Awaiting the birth...

Of an English Iris...I've been walking the yard this morning, checking on all my little "babies." I noticed the white Iris is opening and another pale blue one has opened in the front lily bed. I ave such anticipation around the garden and each flowering is a moment of joy for me. I guess I'm easily pleased but when you think about it, there is such magic in the garden.

Only a short time ago, there was nothing but dirt, leaves, discolored pine bark from last year and only hope sitting there in my gardens. Slowly, as the ground warmed, small shoots of green started appearing and then, seemingly overnight, everything came alive and has started the dance of the Spring. I revel in that dance and in the magic and the hope and the glory that I know is God. I found a quote someplace that said "Nature is God's canvas" and it is so true, to me.

I'm off to Michael's here in a moment to buy my canvas for the Plein Air event this weekend. I've got a really good feeling about it and hope my expectations are met and although I don't know exactly what it is, I KNOW that something life-changing is going to occur as a result of this experience.

I've been feeling sad because it is apparent that I am not going to be able to support myself with my art, at least not at the rate I'm currently working. That means I have to go back to work in an office, which I am so loathe to do and had hoped to be able to make a go of doing what I truly love. Part of me is a little fearful about it because I'm not a spring chicken any longer and I'll be in competition for jobs with those who have many more years left in the work force that I and if I were doing the interviewing, I doubt I would hire me, simply because of my age and because I am "over-qualified" for most of the jobs out there since I've been at it for so long. I'm two and half years away from when I could retire for crying out loud and I started working when I was 12 (in a restaurant) and have worked for most of my life in an office environment (once I got out of the restaurants). That means I've already been working for almost HALF A CENTURY (almost). Isn't that enough? Why can't I just paint, make my cards and chakra bags and earn enough money to pay my mortgage and other bills and still have enough left over to buy art supplies?

I'd always believed Dr. Dyer and Dr. Campbell when they taught to "follow your bliss and the rest will follow." What am I doing wrong? I am following my bliss but not sure I can hold on long enough for "the rest to follow." I am a single woman with only myself to care for ME. I have no nest egg, no husband or 2nd income to back me up so I'm IT with a capital I and a capital T. I'm IT. I just want to work in my garden, paint, make cards, visit with my kids and my grandkids and travel a bit. Is that so much ask? I've grown accustomed (since my last job went under thanks, in part, to CF'S half-witted, lackadaisical, drug-infused sales efforts) to working in "comfortable" clothes and wearing flip-flops and Crocs instead of high heels and shoes that hurt my feet. I don't want to get dressed in suits, put on make-up every day, and drive in traffic to a job that bores me to tears and I am watching the clock for 5:00pm so I can do it all in reverse, get home and get out of my clothes. And I'm not going to do it just yet.

Thanks to SUI, I've the gift of a little more time to work on making a living following my bliss. to that end, I'm off to buy canvas today. This afternoon, I'm going to finish making 50 cards and 20 Chakra stones bags. I've got my Motivational Moments cards inventory sufficient. I bought three baskets, one for the note cards, one for the chakra bags and one for the Motivational Moments bags (why is it that everything (except my paintings) are in bags? Must be something to that and I'll think about that later). Somehow, I am going to offer those baskets up this weekend (if it's by my easel or with a sign pointing to my house where I'll have a table set up and maybe my Sister down there watching it and working it for me). I'm going to prayer over them and then lift them up and I need $500 coming in my door this weekend (at the least!). Maybe I'll get lucky and someone will fall in love with some of my paintings? Anyhow...I know that there are some $$$$ to be manifested this weekend and I just need to figure out the best way to do it. Any ideas?

Okay, I'm tired of whining and ready to take some action. Going to buy canvases. Thanks for listening.

Have a great day yourself and I'll let you know when those baby Iris and Lilies break into bloom!

Namaste!