NOTE: This is the blog I thought I'd lost but it was automatically saved in my drafts folder so I'm going to go ahead and post this although some of the information in the next post will be redundant.
Fall is definitely in the air this morning and it brings to mind the football games of my youth when I was in high school. Wearing a football player's jacket was a sign of being someone "special" or I thought when I was in high school. I wore my number 68's jacket with pride and when he'd make a play and they'd call out his name over the loudspeaker I felt as if I'd done something special. It was all just a feeling and an illusion because I wasn't really any more special than anyone else in the crowd. It was merely a perception. Was it wearing the jacket that made me special? Was it that my boyfriend was a football player that made me special? Being "popular" in high school was so important and going with a football player lumped me into that crowd. I didn't realize then that I was special just because I am me and now, being older and wiser, I understand that is an illusion, too. It's not the external that makes us who we are but what's inside. I've learned to love myself for me and I like myself which is something it has taken many years for me to learn. High school is a place of learning and it's more than what's in the books. It's a time to learn how to "come into one's own self." I wasn't smart enough to know that then and when my boyfriend and I broke up, I felt as if I were nothing. Again, an illusion and an misperception. I thought I needed him to define me. If I have taught my children anything, I hope it is that they have a realization that they are perfect just as they are because they are kind, considerate, caring and loving human beings. I think we've made some progress since I was in high school and it's one place I would NOT want to go back and do over.
I was reading "Running From Safety" by Richard Bach yesterday. I've been reading it for about five years. It is so insightful and touches my soul in a way that I have to read a bit, digest it and then get back to it. He had some things figured out before I even knew there were things to figure out and I love his writing and his views on life. This book is especially poignant because he's talking to a 12-year-old version of himself trying to teach the kid about what he's learned in his life and help him to see what it took Richard Bach a lifetime to learn. His writing touches me and I want to hug him as I read because I can intuit the pain he went through to get to the place he is today. It's the lessons in life that we all have to learn and many are painful...until we GET IT!
As I write the pecans are hitting my deck with such abundance and speed I am sure there's a group of squirrels sitting up there having their morning breakfast. I swept the deck last night and already there are hulls and bits of pieces covering it again. I love that pecan tree and it offers great shade and helps keep my house cool in the heat of the summer. It's beautiful to look at because it's lush and a beautiful shade of green. Then there are the nuts on the deck that make such a mess and in a month or so, I will have a hard time keeping up with the leaves that will fall. In the Spring comes the little yellow things that fall in such abundance and let me know the pecans will be profuse this year. Nature, like life, has it's yin/yang, the good and the bad and we can learn a lot from nature. I am hoping someday to put a roof over the back deck...
MY NEXT POST MIRRORS THIS ONE IN SOME WAYS...BUT I HOPE BY NOW YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH MY PECAN TREE, TOO!
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