There is always hope...

One of my favorite sayings is "Hope is the little bird who feels the sun and sings though the dawn be dark!" Holding to that hope has gotten me through some dark times and I was trying so hard to feel the sun and sing although my voice was cracking with the effort. The events of the past couple of months have really tested my faith and my ability to cling to that hope. I've felt like Rose from "Titanic," clinging to that piece of wood and realizing she has lost someone so close and dear to her heart and fearing she may not be rescued or even survive. But...she was and she lived on and so shall I!

I am always striving to live my life from a place of gratitude, faith in God and that "The Universe" will provide and part of the reason I try so hard is because I know that I am setting an example not only for my children but my friends who also face their dark times. I want to be a good example and live by doing and if I can help someone else then I am so joyful.

I had one of my darkest moments last week and an Angel came to my rescue and I realized that there have been many angels in my life and when I sat down to list them and to thank God for my many blessings, I realized that it wasn't as dark as it had seemed only moments ago. Nothing changed except my realization...my "feeling the sun and singing." Even in the midst of that dark moment, I was praying for the strength to accept that if what I wanted and needed to happen did NOT happen, then God certainly had something even better in store for me. I wasn't able to see it and when you're staring down a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it, it is hard to feel that sun and sing. Yet that is when we most need to sing the loudest because we need to hear our own voice singing.

I guess I've lived long enough to understand the meaning of living in the moment. I still want to have a plan, and I do. I have dreams and goals, even though I don't see the means to the end, I hang on to those dreams and goals. I understand that I have only THIS MINUTE, this RIGHT NOW and if I can just stay in it, keep doing the things that I know I need to do but staying in this minute, I can feel the sun. I can sing.

I accept the responsibility for my own life. I accept the responsibility for my own happiness. I also accept that I have made mistakes that have led me to place where I feel I am at the point of no return. That's when I have to remember that little bird and I remind myself to "Expect a Miracle." So many miracles have occurred in my life and the most recent one, totally unexpected, brought me to my knees. I could feel God upon me or maybe it was an angel wrapping her wings around me but I definitely felt something when I was "rescued" for a moment.

I am a strong person, a strong personality and I have a strong faith but I can't say that I never waver in any of things. Sometimes, it is OKAY to be rescued. It's like a rest or a pause and it is a leveling occurrence. Just like being on a teeter-totter it is important to be up as often as it is to be down because that's what makes it fun!

I have been very aggressive in my job search for the past two weeks. I had thought I was being aggressive before but I realize now that I was not pushing as hard as I could have and necessity being the mother of invention, I have been hard on it every day and am finally starting to see some benefits of my efforts. I expect that I will have the perfect job position for me within the next two weeks. I affirm it and so it is!

I have been in contact with a number of recruiters and what surprises me is that the level of professionalism exhibited and follow-up by many of them is much less than it was last time I worked with a recruiter. I think my age may be a factor but I have experience, health and a number of good "working" years left in me and there is hardly anything that I have not done as an Executive support person and as an Office Manager/Bookkeeper. I would hire me in a minute if I would looking for a support person. I have excellent customer service skills, I communicate well in writing and orally, I am dependable, trustworthy, discreet with confidential materials and I am loyal. Now what more could any employer want except that I be 10 or 20 years younger? I'd take the experience over the youth any day if I were in a hiring position, wouldn't you?

I will keep you up to date when that perfect job appears, as it will! I have interviews Wednesday and Thursday of this week and I've got several other irons in the fire so I know SOMETHING is going to happen for me soon because I can feel that sun and I am singing like a Lark!

Wishing you the warmth of the sun and the beauty of the song of a bird. Expect a miracle and don't discount it when it comes your way, because it will! It IS a great day to be alive and the best...is...yet...to...come!

I AM FEELING THE SUN AND SINGING, I AM!


Namaste

Life Goes On

Been a while since I sat down to write here. A lifetime, in fact. At my age, life seems to be on fast forward and I'm afraid it doesn't get any slower as I head toward the finish line.

In the family, there's been a separation that's fast becoming a divorce. The joy of a new baby that has now become a sadness of loss. An appeals hearing travesty that hopefully will go in my favor but was cause of a month's worth of anguish. So much...so many changes.

Yet what occurs to me is that each ending SHOULD be grieved and given it's due but that each ending is also a brand new beginning. Another opportunity. The roads diverged and now that other path is being taken but it may just turn out to be the most glorious one of all.

Along our walk of life (and mine's at a sprint now, as I said) there are many roads and many side trips but they all lead to the same ultimate destination so the reminder to focus on the journey, not the destination feels even more poignant for me today.

I've been so sad for the changes and the hurt and sadness of my loved ones but one of the benefits of being at the sprinting age is that I've already lived through a multitude of changes of my own and KNOW we can come out on the other side, down another road, with equally beautiful trees and equally fun, exciting things to see and do. Had we stayed on the path we were on, we wouldn't have the chance to see and do all that's on the new road.

Look how many years I spent in agonizing anguish because I was not with the one I thought I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Oh, how AWFUL that truly may have been for me. When my daughter lost the baby this week, it came to me to tell her that "God knows what he's doing, even if we don't understand and we need to have trust and faith." I wanted to say that "God knows what SHE is doing but it was on a site that may have caused severe panic and shock throughout the system because a lot of my "old friends" are on there and a lot of my old friends are staunch "good Christians" and I didn't want to offend anyone. Then, last night I watched a movie called "This Thing Called Love" which was River Phoenix's last movie and in it, the heroine writes a song entitled "Maybe God Is A Woman" and I felt a hand on my shoulder saying "yep, it's okay." It made complete sense to me. Synchronistic events occur in my life so often that I'm no longer shocked but pleasantly surprised.

A friend of mine had her home robbed and she's feeling violated. Another friend of a friend who is engaged and about to be married found out his fiancee is cheating on him and she's given him back the ring and told him she no longer loves him. In this case, there are also two children involved who had already come to love him. We're all just barely hanging on to our homes in these tough economic times. My Mom's about to come up to live with me. OH, WOE IS ME...or NOT!!!!

My point is that all of these things need to be grieved or experienced but they don't have to be a bad thing ultimately. It's just another road to travel.

I had an epiphany (another) about my "life long love interest" and once I had it, I find I can't find the sadness I need to write the book I'm working on and I've hit writer's block. Perhaps I've just finally "written it out" which is what I do to my "stuff." Angst is good for the creative process but I suspect it was eating me up and my soul is giving me a reprieve or a respite and I'll get back into the "zone" so I can finish the book but when it's done I will move on to bigger and better things.

I am receiving an incredible amount of new creative energy and am inspired to try new things in my painting and some good work is flowing out of me that is different from my previous work. It's almost like watching a movie and although I'm the one creating, I am also the one being created. It's an interesting concept, at least to me, who thinks about things like that and way too often! I guess I'm wired differently than some but that's okay, too.

My friend Kris has invited me to go to Guatemala with her and although the funds are no where in sight I'm holding the resonance that within the next 30 days, the $$$$ will appear as I am sorely in need of a trip and it is loooong overdue. It will happen if the Universe (She) has it as a part of my plan.

So, all of that having been said, it's a new day and life goes on. Maybe your path will take you down a different road today. Never fear and oh my, look ahead, do you see that beautiful tree with the red leaves being slightly ruffled by the breeze and do you smell that awesome smell of Eucalyptus (or whatever smells nice to you) and ginger lilies and oh, look, a lovely young deer with a white tail just fleeted across the road... lovely, isn't it. Now if you hadn't been forced down this road you would have missed all that beauty and that would have been a shame! Enjoy the journey and keep your eyes open to the joy, the beauty and the love that IS there for you.

Namaste!

Master Cleanse - Day 2 - Morning

I've been up for a couple of hours and listened to a meditation to self-motivate for exericise ( which I want to do more of now!), did my morning meditations, sent out some e-mails around the wedding (18 days to go) and a bridal shower I'm having for my daughter the week before (yes, I know...it's very LATE to be planning a shower but everything seems to be AT THE LAST MINUTE and it's a challenge for me to maintain my peace around it but I'm doing okay so far.).

I feel a bit disassociated from this wedding because I haven't been as involved in the planning of it as I would like to have been but I have learned to step away when necessary. I don't have to control it all. I'm am just "letting it be" as they seem to be okay with the flow so I must step back and let it be, too. That's a hard thing for me as I like to plan an event from beginning to end with checklists and double-checking. That doesn't seem to be their way of doing things. I remind myself that this is THEIR wedding and if they need me, they'll ask. As a Mom of the Bride, I have to say I feel a little cheated though. Okay, so there...it's said and I guess it IS about me, after all!

Sometimes it's hard to know, with children, when to step back and let them do it on their own and when to step forward and take control. I've tried to raise independent, self-sufficient children and I guess I've accomplished that to the point where I'm not needed. So, wait...what AM I whining about? That's a good thing. So, I just release it all to the Universe knowing this event will occur, on the date and time it is planned and it will be beautiful and there will be plenty of food, plenty of decorations, plenty of everything needed to make it the beautiful, wondrous event it is meant to be. I release all my cares and worries BUT...I will still call every day to get an update or status of what's going on and if they need me, I'll be there in the wings to help them if they call. What more should a parent do?

So, that having been said, today is Day 2 of the fast. It's 8:48am and I haven't even gotten out of the bed although I've been busy working and writing from my favorite warm, comfy place. With a feather bed under me and an electric blanket on top, it feels as if this is my coccoon and I'm not yet ready to emerge this morning. I can hear the birds singing though so I suspect it's going to be a beautiful day today.

As soon as I finish writing, I'll get up, make the bed and go into the kitchen and have my 32-oz. of warm salt water (salt water flush) and then my first "lemonade" of the day. I am not hungry, at all and there are no signs of a headache this morning. My breathing seems a little better this morning, too. I am going to take a nice long walk today and enjoy being outside.

Tomorrow I paint with the ladies again and I'm excited to go. I'm going to work with red, orange and yellow tomorrow. I've decided to do a 7-painting series with each painting relating to a particular energy center in the body. I did the crown chakra (or 3rd eye) last week. I guess because that's one of my favorite energy centers and the color is indigo blue, another of my favorites. Red is the color of the root chakra and is our connection with the earth, the material. Red, orange and yellow are the lower (denser/more physical) energy centers. The connection (to everything) is the heart chakra which is located in the center of the body. It is associated with the color green, which is my favorite color. There are other colors around each chakra but those are the most prominent colors. Pink is sometimes associated with the heart and green is the color of creativity. Fun!

Time to move into the day and accomplish my goals. My affirmations for today are: (1)I set personal limits, honoring myself and saying no when it is appropriate for me. (2)I enjoy being with Jenny, full of thankfulness and joy. and (3)EVERY CHALLENGE WHICH ARISES HELP ME GROW. EVERY STORM STRENGTHENS MY ROOTS.

Yes, it's all good. My "Angel of the Sea" arrived at it's destination yesterday and was welcomed with open heart. I let the Light shine through me and it touched someone who most needed it. God is good!

Wishing you a joy filled day of love and light! Expect a miracle. I know I am and I'm never disappointed! God IS good! And so it is.

Namaste!