then, one day, it was like waking up from a dream. Maybe delving back in to the Course in Miracles shook my soul enough for me to see that I was choosing to play the victim role. It was a choice and I was choosing to be miserable. So, I wallowed in it for a while. I wallowed in self-pity and self-abuse long enough to KNOW that I was making the wrong choices for the way I want to live my life. I forgave myself. I forgave RBJ. I forgave everyone who I perceived had ever "hurt" me because I really don't think anyone I have or have had in my life sat down and thought..."hmmmmm, what can I do to really f-up Sabra?" Nope, I don't believe that was the case but I was just wallowing around in the deep hole I'd fallen in to and bathing in the self-pity, martydom until I looked up and saw the sunlight at the top of the hole and noticed the rope and I pulled myself up out of the mire. I like the sunlight much better than the scary hole but as I climbed the rope out of the hole, I got stronger with each movement to get up the rope. I got stronger and stronger and it became clearer and brighter and when I got to the top of the hole, I looked down and gave thanks for my time there because I was sure a better person as a result of having been there. I make the conscious choice to be all that God wants me to be and to enjoy every single moment, to the best of my ability, for the rest of my life.

I've been on the South Beach diet for about a month and my clothes are starting to be more comfortable. I want to be physically healthy so I can enjoy all the opportunities available to me. I want to ride my bike and feel the freedom of movement and the wind in my hair and the sun on my head. I want to walk, swing my arms and feel the fresh air entering my lungs as I breathe deeply. I want to find love again. Yes, this was a biggie for me but I do want to have someone to share my life with and I know, when the time is perfect, he will appear in my life. I'm not looking but I just know it will happen. I know everything I DON'T want in a companion so that must mean I know what I DO want...I want someone who will read poetry to me, bring me flowers and do thoughtful things for me just to see me smile. In return, I'll go to baseball games and do the same thoughtful things for him. I want someone independent who doesn't NEED me but wants to be with me just because I'm fun to be around. So, to make that happen, I NEED to be fun to be around and the Sabra that was in that hole was NOT fun to be around and that's why I "went away" for a while. I needed to get things sorted out.

That having been said, I am also aware that perhaps a companion is not a part of my destiny and I have things that I am meant to accomplish. So, that could be a possibility and if it is becomes a reality, I'm okay with that, too because I won't live my life "waiting." I will LIVE my life, every day, in the way I want to live it. I will do what I want to do and be who I want to be and I can do it with or without someone at my side.

I found a handwritten note in one of my books that RBJ has written when we first got back together. It had a list of things "we" wanted. A home, a garden, a picket fence, etc. Guess what...I brought every single thing on the list into my reality. I did it and I have all of the things "we" wanted. I made it happen and I guess I pushed him out of my, too because his words didn't match his actions. In many scenarios, his actions didn't match his words and I finally realized it. It was an epiphany and something I had resisted for too many years. I didn't want to believe that he was NOT who I thought he was and finally, I did. I believe it. That's when I started seeing the light. I first had to forgive my own self for seeing only what I wanted to see instead of seeing the whole, true picture. It doesn't mean he's a bad person, at all. In fact, he's a very good person. He's just not the right person for ME and I accept that now and I believe it and I am ready, at last (after over 40 years) to move beyond trying to hold on to something that was never there.

You'd think I'd have gotten to that place many, many years ago. I would never have dreamed that I wouldn't have it all "figured" out by this age. But "this age" is just more of any other day that came before. I'm still a newborn, but more. I'm still a toddler, but more. I'm still a teenager, but more. I'm still 30, but more. We're still EVERYTHING we ever were, but MORE and yet sometimes, we get stuck in a place and time

Going on a journey until June 5th...see you then!

Okay, I'm going offline for 30 days. No INTERNET for 30 days. No blog. No e-mail. It is a challenge I have set for my own self and one that is needed. I need to be successful in this (better than I was with the fast, I hope and pray).

I'm in such a wierd place right now, I don't feel like I can be of any help to anyone until I can help myself. So, I'm shutting down, going within and looking for the strength and resources needed to find my ...I don't even know what it is I'm looking for so I don't know how to finish that sentence. I guess I'm looking for some peace of mind, peace of spirit and a healing not only for my body but moreso for my soul. I'm looking for some hope. I am sick. I can't get my breath. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and loaded up on sterioids to knock out the inflamation and other drugs to help but I know that my physical illness is a direct result of the sickness within my soul, my spirit. I am gasping for breath in more ways than one and feel as if I'm sinking fast.

So, that's why I'm shutting down. I accept responsibility for my own happiness. I accept responsibility for my own self. If I am feeling as I am feeling and I believe that I create my own reality, then I need to do some very serious soul seaching and focus on within which is where my answers lie. I am almost 60 years old (okay, closer to 59 but what the heck at this point) and I am still feeling the pain of an 18-year-old that I just never got beyond and it keeps coming back to me, over and over again, so that I can move on but instead of moving on, it just puts me in a tailspin and it's like having to start ALL OVER again. Just when I think I'm good to go...there it is...in my face again and I'm right back to square one. It's like playing the game "Sorry" and I'm always getting bumped back to home. I don't have too many more years to get bumped back so I need to get this figured out pretty quickly now.

So, the question is...am I feeling this way because I am sick or am I sick because I am feeling this way? Perhaps a little of both. Normally, I am a positive, upbeat person that you just can't keep down but I'm in a dark space right now and I know that I am the only one to pull myself out of it. So, I can't get online every day and write joyful things and send out positive, happy e-mails when that's not what I am feeling and it makes it me feel like I am living a lie. So I have to shut down and get my head together. It's difficult even being honest about this because it feels as if I failed in some way to accomplish something I was supposed to accomplish. I haven't gotten IT yet, but I'm trying.

I'll be back on June 5th and I will be in a much better place than I am this day, I AM SURE. I still have faith and "Faith is the little bird that feels the sun and sings though the dawn be dark." So, it's dawn and it's dark for me right now. But I know the sun rises shortly. Just give me 30 days and I will back to being myself and I guess I will always be...an artist in transition.

Happy month to you and we'll talk again on June 5th. I promise. I'm off on a journey...an adventure...into a deep, deep forest wherein sits a wise woman and a wise man...who are there to show me the way back to the light...they're waiting...and I'm packing up and going in...

I'll tell you about my journey on June 5th...

A new day...

and I had lots to do but the day didn't go quite as planned.

Today is the day my painting group meets but before I could get out of here, my sister called and asked me to look for her dog. She had him outside on his lease and he got away from her. She was worried about him getting caught up in a fence or entangled because of his leash. Well it was a good thing she called me. I grabbed my dog for a walk and starting walking the neighborhood and calling for Joey (Mechelle's dog). I walked over to the next street and down to where it ends in some woods, all the while calling for Joey. When I got to the end of the street, I heard a whimpering off in the woods so I decided to investigate. There he was! Poor thing stuck and his leash was all tangled up in some vines and he couldn't move more than about six inches. I felt so sorry for him. So, I extricated him and he was so happy. I walked both dogs home and let Wiz stay on my deck while I took Joey in to his house. He drank almost a whole bowl of water as it was already hot by 10:00am this morning. He went right into his kennel and settled down. I think he was worn out from his little adventure. I felt like Wonder Woman because I'd saved the poor guys life!

I never made it to my painting class but I did h and paint some book marks and get off my registration for the 3rd Annual Historic Buford Arts and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I completed the Chakra cards that go with the Chakra stones I'm going to sell so the book marks are done and the Chakra bags and cards are done. Now, I need to work on making some more cards and a couple of Angel creations. I already have some paintings I'm going to take but I need to put hangers on them and then they're ready. I've got my table and set up and need to find a canopy/tent to borrow because it will either be hot or rainy or both. Hopefully it's just hot because I'm hoping a lot of people come out for the festival.

Off to bed now. Hope you had a good day. I did.

Namaste

Sometimes so together...sometimes NOT!

I've always said the only thing consistent about my life is inconsistency and it one of the truest statements I've ever made. I do great for a stretch of time and then I fall down and stumble and have to pull myself back up again. I've been in a dip for about a month now and although so many good and wonderful things have happened and are still happening, I have had such a heavy heart and this morning, I finally let myself feel what I needed to feel, shed a few tears and hopefully, can move on now. At least for a while, until the next time it "hits" me and I go into a dip again.

I'll use first person as I write because, after all, I am writing about ME...but it may be exactly the same for you and you'll understand what I mean, or not. I guess the important part of it all is the pulling myself up and getting it together again. We just have to do it and keep doing it.

I met someone when I was 15 and that person has always been on the periphery of my life, if not actively then in my heart and in my mind and for some reason, in my soul. I have tried, in every way, to release him even to burning 40 years of letters and momentos that I had held on to and cherished. I thought once I'd done that it would be a release and I want a release. I do. I reallllly do. I felt like I'd made some good progress over the past year and then I found myself in a situation where I had to come face-to-face with him and it was killing me to know I was going to have to see him and to be near him and I hated that I felt like that because I didn't want to feel ANYTHING...I wanted it to be the same as if I were looking at a tree. I DON'T WANT to feel ANYTHING for him. He's been my greatest disappointment, as well as my greatest joy, in this life (well, aside from my children, of course).

When I saw him, I did not look him in the eye and I gave him the obligatory hug and held my walls up as high I could so he could not get to me. Inside, I was churning and whirling and spinning and totally out of control with my SELF and I hated it for me. I just don't understand why I feel this way. It is totally irrational. Over the course of a couple of hours (which is the amount of time we were in close proximity) I kept my distance. Then, it happened. He was right in front of me, joining in the conversation and I had to look at him. It was for only a second but in that one moment our eyes connected, for me, time stood still. As quickly as it happened, it passed and he left shortly thereafter and I drank four glasses of champagne quickly and then I left as quickly I could with good graces, went back to my room and went to sleep. I think I gave a good appearance to everyone and looked okay on the outside but inside, I was a total mess. Later that evening, I went to dinner with my kids from Denver and my ex-husband, who I love dearly, almost like a brother at this point. I think I acted completely normal and I felt okay by then because I'd "slept on it."

What I felt, when I allowed myself that brief moment to see into his eyes, was a SOUL connection. I know we have been together in other lives and I know that was not our destiny this time around. Yet my soul just suffers so. The last time we were together (as a couple...and there's been more than one time that was so in this life) was for six years. On a soul level, we totally connect but on this earthly, physical plane we can't seem to maintain a give and take and he acted in ways that were totally unacceptable to me and I acted in ways that were totally unacceptable to him and we were on two totally different levels of being and neither of us was willing, or able, to be anything but exactly who we ARE.

He's materialist, religious, a control freak, a neat freak and very concerned with "outward" appearances and what other people think and he's scared to death the devil is going to get him...all the things I am NOT. I don't need much to make me happy, I get messy and quite frankly don't give a shit what other people think of me as long as I am loving myself. I try not to judge others and I don't want to be judged by others either but if I am...it's THEIR stuff and not mine. I do what I do with a good heart. So, why, why, why, why, why...do I still yearn for this person to be in my life? It's just totally crazy and I do not like this about myself. In fact, I hate it and I just don't know what to do about it. I've gone to therapy, prayed and prayed and prayed for God to take away these feelings and let me be free of it. Most of the time, I am.

So, all of that having been said, I'm climbing back out of the pit today because I've wallowed and suffered over this enough. There is too much to be joyful about to be sad about this any longer and life goes on. I have a great life. I am alone as a woman and I can't see myself being with anyone else so I will end my days alone but that's okay. I guess it's my path this time around and I need to learn something, to grow from this experience. I have had such a good life, in so many ways...and it's not over yet, thankfully!

Well, the answer to my own question has just come to me. God ALWAYS gives us what we need but he doesn't ALWAYS give us what we want. Isn't that the truth. I'm a stronger person because of this experience and I have so much compassion for others who are feeling emotionally fragile, vulnerable, heartbroken, etc. I'm not unique and I think these are common emotions and experiences. What is significant for me, is that I can't seem to let it go, as much as I want to let it go. I live on and life is good, but there's that tender place in my heart that's like a wound that just will never heal. Perhaps that is part of my reason for being in this life? To know how this feels and to learn to live with it. Maybe that's a part of how I grow spiritually? Even if he walked to my door tomorrow with every intention of being together, I know I couldn't do that either. I wouldn't want to do it. Therein lies the dichotomy. Webster's defines dichotomy as something with seemingly contradictory qualities. That's what this is for me...I want to be together, I don't want to be together. Now I ask you, how can I figure that out? It's like trying to look North and South at the same time. Just won't happen. So...life goes on and I live with it.

I met some friends for drinks and dinner last night. It was a farewell dinner for Sandy who is moving to Huntsville. She's started a new life and this is the next step in her adventure. I hope it's all good for her and that she finds the happiness she deserves and that has eluded her in the past. She is a beautiful person, inside and out but sometimes she just can't see it for herself. She seems to have found someone to share her life with who is supportive, loving and sees all of her wonderful qualities. That makes me feel so happy for her.

In about an hour, I'm going to meet another friend for lunch. We haven't been able to get together due to schedules and LIFE getting in our way so when she said she was available today, I said I'd be there. I have other things I'd like to be doing but I wouldn't give up an opportunity to have lunch with a friend because friends are more important that anything else I may have to do today and I cherish and love my friends as much as I cherish and love my solitude. It would be much too easy to become a recluse but I push myself to enjoy friends and family at every opportunity. I think that's part of the aging process in that we can prioritize and housework, for me, is ALWAYS near the bottom of my list of things to do (along with grocery shopping and going to Destin...which is at the very, very bottom of my list).

It is a gorgeous day here and I walked the yard early with my coffee cup in hand. Every day I am gifted with something beautiful bursting into color. I talk to the plants and the flowers and I thank God for all the beauty and for my many blessings. Now, I'm going to take Wiz for a nice walk and then off to meet Debbie for lunch and this afternoon, I'm going to spend CREATING. I'm working on my inventory of cards because I have a booth at the 3rd Annual Historic Buford Art and Jazz Festival on May 9th. I have to get focused and stay busy after today. So, I leave for now but tomorrow, I'll talk more about the Art and Jazz Festival. It should be a blast!

(P.S. ~ The Reid thing is really okay and now that I wrote about it, I'm feeling much better. I've tucked it away again and won't think about it for a while and when I do, I'll remember something with fondness. He's here, in my heart and a part of my soul. That's just a fact of my life and I live with it. It's the best of him and as much as I want so that's a good thing. Yes?! Yes.)

Namaste!