Monday Mornings...

Monday mornings are great! Monday signals new beginnings for me although I do admit that in the past there were times when it meant only the end of a wonderful weekend I was loath to let go.

There have been break-ups, divorce, death, sadness and pain in my last week for people I care about and I feel and am compassionate about their feelings and experiences without letting my own SELF get bogged down in it, knowing they will come out the other side changed but after a time, it can be like a Monday for them, too. Perhaps that makes me come across as a little cold but I am not, I am just hopeful for a new tomorrow, always.

I have experienced loss, of many different types and what I have found is that with every loss comes a new opportunity, a change in direction but life can still be a wonderful, amazing experience if we look for the amazing, wonderful things that are still here. It is difficult to know exactly what to say to someone I care about when they have experienced a loss or are going through a life changing experience such as death or divorce. I want to bring them comfort and facilitate their healing process. I want to "make it better." I know that it is really not within my power or my control but in the power and control of the one who is experiencing the pain and the loss. Sometimes, I think it helps to hear the words from another so there is value in saying what I feel is positive and uplifting.

I've always been a bit of a loner although I enjoy and dearly love my friends and family. I have relied upon my own SELF to get through my sufferings and I'm too prideful to let my pain show. Happiness is an inside job. I know that I am the one that has to find my own happiness and no one else can do it for me and it's not their job anyhow. I consider myself a strong person, able to "roll with the punches" but there have been times in life when I have felt humbled and brought to my knees and wallowed in my own self-pity. Divorce, loss of love, loss of a child, loss of a parent, loss of a friend, loss of love, children leaving home...it's all a part of the process we know as life. Still, I believe in LIFE and I believe in LOVE and more than anything, I believe life goes on regardless of the experiences. As long as I am breathing, there is hope. Hope for a Monday morning, a new beginning, a new path, a new experience.

Many years ago, my brother gave me two little placques for posting on the refrigerator. The quote on one was the "Happiness is an inside job" and the quote on the other is "Along the way, Take the time to smell the flowers." I've tried to model my adult life around those two quotes. I say "tried" because I've not always been successful and I've had my "black holes" but I always manage to pull myself back up, with the help of God and my faith. Another of my favorite quotes is "Faith is the little bird that feels the sun and sings, although the dawn be dark." Another way of hanging on to hope and having faith. If I have given my children nothing else, I hope I have been able to pass on to them this faith and this belief in life.

We all struggle. We struggle with loss, love, finances (always a struggle for all of us in my family but we seem to be able to always "have enough"), moods, divorce, loss of trust, betrayal and sometimes we betray and sometimes we are the betrayed. All a part of life. It is what we do with all of these losses and struggles that define our character and the quality of our life. As long as we keep breathing, there can be a Monday morning, a new beginning, a new opportunity. Let go and move on and MAKE the minute, the day, the week what we need it to be for our own happiness. Grieve, suffer, be depressed. These are all feelings that we experience at one time or another but don't linger long there in the darkness. Feel it and then move on and get back into the sun. We are all capable of it and if not, get some help to find it.

Today I am going to wrap some Christmas gifts, work on my book for my family, write a little, organize a little, enjoy my Mom a little, walk Wizzie and enjoy the fresh air a little, e-mail my friends a little and all those little bits will add up to one big, fine day.

I had someone say to me this morning, "It sure was a crappy weekend outside, wasn't it." Instead of following along with that train of thought, I said, "Yes, it was wet and cold out but it made it that much more comfortable to be inside and I accomplished a lot inside of my house this weekend." It changed the whole tone of the conversation. Yes, it was wet and cold outside but hey, it's December and we have a lot of those days in December. Still, it was a great weekend! I didn't leave my house but it was a fulfilling weekend and this morning, I am sitting here writing in an environment that is neat, orderly and fun to be in because I had the time to make it that way this weekend.

I had a custom wall-unit built for my bedroom and it was installed last week. It was built by Tim Ford and Arlo Alvarez and they knocked my socks off with their expertise. I had a vision and they brought that vision to a reality. Here's a picture of what it looks like and I am happy as a lark with my "new" bedroom!



If you need anything built and you are in Georgia, Tim Ford Woodworking at 678-776-8315 is the place to go for custom woodworking. The work is beautiful and he is a master at creating a lasting and beautiful work of art, of a sort. He is definitely a master craftsman and I highly recommend him.

That having been said, I'm off now to create a wonderful day for myself. I hope you do the same for your own self. Remember..."happiness is an inside job" so work hard at that job and you can succeed admirably!

Namaste, my friends!

Life Goes On

Been a while since I sat down to write here. A lifetime, in fact. At my age, life seems to be on fast forward and I'm afraid it doesn't get any slower as I head toward the finish line.

In the family, there's been a separation that's fast becoming a divorce. The joy of a new baby that has now become a sadness of loss. An appeals hearing travesty that hopefully will go in my favor but was cause of a month's worth of anguish. So much...so many changes.

Yet what occurs to me is that each ending SHOULD be grieved and given it's due but that each ending is also a brand new beginning. Another opportunity. The roads diverged and now that other path is being taken but it may just turn out to be the most glorious one of all.

Along our walk of life (and mine's at a sprint now, as I said) there are many roads and many side trips but they all lead to the same ultimate destination so the reminder to focus on the journey, not the destination feels even more poignant for me today.

I've been so sad for the changes and the hurt and sadness of my loved ones but one of the benefits of being at the sprinting age is that I've already lived through a multitude of changes of my own and KNOW we can come out on the other side, down another road, with equally beautiful trees and equally fun, exciting things to see and do. Had we stayed on the path we were on, we wouldn't have the chance to see and do all that's on the new road.

Look how many years I spent in agonizing anguish because I was not with the one I thought I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Oh, how AWFUL that truly may have been for me. When my daughter lost the baby this week, it came to me to tell her that "God knows what he's doing, even if we don't understand and we need to have trust and faith." I wanted to say that "God knows what SHE is doing but it was on a site that may have caused severe panic and shock throughout the system because a lot of my "old friends" are on there and a lot of my old friends are staunch "good Christians" and I didn't want to offend anyone. Then, last night I watched a movie called "This Thing Called Love" which was River Phoenix's last movie and in it, the heroine writes a song entitled "Maybe God Is A Woman" and I felt a hand on my shoulder saying "yep, it's okay." It made complete sense to me. Synchronistic events occur in my life so often that I'm no longer shocked but pleasantly surprised.

A friend of mine had her home robbed and she's feeling violated. Another friend of a friend who is engaged and about to be married found out his fiancee is cheating on him and she's given him back the ring and told him she no longer loves him. In this case, there are also two children involved who had already come to love him. We're all just barely hanging on to our homes in these tough economic times. My Mom's about to come up to live with me. OH, WOE IS ME...or NOT!!!!

My point is that all of these things need to be grieved or experienced but they don't have to be a bad thing ultimately. It's just another road to travel.

I had an epiphany (another) about my "life long love interest" and once I had it, I find I can't find the sadness I need to write the book I'm working on and I've hit writer's block. Perhaps I've just finally "written it out" which is what I do to my "stuff." Angst is good for the creative process but I suspect it was eating me up and my soul is giving me a reprieve or a respite and I'll get back into the "zone" so I can finish the book but when it's done I will move on to bigger and better things.

I am receiving an incredible amount of new creative energy and am inspired to try new things in my painting and some good work is flowing out of me that is different from my previous work. It's almost like watching a movie and although I'm the one creating, I am also the one being created. It's an interesting concept, at least to me, who thinks about things like that and way too often! I guess I'm wired differently than some but that's okay, too.

My friend Kris has invited me to go to Guatemala with her and although the funds are no where in sight I'm holding the resonance that within the next 30 days, the $$$$ will appear as I am sorely in need of a trip and it is loooong overdue. It will happen if the Universe (She) has it as a part of my plan.

So, all of that having been said, it's a new day and life goes on. Maybe your path will take you down a different road today. Never fear and oh my, look ahead, do you see that beautiful tree with the red leaves being slightly ruffled by the breeze and do you smell that awesome smell of Eucalyptus (or whatever smells nice to you) and ginger lilies and oh, look, a lovely young deer with a white tail just fleeted across the road... lovely, isn't it. Now if you hadn't been forced down this road you would have missed all that beauty and that would have been a shame! Enjoy the journey and keep your eyes open to the joy, the beauty and the love that IS there for you.

Namaste!