Expecting a miracle...

I interviewed for a job yesterday that I really would enjoy, working for a good company and terrific people and the commute would be a matter of minutes. It is so perfect for me so today, I really am expecting a miracle. I am hoping to hear that I am hired and when I need to report for my first day at work.

Am I nervous? Yes! I want this job so badly and not only that, but I need it. My meditation today was a good one and I was reminded that I am "guided by destiny" which is just another way to say that I am in divine flow so only that which is for my higher and better good will occur. Even though I want this job the Universe may have something else in store for me so I have made the conscious choice to stop worrying, which is a useless and non-productive thing to do anyhow.

I am changing my focus RIGHT NOW! Very shortly, I am meeting one of my dear friends from high school (so we're definitely "old" friends!) in Dawsonville and we are going to do "girly-things" and have lunch together. It will be fun and I am looking forward to seeing her.

I read a quote this morning by Robert Frost who said "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on." No wonder I love Robert Frost because he nailed it. It goes on. No matter what befalls us, if we look at every day as a gift, then no matter what comes our way, we can "go on." I needed to hear that this morning. If I get this job, I will be ecstatic for many reasons and life will go on. If I don't get this job, I will be disappointed but know there is something better in store for me and life will go on.

I believe that as long as I am breathing, there is hope. So, I am putting my "will I get this job" worries in an imaginary jeweled box that glitters and delights and I'm putting it on the shelf where I will come back later today and release it. But right now, in this gift of a moment, I'm jumping in the shower and getting ready to go enjoy what I know is going to be a wonderful day filled with love, friendship, fun and hopefully, some good food!

I will tellyou know tomorrow if I got the job (or not..but I am feeling positive!). We may all need to celebrate the end of a long dry-spell and the beginning of a great new adventure for me!

Either way, it IS a great day to be alive and the best is yet to come! Have some fun for your own SELF today! Smile and know that you are loved.

She is waiting for a miracle, too!

Namaste, my friends!

Time goes by...so slowly...

...and time can do so much (Unchained Melody). Why is that song on my mind this morning? Well, here we go again. Another challenge. Another opportunity for growth. Another time I collide with my past. It is a past I would like to blank out of my mind but refuses to go away and be away and there is nothing I can do but to accept it. I doubt I ever will.

So, first time writing in what seems forever but life has changed so drastically that the person writing this blog last year is but a faint memory and suddenly I find myself in another "role." Another "responsibility" I accept but not without some regret but doing what needs to be done...the "right" thing to do and daily I pray for patience and empathy and the ability to find my joy, in some way. I haven't written because I can barely stand to listen to my own thoughts much less share them with others.

I think of my friends who have truly devastating experiences to overcome like the death of a loved one or a terminal illness and then I feel so ashamed of myself. I want to be so much more than I am but find myself in the middle of a pity party more often than not. I can't seem to pull up the blinds enough to let the sun truly shine in again.

And that statement made me laugh as I took down the blinds on one window this morning. I've bought paint to re-paint my bedroom and new curtains. I bought this over a month and a half, maybe even two months ago, and can't seem to find the motivation to do the work. Maybe today? I promise myself that I will paint above the window and hang the new curtains, at least there and it's what I know I need to do for me.

I guess I'm feeling trapped and I wonder if that is how others feel in certain similar situations. It's almost like being married and not knowing how or when to go about getting a divorce. Then, I remember that I did live through that and I will live through this and be the better for it but then I think that time is passing and I am older and my days are numbered and is this how I want to spend my minutes? I guess it is because it is what I am doing and as I always say, "I am the boss of me." I am doing this because I love someone else more than I love myself and maybe that's part of the reason for coming in to this life? It is the right thing to do.

It seems there are those who say we need to learn to "love ourselves" before we are truly able to love another but by loving another, are we not loving and honoring our own selves? Do I love myself any less because I put myself into "responsibility" situations? No, I think not. I like myself just fine, even if I do feel trapped at the moment. It won't last forever and there is a reason behind everything and I truly believe this and I also know that it is not always my call to know the reason but to just maintain my faith and keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep taking another breath and doing what needs to be done.

So back again to that "collision" with the past. It's not a unique situation. There are many divorced parents who come together at weddings and birthdays for the children and manage to endure the company of the other for the SAKE of the children. It is what must be done, it is what can be done and it is what WILL be done. I guess it is those "consequences of our choices" that we all must accept at some point in time. I know what it means now to "pay the piper." So, pay the piper I will.

Still, in my quiet moments with my deepest self...I hear the words to Unchained Melody and I let myself flow with it for a bit. Then, I suck it up and keep moving. Yes, I will get that area painted and I will hang my curtain and I will find my joy because that is what I do. I AM the boss of ME and I will find the joy...IN SPITE of the obstacles and I will remember that it IS a great day to be alive...and not just in America!

Well, that felt good. Now to press "post" and put my guts "out there" and hope that maybe my meanderings will mean something positive to another and perhaps help someone else. That would be my fondest desire.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep breathing...hold on to the memories but live in the now knowing tomorrow is a new day...and it is always darkest before the dawn!

Namaste!