Holding the resonance...

Resonance, according to Webster's Dictionary, is the quality or state of being resonant and when I looked up resonant it says "relating to or exhibiting resonance." So does that make anything more clear? Not to me! So, I looked up the word "resonate" and it was the closest to what I mean when I talk about holding the resonance and the definition is (drum roll, please!) "to relate harmoniously." Okay, so now that makes it a bit clearer, right? To relate harmoniously. So, if hope is one end of the spectrum and hopelessness is at the other, I am "holding the resonance" to "relate harmoniously" with the end of the spectrum that is HOPE. Okay, enough of that! I could go on and on and it would be "much ado about nothing" and overuse of quotes and inuendos.

So, let's get to the real stuff. I went to a staffing agency in Atlanta and met with a delighter Recruiter and redundantly completed an application on their computer system in the office which duplicated the information I had completed online at their website and the information I had provided in my attached e-mail of my resume and references. I spent an hour there, about 10 minutes of it with recruiter. At least the parking was free!

The Recruiter has forwarded my information to an HR Manager and it is another iron in the fire. With all the irons I've got in the fire now, it must be referred to as a bonfire and I am sure hoping a little spark comes back to me in the way of a job offer. This job search is a tiring process and it is becoming a habit to grab my computer first thing in the morning and send out a minimum of two resumes.

Before 8:00am I had already sent out my first two resumes as I enjoyed my daily latte. In the background, "New Moon" was on my TV and I paused to look at "Edward" whenever he came on the screen. Sigh! I want to be Bella! Now, I have "Twilight" on and they are just going to eat at the restaurant where she orders mushroom ravioli and Robert Pattinson sings in the background "Never Think." Ahh, sigh. I want to be Bella! I suppose fantasizing about Rob (oh, I know him so well!) is my escape from this difficult reality.

My children think my "obsession" (it's not really an obsession, just an interest) with Robert Pattinson is funny since he's about half my age (okay, at least) but it's not so much him (although he is truly luscious) but more the opportunity to REMEMBER a time when I was "holding the resonance" with another in "that" way. [So what IS with all the quotes today, Sabra?] The early 20's are a fantastic time (or they can be) in life, at least in retrospect. But, as it has been said, [okay, here go the quotes again, forgive me] "hindsight is 20-20."

So [Bella is just figuring out that Edward is a vampire] back to my reality... I have another interview in Atlanta today at 3:00pm and one in Roswell tomorrow at 9:30am. More irons into that fire! [Look of angst between Edward and Bella as she heads off into the forest and will confront him about being a vampire.] This job search has been a real eye-opener for me. I have been fortunate in my life to have found great opportunities and work for amazing men. I have worked for some women but they weren't as amazing (or fun to work with) as the men. My President's were strong, goal oriented, forward thinking, considerate, kind, respectful and, in their own way, sensitive and they loved me as much as I loved them and it was a great win-win situation. [Edward is showing Bella his "beautiful" skin that glitters like diamonds...oh, can I touch it just once????]

My affirmations for yesterday were: (1)I relax and trust life; (2)Life gives me all I need to be happy; and (3)Happiness is my natural condition. Yesterday, I resonated with happiness and as I went into the interview, I relaxed and trusted that only that which is for my higher and better good would occur. In one of my suit jacket pockets I had hope and in the other, I had faith. In the middle was happiness! [Edward: "You don't know how long I've waited for you."] I think when I finally get my REAL job offer, I will be saying "You don't know how long I've waited for you."

Time to start thinking about today's interview and to do my "morning work" to raise my resonance and find my harmony with the universe. [Bella: "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."] ["OH MY GOD!" as Edward and Bella walk into the school yard as a couple for the first time. Dang, he would stop me in my tracks if I saw him walking towards me. My mouth would go dry and I would be unable to talk and I would just stare at him, probably with my mouth open and drool dribbling down my chin!]

So, I think my resonance is up and my little mental excursion into the "Twilight" world has been fun this morning. It is OKAY to combine work and play...it's balance and I strive to maintain balance in my life (not that I always succeed but I try!).

Again, today I am taking faith and hope with me to my interview and I KNOW the Universe will provide because it always does. It is a great day to be alive in America and the best is yet to come! And so it is!

About whom or what do you think I am "wondering" today? [LOL] You would probably be more surprised than you'd imagine! Namaste!

A new week begins...

Monday and first thing I see when I log on this morning is that "Osama bin Laden" is dead. What immediatedly came to mind was a song from the movie "The Wizard of Oz." The lyrics are "Ding! Dong! The witch is dead. Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding! Dong! The wicked witch is dead." For those of you who know that movie, you will remember that as a result of the death of the wicked witch came some heavy consequences and responsibilities. My next thought was, "now what!" I try not to think too hard or too long about politics or war because it hurts my head and I am conflicted in my heart and my soul about what is the "right" thing. I still want us all to learn to just love one another and live in peace and harmony. I just want to get back to Auntie Em and live on the farm with Toto.

Okay, so enough about that because in my world, I just had a beautiful weekend. I had all of my grandchildren in a room at once (all 7 of them!) and that doesn't happen very often. My son was visiting from Denver and brought my two "Denver" grandchildren. We had a great family weekend with a lot of love, kisses and hugs and what IS good in life. I slept with three of the grandkids in a queen-sized bed (imagine that!) and each time I got up (several times!) I looked at their sweet faces and my heart filled with joy. Admittedly, I did finally get into another bed (alone) but before they woke up, I climbed back in with them so we all woke up together. There was one person missing this weekend but she was remembered and we included her as much as possible with texts and pictures sent. Not the same as being here, for sure, but the best we could do for the moment.

Once the kids grow up and the grandkids come along, they all have their own little satellite world away from us (parents), as it should be. Yet when we can all get together, for just a short while and share a meal and spend some quality together, it is so beautiful. I thank God for my healthy, happy, productive, wonderful and unique family and for any time that we can spend together.

I watched the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton and it thrilled my heart. I wish them joy and happiness! It was a beautiful, fairy tale wedding and although my kids made fun of me, I didn't care because it was a romantic and beautiful event and I loved being able to watch it and I was waiting for that kiss on the balcony! I loved seeing all the beautiful clothes and hats and it was fabulous in every way, to me.

I am still at my daughter's house. Her husband has gone to work and the kids are off to school and now I am going to spend a few hours doing housework here. I kept all the grandchildren here and they do tend to leave evidence of their presence! So, Mimi is going to help get things back in order today and later this evening, I will head back to my own little shangri-la!

Wishing you a joy-full day! It IS a great day to be alive and the best is yet to come! And so it is! Namaste!

Hump Day...! - Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I should be up cleaning the kitchen floor since I took everything except the table out of the kitchen yesterday yet here I sit! This is much more fun and I'm all about fun today.

Monday I went to an interview at a staffing agency and when she called (yes, this one called me) I thought she had an "imminent" position and I completed all the paperwork, including tax information, and sat and chatted with the "Recruiting Specialist" and went over my resume. She thanked me for my time and told me that she may need me to come back and take some tests and I said "Bring them on!" and here it is Wednesday and I've not heard another word from her.

Same day around 5:30pm I got a call from another recruiting specialist who is in Tampa who also saw my resume online. He told me about a position he thought I would be a good candidate for and I felt a little excited. So he sent me the information via e-mail and then asked for something so sacred I couldn't believe he was asking me to tell him over the telephone or by e-mail and I wondered if he was a scammer. He asked for my social security number.

Now what is the one thing you always hear about your social security number? Do NOT give it to anyone over the telephone or by e-mail. But, guess what?! After "Googling" the job position and the agency I decided what the heck and I called him back and gave him my ssn. He said AT&T has their own way of doing things and they will not accept any candidate without the SSN. Now I may be crazy to have done this or so desperate for a job that I am throwing caution to the wind, but if anyone tries to use my SSN to get credit, well they will get what they deserve which is NOTHING!

I read an article last night about a young woman, 23, who lost her $50,000 a year job and ultimately ended up homeless and then blogged and wrote a book about it. It was an interesting article and really a bit frightening because it's as if we are in a mini-depression but it is not so well-covered by the media so there is the "illusion" that everything is okay and we all love our illusions, don't we. She finally found a job that she likes and is back "in business" so I am happy for her. I guess the premise was, "see, it worked out for me and it can work out for you, too." Apparently there are many, many people, especially in California where she lives (and in Georgia, where I live) that are looking for a job. I never thought in my lifetime that I would find myself in a position where I am ready to work and can't find a job.

That may all change tomorrow though and I am going to enjoy my day. I am hopeful and optimistic and what's the worse that could happen? Well, let's change that thought...what's the BEST that could happen and I'll hold that energy today! For now, it's all good.

My children are healthy, happy (and employed) and my health is still good and I am definitely "employable." I am certain something will open up for me by the end of...well, better change that because I was going to say by the end of the month but since we're almost there, I'll say by the middle of May. Yep, I'm sure.

So, back to living in the moment and whew! It is really ALL good! I have the entire day to do whatever I want to do. I made a pot of espresso and steamed some milk with thick foam, just the way I like it and since I had one little, tiny bottle (the kind you buy in the liquor store that are called "mini's," I think) of Grand Marnier left, I decided to go ahead and add it to the mix and yum! yum! What a treat and it feels so decadent to be having alcohol before noon. Almost like being on vacation and having a Bloody Mary (or two) to start the day! For today, I consider myself on vacation!

I am going to play some music that I love (perhaps some Uriah Heep, "Demons and Wizards") so that I can sing along at the top of my lungs because there's no one to hear but me and now that Wizzie is deaf, it won't bother him either. I am going to go in and give my kitchen floor a deep steam cleaning and change some things around, reorganize a cabinet and clean the refrigerator. Oh, what did you say? Am I boring you?

Well, it helps me to feel happy when things are clean and organized so I try to stay on top of it!

I made it to the gym several times last week but even with my best intentions haven't made it yet this week but maybe later today? I have seen Water for Elephants twice now. I am obsessed with Robert Pattinson but only in my dreams. He makes me wish I were 21 again or perhaps it is that he makes me REMEMBER what it felt to be 21. He seems to be a genuine, good person who has done well and I wish him continued success and happiness with the love of his life who seems to be his co-star in the Twilight Saga, Kristen Stewart. They are a little wierd about their relationship but whatever makes them happy! I can't even begin to imagine what life would be under the media glare they live on a daily basis and I've seen pictures where I would love to smack down the photographer and tell him to just leave them the hell alone. It's just part of it, I guess, but not a very enjoyable part for them. Anyhow, I loved the movie and I think he acted the part well and I will probably see it again. I enjoyed his movie "Remember Me" and cried buckets at the end. It was a great movie and I don't understand why the critics tear his movies up so badly because they are as good, if not better, than a lot of the movies out there. I think if "Crazy Heart" which is one of the WORST movies I have ever seen, could win an Oscar, then Robert certainly deserves one for WFE!!!!

There's a slight breeze through my open window ruffling the curtains. I can hear my wind chime tinking and a bird is singing. I'm glad I sat down to write because I am cheered as a result.

I have been doing my "morning pages" (from "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron) but sporadically and when I do, I feel great! I self-motivate more often than not but some mornings, I just sleep in because I can and I know when I finally "retire" for good, sleeping in will be something I do several times a week. I'm not one who wants to "waste time" sleeping, normally, because there is so much to do!

Soon, I will have my studio BACK and I can't wait to get started "creating" again! Expect to see paintings, cards, paper and I don't know what else will flow but it will all be fun!!!! I'm still holding the dream of my own little motor home and doing arts/crafts shows! It will happen! I am confounded by gas prices and hope they get back DOWN (which is unlikely) before I hit the road in about 6 years! Still, it is a nice dream.

So, that's it...it is ALL ABOUT ME...right? No, it's about US! WE need to stay positive and motivated. Don't let the "news" get US down, look for the GOOD, the PURE, the POWERFUL, the POSITIVE and the OPTIMISTIC because it has been said that you WILL find what you are looking for so make sure you're looking for the right stuff!

Now...on to my kitchen and on with the day. I'm about finished with my cappucino's (hey...Jess & Arlo...I'm still using the expresso machine y'all gave me for Christmas some years (eons?) back! It's still working great and I love that you guys gave it to me! It is a gift that has been well appreciated!).

Okay, I'm done for today. I hope YOU have an awesome day...if you have a job...give it your best. If you don't and you want one (like me), keep sending out those resumes and while you're waiting for that perfect position, ENJOY the time and make the most of it. It is so easy to get depressed. I know, believe me! Perhaps tomorrow I can write about suicide thoughts but then again, maybe not because that is SO negative but I will jump out there and admit, it's a thought that has once or twice crossed my mind...but briefly. Anyhow, that's a topic for another day and I am here to help not only myself but anyone who reads my blog to stay POSITIVE and MOTIVATED and if not happy, at least to be able to see the JOY in the day. It is a great day to be alive and THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!! And so it is! Namaste!

Just thinking...

It is winter quiet this morning and the day is gray outside and the remainder of summer's sage, wilted and begging for me to come out and cut it back, is blowing in the wind. There is just a hint of purple left on the ends but the leaves look sad and worn out from the frost we had a few nights ago. I like the peaceful quiet of a winter's morning but not as much as the vibrancy of a Spring morning yet both are a part of the cycle of nature and of life. I've been thinking much of both since I brought my Mom up from Florida to live with me.

Somedays, I feel like the sage because I am tired and growing older by the minute. Yet I am happy that I can find peace, still. This is a test of my character and of my beliefs, which are tested daily.

My Mom and I have had a strange relationship most of my adult life and I've lived away (far away) from her since I was old enough to leave home. I left and never looked back when I was 18 and I made my way on my own, stumbling and bumbling but making it on my own and I liked it that way.

She's still my Mom, though and nothing will change that and I love her for giving me the gift of life and I am trying now, to get to know to her as an adult. Yet it feels as if I have another child because she can't get around very well (which is why I brought her up here to live with me) and she uses a walker and a wheelchair, when we go out. I'm glad I am physically able to help her although I admit that sometimes, it does take a lot of energy to do all that needs to be done around just "moving" her from place to place. Yet, I feel compelled to do what I can to help her enjoy her final years. She will be 80 on December 21st. The scary thing, to me is the reminder that 80 comes up real fast behind 60 (which I will be on March 1st).

My Dad's gone, most of her friends have already passed over and there was no one (of any merit) in Destin to care for her. So now, I have the opportunity to be a bigger person and to grow and I'm finding that I enjoy having her around. I've cleared out my studio and made it into as a nice a room for her as possible, with bright colors and pretty things. I put a birdfeeder up outside the window so she can enjoy the birds and have done all I know to do to make her comfortable.

We play cards every day and eat our meals together but she sleeps alot and so I still have time for my writing and "thinking" and although I'm feeling heavy, I'm not sure it's because of her because I always get heavy in winter which is my least favorite season. Usually I endure it rather than embrace it but perhaps this year I can learn to embrace the winter, too.

Mom is in the winter of her life and I'm in the fall. I'm not ready for winter and I'm not even ready for fall. I want to be in Spring eternally with perhaps a hint of summer. That's what I feel in my heart and soul most of the time but when I look in the mirror, the reflection yells back FALL and I hate it but I'm trying to be more zen about it.

If we manifest everything in our life, and I believe we do, then I have created this opportunity to allow my spirit to grow. In my opinion, that's my purpose in life. I came here to grow spiritually. Now, in the FALL, I'm being given a wonderful opportunity. Now to seize it and GROW. What does that mean? I don't know right now but I know there is a lesson here for me.

Already, good things have happened for me around the changes. Life is not what I had in my "dream" five years ago but I know that I am very, very blessed and I am hoping to pass through THIS WINTER and come out the other side without falling into my usual "winter depression" and as always, even though it is a gray, winter's day outside, I am looking ahead to the Spring. I've planted more bulbs this year and put in more crocus so I can see them from my desk as I write. Crocus are the harbingers of Spring,along with the Forsythia, and I put a lot in because by the time they show their beautiful little faces, I need their color to bring my hope to fore.

I'm not painting right now and that's put aside until the Spring when I'll paint in the annual Plein Air event again. Yet I can write and I'm working on my book of poetry for my family. I don't know if they'll appreciate it because it is so personal and much of what brought me great joy brought them pain and I was selfish about my love. Perhaps it will have more meaning for my grandchildren when they are grown and have had loves of their own and I know one of my children will understand better how life throws us a curve ball now and again. I won't say which one but as an adult having passed through a similar life experience the "ah ha" light should go off and the door to greater understanding and growth opened a lot wider.

I could write more about how interesting it is to watch the growth of another human being (and admittedly, their pain is my pain because my child's pain is always my own, too, as well as their joys) but...

AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER...

Mom smelled the Nag Champa essential oil I had in the burner and came in to see what I was doing so I made her some breakfast and played a game of rummy with her and now she has gone back to bed to watch TV for a while (and probably sleep). She sleeps a lot but that's understandable. Babies and old people...(well, okay..."older" people) seem to need lots of sleep. Some because they are growing and some because they are slowing.

Time for me to move into my day. I'm still "reorganizing" and trying to fit in my home and I have a large box for Goodwill of good things that no longer have a place but may help another or perhaps there's a need that can be inexpensively filled and that would make me happy. Mom asked what I was giving to Goodwill because she might want something and I said "don't even look because it is all going to Goodwill" and we had a laugh about it.

I have to go to the Post Office because I didn't get out to my mailbox in time for pickup and to Goodwill and to the Food Bank to drop off some canned goods. I had thought to have a full day at home but it looks like that's not to be. It seems there's always something that has to be done that requires me leaving the house and I suppose that's okay. Before Mom came, there were days at a time when I just "snuggled in" or spent the day working in the yard from sun up until I came in, dirty from head to toe and tired to the bone but feeling satisfied with a day well spent and something to show for the effort. Sometimes I'd just sit at the computer for hours, writing, musing, sending e-mails and reading blogs or something else I found interesting (or looking at something relative to OH MY GOD Robert Pattinson who has captured my fancy like millions of other women of ALL AGES. He sure is "purty"...there's something about that "bad boy" persona with a "heart" that captures my fancy and provides stimulus for my fantasies! Lord, make me 18 again! LOL!).

So, wishing you a joyful day, filled with all that makes you happy!

A Mini Adventure

In about 4 hours I will be leaving for a mini adventure with a woman who was one of my best friends in high school. We lost each other for some time in our wanderings and life experiences but reconnected, joyfully, about ten years ago. Her name is Regina and she's a Real Estate broker now and was the agent for the purchase of my little home that I love so much here in historic downtown Buford. She also helped my brother get in to his house. We go to the high school reunions together and enjoy social events at each others houses and although our paths took us in different directions, we find that still, we are heart-to-heart. She's a conservative (I forgiver her) AND I'm a liberal (she forgives me). Her husband is a "hunter-gather" and their home abounds in dead, stuffed animals that always gives me the willies but it makes them happy and I love them anyhow. Her husband is one of the sweetest, kindest men I've ever met (she teasingly calls him "Daniel Boone" and he would have lived well in that era) and the two love each other madly and I so appreciate that about them, especially given my dismal history with love.

They own a darling beach home in Carrabelle, Florida and Regina and I are having a "get-away" for the next four days with the high point (aside from one-on-one time together) being the Apalachicola Seafood Festival which occurs on November 6th-7th. I'm excited to check out the artist's booths as I've been looking around for shows and festivals where my art may sell.

I've been working in the yard again and last weekend I bought a couple of flats of pansies (50% off at Lowe's, how could I not?) so I've been in a dead heat to get them all in before leaving on my mini-adventure. I finished yesterday and already I'm so excited for the color and the joy they will bring through the cold winter months when the trees are barren and everything else has gone to sleep. I also moved a climbing rose bush that tries to overgrow my house to a place beside the arbor in the front and I am hoping it will be happy there. Actually, I am just hoping it survives the move. What a job! It took me a good half-hour to get it dug up because after 3 years in that spot, it was well-rooted and I had to cut some of the roots just to get it out. I ended up with about a 12" diameter of a root ball and I can tell you it was NOT easy getting that rascal up and then it was so heavy I had to use the wheelbarrow to move it. I had a clematis at the place where I moved the rose bush so I had to dig that up first (it got moved to a place by the mailbox and again, I'm hoping it survives the move as it is a beautiful plant through the spring and summer). Anyhow, another two holes to dig. When I got up this morning, I could hardly move my arms and I have a streak of pain in my back. It's all good though! Nothing like manual labor to clear the mind.

After the planting and cutting back of some things, I transported two wheelbarrows of yard debris to the street for pick up and then I got out the blower and blew my walkway, driveway, back deck and front porch. Now, it looks neat and clean but by the time I get back, the leaves will have built up again. I don't mind because I love the trees and so I put up with the leaves and the mess (see my earlier blog about the pecan messes!).

Time to start packing. I hit a bonanza jackpot at Goodwill last week and picked up 3 college Literature textbooks (Elements of Literaure, 3rd, 4th and 6th) for $2.50 each and they are the teacher's editions so more prized by me. I'm sure the books probably cost in the hundreds because textbooks are so expensive. I was so happy with the find and can't wait to delve into them because there are many, many good authors represented. I also bought a book of Shakespeare that can be read with children (maybe I'll "get" it now, too!) I'm taking a few books with me. I'm also reading a book about Eastern Philosopy, Greek and Roman Mythology and Vein of Gold by the wonderful Julia Cameron. I would be equally happy just staying home and reading but I make myself do fun things and socialize because I could too easily become reclusive.

People ask me if I'm lonely because I'm single and I'd have to answer truthfully and empathically NO! I am never bored, I like my time and space to do what I want whenever I want. If I want to go to the Comedy Club or to listen to music or whatever, I can always find a friend to go with but most of the time, I'm happy as a clam (are clams happy?) just puttering about the house or writing or painting... whatever strikes my fancy. I communicate daily with friends by e-mail or phone and I'm never lonely. I also have my brother and sister on the same street and that's a comfort and my children and grandchildren are close so am I lonely? Never!

I've had two big loves and several minor ones in my life and I think that's my quota and that's okay with me. Right now I'm obsessing over Robert Pattinson because he's so darn sexy and pleasing to look at and dream about being with someone so intelligent, talented, and easy on the eye but if I had the choice, I'd choose to just obsess as I do (he's less than half my age, after all, but I'm not DEAD even though I'm not lonely!) from afar. My kids think I'm crazy but there was a time when John Travolta held that place of honor for me (back in the "Staying Alive" phase of the 80's). It's no different from men obsessing over Megan Fox or Marilyn Monroe or Angelina Jolie (oh, I almost forgot my past obsession with Brad Pitt but he's looking gnarly to me these days and John Travolta, well forget it! They are ex-sex symbols for me. Robert Pattinson is thre man and check this out and I'm sure you will agree. This is the link. I hope it works because it is SMOKING HOT! You'll have to cut and past it in to your browser because I don't know how to embed it in this blog. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKlkGxfpTHU

I've made that video one of my favorites and I watch it at least once a day (talk about obsessing!) It's just good fun and nice fantasy. I can't wait for New Moon to come out this month and I blew through Stephanie Meyers four books a day at a time and one was 700 pages! Because I am "alone" I could do that so why would I not enjoy this life?

Back, but to my mini-adventure. It will be interesting and fun to see the weekend unfold and we'll walk the beach and take pictures at sunset, go to the Blessing of the Fleet, eat copious amounts of oysters, drink too many martinis and have some good laughs! She lets me bring Wiz with me (can't be too far away from him) and she's considerate in that way because she has had "elderly" dogs that adore her and she has adored so she understands and I'm so happy for it. If he's not at my side, my feet or in my room I feel like something is missing. Last night he was curled up in his bed snoring! It made me laugh as I remembered others in my life with only two legs snoring equally as loud! We'll walk the Seafood Festival and enjoy all the arts and crafts and eat nice meals. It will be lovely, I'm sure and I'll tell you all about it when I get back.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend filled with everything you love!

Namaste